PDA

View Full Version : Agoraphobia dealing with my way



Arfur9
16-05-11, 17:22
I've alway knew there was something wrong, as a kid I used to feel constantly ill the first few hours at school, in later life going anywhere, social gathering etc I felt the same, it was starting to effect work, i couldn't go on training courses, in the end I made the mistake of going self employed and ended up having a break down then manic depression, I was still able to function, had a few jobs after but in 2005 some bright spark trainee doctor decided I had a thyroid problem and I reacted badly to the meds to the point I was having constant panic attacks from the moment I woke up, shakes, then one day I had a massive panic attack will driving and it just seemed to flick a switch in my head.
Since then things just got worse, now I'm pretty much house bound, my mum died on the 14th Feb and I never got to the funeral, so I think its about time I did something about it.
I'm taking a different approach to getting out there, before 05 I was able to get about on motorcycles, even after that I could but with me not working it was hard to keep them on the road, and usually i could only afford to use it once a week, so I never got any better.
Some people probably think I'm insane but the benfits outweighs the risk, I'm not on any meds, the thing that worries me most is getting stopped by the police and me freaking out or the bike breaking down, the crash option never enters a bikers head until it happens.
I have already started, luckily I live on the edge of town so I can avoid heavy traffic and get onto country roads after a mile or so, I set a goal destination, only 5 or 6 miles then plan the next, ovbiously I can't let the stress factor grow to much, I start struggling abit in traffic but on the whole its no where near as bad as I imagined, and doesn't effect my ability to ride at all, there is just so much going on you don't have time to worry, the trick is to just stay at the same speed and not try and run away or rush.
I'm thinking of keeping a diary and setting goals, even something as simple as going to a petrol station is an ordeal.
I was never one for walking or using public transport so those are totally alien to me, plus I'm very unfit and being breathless triggers attacks :unsure: well my crazy messed up mind treats them as such lol I made a huge mistake of becoming a software tester which isn't a good thing if your Agoraphobic, I was going to upgrade computers but mum's death kinda changed my outlook on life, if there is an afterlife it would be nice to tell her about what I've done since she passed instead of "hey mum I got more free software!"

sorry for the waffling of the insane lol

shoegal
16-05-11, 17:51
Hello from another agorapahobic. I have endured panic attacks for years and missed my dear cousin's wedding because I couldn't cope with such a big social gathering at the time. It's a very isolating illness and one that is very much misunderstood. I think what you are doing is great and you should be proud of yourself. Every tiny step you take out there is a step towards recovery. I think keeping a diary of your achievements is a great idea as you can look back at it when things are perhaps not so great to remind yourself of what you have achieved. Be proud of yourself, you are doing great. :yesyes:

Arfur9
16-05-11, 18:49
The first milestone is getting fuel, writing it just seems so simple lol, then travelling through town, once I've done that it'll be trying to visit people, right now I have to keep moving, can't really stop anywhere.
I did manage fuel last year, I waited until it was 8.30 at night, no cars on the forecourt, get the petrol only to find they had moved the door and 3 women inside chatting up the guy behind the counter lol, I was in pieces by time I got to pay, I bet the guy thought I was going to hold him up or something I was so twitchy, unfortunately we had a load of problems and I never got out much after that.
My sister has the phobia as well but its not really effected her that badly, when she hit 30 the phobia kicked in but luckily her last 2 partners kept her moving forward, she can more or less get on with a normal life.

Thanks for the kind words:yesyes: its good to see that people can get through this and have a life again:)

paula lynne
16-05-11, 19:05
Hi from another agoraphobic/panic and anx sufferer/slack knackered witch

Youre not alone. It can get better. Never give up. Good to know you x
Paula x

Arfur9
16-05-11, 19:30
Thanks Paula x, love the signature BTW :D
I have noticed there isn't a forum for us knackered people?

Eva May
21-05-11, 17:24
Hi Arfur. I recently bought a motorbike for this reason. Just need more confidence out on it now although it's not actually that fast but I'm hoping it will get me into the bigger busier towns too

Arfur9
21-05-11, 21:07
Hi Eva, my bike's an old 1985 750 Suzuki, i figured it didn't matter if it was a 125 or a Fireblade I was going to have the same problems so picked the cheapest thing I could find and cheap to insure, its in really good nick for its age, and lovely to ride on country roads
I had to do a mercy mission to the mother in laws today and managed to lock myself out of the house, not thinking I dropped the Yale lock as well as the regular lock :blush: but I dealt with Saturday traffic with no problems, even the traffic lights that I had the original big panic attack in the car at, those lights were my biggest fear.
Stuff like that really boost the confidence, still have a long way to go but the "to do" list has a few ticks now :D
I hope it goes well for you, I just pick some were to go then expand on it, if I need fuel or something new, I take a quick ride somewhere thats in my comfort zone so I'm more relaxed then try the challenge.. for some reason sucking mints helps, I guess they stop the mouth drying up.
I plan to start going out armed with a camera and taking pictures when I go somewhere new, I might start a blog or something to post it all on :)

oh I got back in the house lol..

Arfur9
29-05-11, 12:03
Things are going quite well, I managed to go and see a friend wednesday, and stayed for an hour, then a 50 mile rideout and visted my sister stayed maybe 1/2 hour last night, the only time I really had amoment was half way through last nights ride, my mobile didn't have credit, which I knew but figured if I had an off etc I could dial 999.. anyway the bike was going great, I was doing fine then for no real reason the fact the mobile was useless popped into my head and became a huge issue, and I was gonna die, crash, break down, get abducted by aliens etc and the stress level hit the roof, but I kept on going and didn't turn back, took a longer way back to town and went to my sisters..

paula lynne
29-05-11, 12:59
You are doing GREAT keep it up.....x

Arfur9
29-05-11, 16:29
Thanks :D
Oh and I managed to get fuel Friday, the time before that I had to drag the wife with me to pay.
I'm doing better than I did 3 or 4 years ago, but its a different bike and easier to ride, the other one was a sports bike and the old back and wrists played up, so that was thrown in the mix to not try I guess.
The only downside is I ended up a bit tightly wrapped last night and couldn't sleep, and still felt the same until an couple of hours ago
In the last few weeks I hit every goal I wanted to do, now I have to keep on doing those and add some more.