Cancelled on a friend

[G.Samsa]

I just cancelled meeting a few friends, people I don't know extremely well, and I don't know how to feel now! I really feel as though I did all I could to try to do it, but I just couldn't manage it!

My body wants to relax now, there's something chemical about avoiding something - like the feeling that comes when you've just been crying. But as soon as I start to indulge in it I think, 'No! You haven't done well, don't pretend you've succeeded!' At the same time, I don't see the sense in putting guilt on myself and sabotaging my self-esteem. The plus, of course, is that I've reminded myself that I need to sort this out (I haven't panicked like this for a little while). But I don't know how - if I can't face things then how will I get better?

I'm such a fool for basically forgetting about it. I was happy in my comfort zone so I didn't bother trying to confront anything, I was getting happier so I thought I was getting better. Oh dear... perhaps I need to learn some kind of smaller persistent effort? Any sympathies or advice would be so appreciated!

[KK77]

You've tried Samsa - there is no point in pushing yourself too hard and putting yourself under unnecessary pressure. If you stay in your comfort zone then you'll never know whether you've progressed or not. Such "challenges" are part of life, but I don't like that word because it implies "success" or "failure" - the latter of which you're to some extent obviously feeling.

I think the important lesson is to never give up trying. Obviously you know when you feel like you simply cannot go through with something so don't feel guilty; but turn it into a positive instead: you now know there is more work to be done and the areas to work on. Rome wasn't built in a day but staying in your comfort zone means it will never be built.

Well done for attempting to step out of your comfort zone - it takes courage.

[G.Samsa]

Thanks Melancholia, I completely agree - I keep getting comfortable only to be shaken up whenever something threatens me. I've been finding it hard just to get my foot in the door; I haven't really found a level of challenge which I find difficult but can get through, and then feel proud of myself.

Thanks for the 'well done', that's really kind of you.

Fortunately I'm starting at university in September and the excitement of it is, at the moment anyway, quite a lot greater than the fear, so hopefully that'll give me a boost! But in the meantime I want to prepare myself the best I can.

Thanks again!