Low self-esteem and confusions about sexuality..

[flix08]

I know it's been ages since i've been on here but i'm having a bit of a hard time at the moment and wanted some advice (thanks to everyone who i've already spoken to about this, just wanted to cast a wider net to get even more help and advice).

I guess i've always had low self-esteem but at the moment its got worse as my confusions about my sexuality have made it a lot worse. I think i'm bi (sometimes i'm sure i'm gay...other times i'm sure i'm bi!) and i have a constant feeling of unwantedness (if thats a word). I know it may seem irrelevant but to me it isn't - all my friends have had boyfriends and/or girlfriends and a lot more, erm, 'experiences' than me. On top of feeling unwanted from guys, i'm now feeling it from women too...The low self-esteem has got even worse now i'm feeling things for women.

I know people will say appearances don't matter but i'm fixated on it..i'm short, a tad chubby and not really that pretty. I'm constantly thinking this must be the reason why no-one wants me even though i know its personality that matters. But why else would i have been alone for so long (23 years now). I know everyone will say i'm still young, but i have friends that are married or already have children, yet i've never even been in a relationship. There must be something wrong with me but i don't understand what it is.

I just want to know if theres anyone else who's gone through (or still going through) the whole sexuality confusion that i could talk to about it all as i don't really feel my friends would understand.

Thanks for reading,

Flix xxx

[Heather23]

Hello there Flix, Im sorry to hear that your going through a confusing time at the moment, I know it probably doesnt help to hear, but time will tell and one day you'll meet somebody who'll cast aside your confusion once and for all and make you happy and then you'll know for sure. I guess its the waiting that is the hard part but you'll get there!

I cant give you any advice on the sexuality confusion im afraid, as Ive never been through it, but i just wanted to say that I can totally relate to the self esteem issues. Not too long ago I lost the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, my best friend. My self esteem has hit rock bottom (and it was pretty low before). I just fear that due to my constant worrying, and the rejection I'm just going through that I'll never be able to pick myself up from this and find true happiness. I kind of feel unlovable at the moment, and as much as my friends have been amazing and encourage me to stay positive, its hard to believe it sometimes. Im still very much in love with my ex.

Anyway, enough about me, I just wanted to say I wish you all the best and hope some of your concerns sort them self out soon. And you'll find your someone special when you least expect it.

Take Care :) xx

[Tyke]

Hi Flix

If you are unsure of your sexuality I wonder if you could get help from any support groups in your area or national charity helplines/websites that deal directly with sexual identity matters? Maybe counselling of some sort would help? It may be partly that you are very particular about who you date and haven't met the right person yet? My friends always seemed to do better than me when I was younger. Now I am happily married (with a house full of children) and many of my friends are divorced!

Tyke

[looking4answers]

Relationships arent everything. Sir Issac Newton was never married and maybe gay because he thought women to be unclean.He worked and was alone until he died In his 80's im pretty sure.He was brilliant. Leonardo Davinci was also gay and so mamy others in this world never really figured out just who they were sexually or relationship wise. Its hard going through life and trying to decide who you are within todays society.Relationships arent always the basis of who you are.Figre out what you like and do it and then focus on things that interest you and put your whole heart and soul into them ,and one day you might just have the perfect person fall right into your life.I was married 23 years and terribly unhappy.I divorced her and had no desire to ever be in another relationship. I was happy persuing my own interest and one day just by accident I met the perfet person,so much like mysel we could have been twins in our interest and thoughts.I had no designs on getting married again or even serious interest but here it is ten years later and I couldnt be happier.I wasnt looking for a relationship but it found me and turned out to be custom fit for me.Dont stress about the identity thing it will come to you and love yourself and respect yourself and put you interest before other things and people and one day the perfect person will come along and if they dont then you wouldnt have wasted your life waiting.You would have lived a full life and enjoyed yourself.Remember relationships dont define you,,,you define yourself. Hooe you feel better and things work out.