kitty18
15-05-11, 18:55
Hi guys :)
I've been married for two years. My husband and I have been together for four years. Before I met him in 2007, I was a virgin. He had been with 7 other women in total since he was 18.
Previously we'd discussed sexual health. I had a basic sexual health test (not for HIV, because back then they didn't have an 'opt-out' system, they just did it if you asked for it) in 2007/8 and those results came back clear. He has always been monogamous, and told me that his tests had come back clear, so I assumed he'd had ALL the tests done (including HIV). I didn't think I needed a HIV test because I had only slept with him and he was HIV negative.
Fast forward to now. We were discussing this sort of thing last night, and something came up - he HASN'T ever had a HIV test. He's a bit afraid of needles (something I also never knew) and so has never had it done. Before meeting me, he has had unprotected penetrative sex with at least two women. The first was his girlfriend of 3 years (so a LOT of condomless sex), who had been with five partners prior to him. The second was another girlfriend who he had condomless sex with a few times, and she had also been with other guys.
I was already aware of this, but I had no idea he'd never been tested for HIV. I'm now absolutely paranoid that he caught HIV several years ago from one of these women, or even one of his later partners. I know that HIV usually presents itself first as cold/flu symptoms (my husband is prone to colds so can't tell if he got a 'cold' around the time he was sleeping with these women) and then lies dormant with NO symptoms for several years. Since we've been together he's not been sick except for occasional colds, so I'm worried that he has had HIV for a long time already.
He has apologised for putting me at risk (I was on the pill for a while and we had condomless sex then) and we are both taking a HIV test hopefully this week, just to be certain. But I am really scared it's going to be bad news. My husband was in no way promiscuous, but I don't know about his exes or the partners THEY were with... what if his longterm girlfriend had slept with a guy who had it? What if she'd never been tested either? That's my biggest fear, that someone has had it and hasn't bothered to get tested so they can warn others.
I'm most worried about my husband's health... much less about mine because I fear losing him. I don't even mind if I have HIV... I'm more concerned about him at the moment.
I guess I'd like some reassurance of the risks... and some tips on how to deal with waiting for the results to come back. We are going to the doctor tomorrow to discuss this and book a test, I'm hoping she can help us calm down about it. :(
xx
I've been married for two years. My husband and I have been together for four years. Before I met him in 2007, I was a virgin. He had been with 7 other women in total since he was 18.
Previously we'd discussed sexual health. I had a basic sexual health test (not for HIV, because back then they didn't have an 'opt-out' system, they just did it if you asked for it) in 2007/8 and those results came back clear. He has always been monogamous, and told me that his tests had come back clear, so I assumed he'd had ALL the tests done (including HIV). I didn't think I needed a HIV test because I had only slept with him and he was HIV negative.
Fast forward to now. We were discussing this sort of thing last night, and something came up - he HASN'T ever had a HIV test. He's a bit afraid of needles (something I also never knew) and so has never had it done. Before meeting me, he has had unprotected penetrative sex with at least two women. The first was his girlfriend of 3 years (so a LOT of condomless sex), who had been with five partners prior to him. The second was another girlfriend who he had condomless sex with a few times, and she had also been with other guys.
I was already aware of this, but I had no idea he'd never been tested for HIV. I'm now absolutely paranoid that he caught HIV several years ago from one of these women, or even one of his later partners. I know that HIV usually presents itself first as cold/flu symptoms (my husband is prone to colds so can't tell if he got a 'cold' around the time he was sleeping with these women) and then lies dormant with NO symptoms for several years. Since we've been together he's not been sick except for occasional colds, so I'm worried that he has had HIV for a long time already.
He has apologised for putting me at risk (I was on the pill for a while and we had condomless sex then) and we are both taking a HIV test hopefully this week, just to be certain. But I am really scared it's going to be bad news. My husband was in no way promiscuous, but I don't know about his exes or the partners THEY were with... what if his longterm girlfriend had slept with a guy who had it? What if she'd never been tested either? That's my biggest fear, that someone has had it and hasn't bothered to get tested so they can warn others.
I'm most worried about my husband's health... much less about mine because I fear losing him. I don't even mind if I have HIV... I'm more concerned about him at the moment.
I guess I'd like some reassurance of the risks... and some tips on how to deal with waiting for the results to come back. We are going to the doctor tomorrow to discuss this and book a test, I'm hoping she can help us calm down about it. :(
xx