Sick of feeling a failer all the time :(

[AngelHeart]

Suffered severe depression for 7 years now but Ive had periods of being low before that. Brief history, phisically, emotinally abused, molested, told am worthless and not wanted ( all as a child ) Bullying in school, falling out with Mum then she died whilst we wasnt speaking, gramps ( who was like my dad ) died in my arms of cancer. Severe PND. Alcohol abuse but not extreme.

Tried anti depressents, therepy, meditation, st john wort,.

I have to say thou, I have a fantastic husband and children that do help me alot so why do I feel like they would be better off without me? I feel such a faliure with people and my life , feel worthless , feel like I have to please people all the time and hate upsetting them, feel paranoid , get extemely low if I think people are talking bout me on Facebook.
Worry about absolutly EVERYTHING !!

Nearly all the symptoms on the list I have apart from about 2. Have feelings of highs and lows.

I feel I need some help but dont know what to do, my Dr isnt approacable, feel like am just going to live the rest of my life like this.

Dont know why am writing this TBH because it seems all gobbledee gook to me :weep:


Po xxx

[paula lynne]

Hi Po.x
Youve had a very traumatic time of it, going right back to childhood. Maybe offloading all this to a trained councellor could help you? Ask your GP to refer you. Its a cathartic experience to get it off your chest, and may heal those scars.

As far as alcohol is concerned, you know it is a depressant and will make your anxiety worse. Please cut right down if you arent able to give up totally.

Your hubby and kids sound great. They love you unconditionally and would definately not be better off without you. Ive often felt like that with my family, but Ive learned they'd rather have the me with all my illnesses than not have me at all.

Facebook....mmm....maybe its time for you to have a clean out of your "friends" list. If its making you paranoid, take a break from there. You need to surround yourself with friends who accept you and make you feel good. Get rid of those who dont. They are not good for you. Ive cut ties with several people who just made me feel terrible, like they were sucking the life out of me. One was my own sister! Harsh, but I had to do it for my health.

You are not worthless. You are unique, and have value. Maybe you could read up on self-esteem, you sound like you dont have much. Check out self-esteem books on Amazon, or go to the library and have a look.

These highs and lows.....I know youve tried Anti-Ds in the past, but maybe they didnt suit you. I know you dont like your GP, but if you explain about these highs and lows,,(Writing everything down helps), your GP could try something new?

You dont have to please people all the time. Your job is to please yourself. Your illness and feelings isnt your life. NOW is your life. Only the opinions of your family and very good friends count. Everyone elses doesnt really matter in the end.

Hope you feel better soon. Paula x:hugs:

[Tyke]

Hi Po

Not surprised you find it tough going with what you've had to put up with. Your husband and children would not be better off without you, it just seems like that because you feel so rotten. I've felt like that myself before, but managed to come through it.

Is it worth trying to change your GP? I avoided the doctor for a long time because I didn't like any of them that much, but when I moved and started at another surgery I found the new doctors so much better. If you were able to build up a bit of trust with a different GP you may be able to find better treatment options as things in the past don't seem to have worked for you.

I know what you mean about Facebook. I have never gone on it, the thought of being on something like that just fills me with dread. Like Paula says, take a break from it if it is upsetting you.

What you say isn't gobbledeegook at all, but is very understandable. You have been through so much I think you just need help with some of this from a trained professional. As Paula above states, that could well prove to be a healing experience for you.

Hope things improve for you soon.

Tyke x

[AngelHeart]

Thank you very much both of you, I really apprecaite your time in answering me ! I know I should put myself first ut its so hard as I always think I should be pleasing everyone else and TBH none of them give a dam about me so why should I make the effort all the time. Am also tired of so called friends that am always there for but they are hardly ever there for me when I need them. At the min, I just feel like crying all the time. I do work and I wish I could open up more to my work colleagues so they know what am going through but I hardly ever let my guard down :weep:

We're also have some financial difficulty at the min which doesnt help. I feel so sorry for my kids and us as we need new clothes e.t.c but I can't afford it. Am juggling the money day by day. I love my hubby and children more than anything, but I just wish life would be easier for us !

Thanks again for listening,

Po xxx