Panic about everything

[Lenchan]

Hi there!!

I am new here, just found this forum and after reading a lot on this side I decided to join! :)

I started suffering from depression and anxiety about 3 years ago. The first few weeks were the worst times of my life. I seeked helped immediatly though (it all kicked off on a sunday - doctors were closed, so I went to hospital). I had one massive panic attack - out of the blue. Well at least back then I thought out of the blue. I didn't know what was happening and was scared for my life. I did not trust myself. Luckily help was giving promptly and effectively. I was refered to a therapist on that very sunday (she was called out to see me) and was put on medication. I was on that medication for about 2 years and had a lot of ups and downs. I went backwards and forwards at my therapy sessions and then my therpist decided that it was time for me to see the local specialist at the hospital (very difficult to get appointment, but she got me in the very next day!) she came with me and the specialist immediatly said that I was on the wrong tablets, on those where causing my ups and downs! i was on them for two years!!! well anyway she put me on citalopram 10mg and after a short while she increased my dose to 20mg - and I felt great! I had my life back! I didn't feel 'high' but 'normal'! just like I used to feel like before this all started!

But know a couple of weeks ago, my panic attacks started to be more regular again - It got to a point again, were leaving the house is a challenge. I come up with excuses not to go out and when I have to go out I feel really uneasy and often have a panik attack, which always starts off with horrible bowl movements. :weep: i often have to run to a loo. So know I don't want to go anywhere where there is no loo. I live surrounded by beatiful countryside and beaches. I love the beach. I have a dog and love nothing more than walking on the beach with her BUT at the moment I can't do it. I have panic attacks when I'm there and can't enjoy it. I have to say I feel really sorry for myself, which I know I shouldn't. I feel like crying because I don't want to restrict my life, but that's exactly what I'm doing.

My home life is great and my depression hasn't come back for the last year since I have been on citalopram but i'm scared it might. I can't go back to that state of mind. I tried to kill myself back then. (took overdose of tablets and was submitted to hopstial).

Apart from the panic attacks, I am very happy with my life. I am overheels in love with my boyfriend, so I have been with for 5 years, he is going to ask me to marry him this year (he told me, as I don't like surprises) and I am so excited - I can't wait to be his wife! :yahoo:

I am 24 and my 'goal' in life is to have a couple of kids in the future. I always wanted kids and now everything is 'right', I have the guy, I live in a beatiful place (i moved here) and we live and own a beatiful big house with a garden and sea views. In short, my life is great - except the panic attacks, which are really getting me down again latly.

i was thinking about increasing my dosage from 20 to 30mg (is there such dosage or does it go straight to 40mg?) but I'm a bit worried. What if I have to increase the dosage every year? I feel fine for a year and then I have to up the dosage - this can't go on forever!! And I want kids within the next two years (I have this condition which makes it more difficult for me to get pregnant so I want to start trying sooner rather than later) and I am scared I won't be able to come off them for the pregnancies. What are your views on that?

I was thinking about making an apointment at my GP next week to discuss things, as because of all the stress, I haven't had my period this month (I am not pregnant). But there is something inside me that doesn't want to make that step, that wants to fight it but then there is this other side of me whos had enough of fighting and who just wants to life again. I want to be able to pop to the shop without thinking 'what if i get a panic attack?'

I am working full time and doing ok at work, but I'm on the edge.

I would love to find out your views!

thanks guys!!!

[blueangel]

Hi there and welcome to NMP.

I'm sure other people will want to pop up on this thread, but my best advice is to go back to your GP. He/she can advise you about the best steps to take with your medication - and in my opinion, going back to the doctor is no way an admission of defeat - it's a way of finding the best people to help you fight the anxiety. Dosages can be amended, and other drugs can be tried if you both agree that the citalopram isn't working properly.

If you're not having any sort of therapy at the moment, it might be worth considering going back to this again, as it can help remind you of the coping strategies that worked for you last time. If you've got any notes or book, re-read them again too.

Also, it might be worth working back over the last couple of weeks and see if anything particular triggered the panic attacks, as there is often a reason for them coming back, even if it's well-hidden. When you know the reason, it's easier to do something about it.

Try really hard not to avoid going out - avoidance is the road to hell, as I know for my experience. For me, it was dentists and I ended up not going for years and suffering terrible pain.

Hope this helps.

[Lenchan]

Thanks for you reply! I went home at lunch time before to see my dog and i ended up popping to my mum-in-laws and we had a chat (and I cryed) and we ended up making an appointment for me at my doc for Monday (couldn't get in today). I agree, I have to re-read the documents I got from my therapy sessions last time - I also have a CD with relaxation excersies, which I have to do again (when I felt better I totally stop doing that - mistake I know). So I feel a bit better now that I am doing something!

[panicangel]

Hi there I have just read your post and I have to your panic mirrors mine in many ways. I also run to the loo before leaving the house and apart from going to work I do not go out much as it is too stressful, but it is no way to live a life and hopefully your doctor can help. I am having a really bad time just now and am going to the doctor today to try and get help, not sure if cbt again would be a good idea because as you say they give you coping stratagies that do help but they have to be used daily to work and sink in and there will always be days that it is harder to implement than others. If it is any comfort my poor dog has went from have a 3 mile walk a day to a run round the park if she is lucky, there are no loos at the park and once the anxiety starts it sometimes forgets to stop. Hope all goes well with doc and let us know how you get on. Take care xx

[Lenchan]

thank you panicangel! :hugs:

I hope your doc can help you. let me know how you get on and I keep you posted on my progress! I am hopeful that I will feel better soon after I've seen my doc on Monday.

I see how I get on tonight and tomorrow. I have a hen night to go to tonight which I am really stressed out about, but I don't want to miss it. And tomorrow I'm going to a BBQ.

[Lenchan]

hi guys!

well i have been to the doc yesterday. I had to wait for nearly and hour until I was seen, which was quite stressful in itself! :( but they had an emergency patient - in the end the ambulance came to pick her up. I hope she is alright.

My doc was reluctant to put my dosage up, but said that she would be ok for me to go on 30mg, so she gave me some 10mgs to take with my 20mgs. She wasn't keen for me to go up to 40mg, but I don't want that anyway. (not for now)

I had to see her again this morning, as she wanted to take some blood and it was too late for her to do that yesterday (lab was already closed by the time she saw me). She wants to test my blood for 'hashimoto's thyroiditis' or any other problems with my thyroid (this can cause panic attacks). I just found out since that my mum was diagnosed with 'hashimoto's' last week, she also feels panicy, so that might be it. We'll have to wait and see. When I went back today, she said she wants me to come off the 30mg again, as she thought of something else (she thinks will be more affective, as i am not depressed anymore but 'only' panicy) so she wants me to go back on the 20mg and she gave me some bedranol 80mg to take once a day additonally. she says she'd like to see how i get on like that but that I could always go back on the 30mg if I thought I needed to. for the time being, I'll stick to the 20mg and the bedranol and see how i get on!!