Arfur9
16-05-11, 17:22
I've alway knew there was something wrong, as a kid I used to feel constantly ill the first few hours at school, in later life going anywhere, social gathering etc I felt the same, it was starting to effect work, i couldn't go on training courses, in the end I made the mistake of going self employed and ended up having a break down then manic depression, I was still able to function, had a few jobs after but in 2005 some bright spark trainee doctor decided I had a thyroid problem and I reacted badly to the meds to the point I was having constant panic attacks from the moment I woke up, shakes, then one day I had a massive panic attack will driving and it just seemed to flick a switch in my head.
Since then things just got worse, now I'm pretty much house bound, my mum died on the 14th Feb and I never got to the funeral, so I think its about time I did something about it.
I'm taking a different approach to getting out there, before 05 I was able to get about on motorcycles, even after that I could but with me not working it was hard to keep them on the road, and usually i could only afford to use it once a week, so I never got any better.
Some people probably think I'm insane but the benfits outweighs the risk, I'm not on any meds, the thing that worries me most is getting stopped by the police and me freaking out or the bike breaking down, the crash option never enters a bikers head until it happens.
I have already started, luckily I live on the edge of town so I can avoid heavy traffic and get onto country roads after a mile or so, I set a goal destination, only 5 or 6 miles then plan the next, ovbiously I can't let the stress factor grow to much, I start struggling abit in traffic but on the whole its no where near as bad as I imagined, and doesn't effect my ability to ride at all, there is just so much going on you don't have time to worry, the trick is to just stay at the same speed and not try and run away or rush.
I'm thinking of keeping a diary and setting goals, even something as simple as going to a petrol station is an ordeal.
I was never one for walking or using public transport so those are totally alien to me, plus I'm very unfit and being breathless triggers attacks :unsure: well my crazy messed up mind treats them as such lol I made a huge mistake of becoming a software tester which isn't a good thing if your Agoraphobic, I was going to upgrade computers but mum's death kinda changed my outlook on life, if there is an afterlife it would be nice to tell her about what I've done since she passed instead of "hey mum I got more free software!"
sorry for the waffling of the insane lol
Since then things just got worse, now I'm pretty much house bound, my mum died on the 14th Feb and I never got to the funeral, so I think its about time I did something about it.
I'm taking a different approach to getting out there, before 05 I was able to get about on motorcycles, even after that I could but with me not working it was hard to keep them on the road, and usually i could only afford to use it once a week, so I never got any better.
Some people probably think I'm insane but the benfits outweighs the risk, I'm not on any meds, the thing that worries me most is getting stopped by the police and me freaking out or the bike breaking down, the crash option never enters a bikers head until it happens.
I have already started, luckily I live on the edge of town so I can avoid heavy traffic and get onto country roads after a mile or so, I set a goal destination, only 5 or 6 miles then plan the next, ovbiously I can't let the stress factor grow to much, I start struggling abit in traffic but on the whole its no where near as bad as I imagined, and doesn't effect my ability to ride at all, there is just so much going on you don't have time to worry, the trick is to just stay at the same speed and not try and run away or rush.
I'm thinking of keeping a diary and setting goals, even something as simple as going to a petrol station is an ordeal.
I was never one for walking or using public transport so those are totally alien to me, plus I'm very unfit and being breathless triggers attacks :unsure: well my crazy messed up mind treats them as such lol I made a huge mistake of becoming a software tester which isn't a good thing if your Agoraphobic, I was going to upgrade computers but mum's death kinda changed my outlook on life, if there is an afterlife it would be nice to tell her about what I've done since she passed instead of "hey mum I got more free software!"
sorry for the waffling of the insane lol