am Back, and In a right MESS this time :-(

[phil75]

Hi everyone,
I thought i best re-introduce myself, as i havn't been on the site in a couple of years. Well i am in a right mess this time:shrug:

I have suffered with Panic attacks, and depression in the past,
but never have i had it so bad the last couple of weeks. I feel i am in a constant panic attack.slow motion film, with constant head pain and worry, and negative looking back at my life. Don't know what day it is, time it is, feel as though i have gone this time. I am getting angry, and stressed with My partner & kids... can't go out, can't do tasks i normally did, as i forget what i was doing, as i am having constant feelings of anxiety. and i just can't seem to get any relief, apart from using alchohol (at night ) sometimes to the extreme that i blackout, then i tend to wake up even worse.

I have lost control of my finances, friends are non excistent, and family not very supportive. My Confidence = 0. My Doctor is batty, and just says its stress, and alcohol. I was put on citalapram 20mg, but was taken off after 2 weeks, due to bad side effects


I am aware i am coming across very negative, but this how i feel :-(

Phil

[diane07]

Hi phil75

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[paula lynne]

Hi Phil, welcome back!:welcome:
I know Ive relied on alcohol in the past, do you think you may be drinking too much? You know that alcohol is a depressant, and it only exacerbates anxiety.
Do you think you'd be willing to try something other than Cit?
I also know that lots of people here have benefited from CBT.
Reading up on the info on panic and anxiety in the left hand column may be a good place to start for you, to refresh you.

You sound very stressed, and no wonder with all thats going on. Are these situations caused because of your anxiety....or are you having anxiety because of these situations?

Best wishes, Paula x

[Worryaboutworrying]

Phil, you are not on your own, there are tons of people who are here to help. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to push your loved ones away. Try to take a little time out and breathe, walking helps me sometimes, I think the exercise stimulates your brain. Alcohol is not the answer, it makes things worse. I know surely you'd rather be happy than hung over? Don't doubt anything about yourself, look forwards, and throw all your bad feelings away. Again easier said than done,but you have to give yourself a break and don't be so hard on yourself.

[phil75]

Hi,
Thanks for the replies.

I think i am feeling stressed with it all more, as i can't seem to do normal everyday things, even typing this used to be so easy, and now i find it a struggle. i.e Not making the kids Tea's, I feel like i am retarded, every little thing is scaring the hell out of me, I am on pins.. My Partner is struggling to cope, She just wants me to get some relief. I have been waiting 6 weeks for a Mental Health referal, and still not been seen by anybody. I just feel i am waiting for something to happen, thats not coming if that makes any sense.

I used to be such a laid back type of guy,
I'm so ashamed and embarresed how i have got myself.

Thanks for listening, I know i am not alone, and i do hope i will get through this for my kids & partners sake

[gaaron]

hi phil75, life can be a bit of a mess at times can't it! You're not just waiting for something to happen....as you're being pro-active be being on here. I agree with the other posts as regards to going for a walk if you can....a bit of 'headspace' and fresh(?) air can help wonders.
I used to drink a lot...every day for ten years. I stopped and I eventually realised how badly it was affecting me and how much better I was able to deal with things.
All the best and nice to meet you x

[phil75]

Hi Gaaron,
Thanks for the reply mate, yes a big mess at the moment, my drinking is getting on for 7 years now, every night, I used to be able to just have a couple of cans, now its a 1/2 bottle of vodka, I know this can't be very good for my panic, and anxiety or general health I am going to try and cut-down and reduce, How did you stop? if you don't mind me asking, and did things get any better for you,

Cheers,
Phil

[gaaron]

I tried to do it myself, but I found if I didn't drink one night, I'd 'double' the dose the next! I picked up the courage and told my doc (as if they hadn't known I was drinking). The doc recommended a place near me (luckily) that dealt with substance abuse. That place was brill, group sessions, counselling, therapies etc. A book 'Rational Recovery' was recommended to me....which was on my wave length. So with work on my part and support I stopped. I do have a drink now and then now. But when I stopped after a while things became a whole lot easier and learned that I can do things without a drink. You might be able to do it yourself.
The main thing that I did was that when I wanted a drink I drank water and 'pretended' that voice was someone else and 'in my mind' told them I don't drink. Hope that makes some sense.

[Janeywaney]

Hi I have drunk loads for years and now i have started with panic attacks I have made an effort to seek alternative ways to relax and party. I now make myself drink water but has to be flavoured and I just pretend its vodka lol. I am still having a few now and then but at first none and after 8 or so weeks of next to no drink I/you will really start to feel better in everyway. I sleep better, have less rants and I guess i,m getting healthy at the same time but I have also stopped the smoking too. I had a blow out last weekend and got drunk omg what a horrible few days I have had since with my nerves and panic attacks, alcohol really makes things much worse. I have bought Paul McKenna "i can make you happy" book and cd, My kids and husband think i,m mad but it has been so helpful to me anything is worth a try. Hope you feel better soon. Jayne

[phil75]

Thanks for sharing that with me, and welldone.. I have got a big up road struggle ahead, but it needs to be done, i have damaged brain cells i am sure of it. Am going to accept all help this time, and stick with it.. i owe it to my Partner & kids, I drank on my cit prescription, which totally waisted me, still feel like a zombie now, I have a very addictive personality, and am always looking for quick fix's, guess i just need to try and be patient, that seams so hard when everything seams so slowed down at the moment.

[gaaron]

hi, I'm sure you'll do it. I found once I put my mind to it, it was easier than I thought it was going to be. Oh...and I sorted things out one at time so it didn't seem 'overwhelming'. Good luck.

[grayer]

hi phil im new to here and hope every thing work out for you. we all have problems one sort or another . but drink is the worst thing we can do we all see demons when we take drink .when im feeling down my way out is soft music or funny dvd and never say it wont work for you . the word no. never. and cant should not be used when you are looking for some thing you have every right to have all that out there that is good. the best of luck to you phil. grayer

[phil75]

Thanks again for your messages, I didn't sleep atall last night with no alcohol in my system,
but i feel a little better today, I managed to get some although not much work done, and got out on my Bike for a little ride, was hard, so tired now though, really hope i get some sleep tonight, and things gets better.

[streakyme]

Phil, I know how you feel, I feel weak, embarrassed and almost ashamed to look my girlfriend in the eye. It is a struggle and you have to do it a little at a time. don't be ashamed if you have to begin each day as if its the first, you can and will get through it. But it really is patience, I too want it now but have realised that unfortynately its not like that, I too am waiting for GP to get me psych help but that could be an age.
So I can start helping myself by learning breathing techniques to slow down my anxiety, I exercise everyday (20-30) mins, I also keep a notebook and list whenever I do something good/positive...this is just a small start but manageable Phil.
You sound like you've made a good start, so keep it up and the support of your beautiful family will automatically come when they see you working too.
Good luck and god bless
Tony

[overwhelmed53]

hi phil
im quite new here....but can relate to most things you say ! !!i have severe ocd and health phobia amongst other things...a few days ago i was a basket case...but the past twodays ive been good but this scares me as i always wait forthe bigcrash and burn........as regards to alchohol it def does make things seem worse....dont do it much myself cause ive learned firstly that im a lightweight and cant stand the hangovers!!! not meaning to pry but are u of older years because its def true that as you get older..even without issues...your moreprone to being down after drinking....its good you have taken a step by getting back on here.....stay strong:yesyes:

[Elen]

phil are you able to get into the chat room it may be quicker there

[Anxious_gal]

try and take some B vitamins, as the alcohol wipes your body of these which can cause/worsen anxiety and depression.