View Full Version : Is this anxiety/or/what? im lost--please reply
I had nearly convinced myself that this was anxiety that i have ..until last night and this morning..when my breathing went slow and i ust felt groggy..extremley groggy with no energy, my pulse rate was slow.. and i felt dizzy, and out of it..so what the hell is this one ...
Ive started checking my pulse again, and i am freaking out to why my heart rate was going so slow and i felt so groggy .. ive got a buzzing in my head and inside of my body and i just feel im going to die in a minute.. this isnt panic though because my heart rate is slow..well at least it was..
i have Fu****g had enuff.. i know i have a heavy past, and everything that happened lastyear was bound to affect me, yes thats true.. my past has caught up on me too.. everything is hard.. my cousin bless her not herfault is falling apart at the seams.. because her so devoted husband has just walked out of the marraige and she is soley relying on me.- she is hearbroken and i cant blame her... i had to drag her from the living room to my bedroom the other night where she had got herself in a state -she was sick everywhere and was self -harming herself to(oh god).
I cant take this anymore, i cant take any of this any any any any any more.
I want out of all this total fu**ing crap..all of it.
Im 35 thursday and the best present i could have would be no more pain .. thats what i want no more pain
ashley
Paddington
18-04-06, 14:22
ashley sweetheart pm me if you want to ,you ned to talk i could give you my number if you like!It is all anxiety,i too have the slow,pulse at times and all the other S==T AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL DESPAIR!But it will pass,you know it will,it just sooooo doesnt help me saying this right now when you feel so awful,look i gunna post this now ashley,please get in touch if not me then some one, the samaritans any one so you can let off steam!!We all her for you .love Mary-Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Thanx mary-didnt think anyone was going to reply atall..what a nightmare..huh..i just cant cope with this--its all to much to cope with i tell ya.. I will pm you mary..
When will all this S**t go away from me..from all of us..im going to the docs soon, see what he is going to say.. one min my heart is full steam ahead and the next slow as hell...with lotes and lotes of eptopics... lovley.. i have been on medication for 8 days..no change yet,, just nice side effects..dam this .
ashley
Paddington
18-04-06, 14:38
i can feel your distress and your anger thru your reply!What meds you on Ashley?Do you have a good undstanding dr?soz 4 all the questions!!It is the anger that can make us worse too you know,i get sooo angry when i have a bad back slide into panic,checkin my pulse all the time ,it's too slow ,it's toofast,.....it's b====y annoying is wat it is,aint it!!!keep talkin,do you want to go in chat or something?????mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Hi Ashley sweetheart x
Some of the horrid things thats going on most probably has something to do with the new meds and your body adjustng to them. The groggy bit is a deffo, i remember it well, honest !!! Then all that pasted and the meds really started working for me. but how your feeling at the mo is not nice i know hun.
Have you been out today? coz being in all day doesn't help, even if you don't feel like it a little walk is really good for the soul you know !
Let us know how your going, Tara xx
Mary sorry had to dash as i had to go and get my kids from school.. and i had doctors- you are lovley and would like to have a good chat sometime soon please.. that would be good.
Saw my doctor today and he said keep going with the tabs at 10mg for 3 weeks..then i have to see him again and all well take it up to 20mg..he also gave me diazipan for the panic moments..although me being me wont properley take them.. well ya never no.. i may take the whole fu****g packet.
My doctor did my pulse rate and bp..he said it was fine... but he isnt there when it goes really slow, and he isnt there when its mega fast.. and he fu****g isnt there when i have thousands of eptopic beats and flip/spins/thuds...oh please someone take all of this pressure, anxiety,panic and deep dark depression, and nasty grosh thoughts .. away from me.
I also told my doctor that i was still getting eptopic beats and he asked me if i had my hospital appointment through for that, i said no not yet, you know i could be dead anyway by the time i get the appointment.
My doc said that its ok for people to get eptopic beats, etc and thats fine to have them more than often, but i sensed a BUT there, i get the feeling that he thinks to have themas mnay times as i do a day isnt quite right, see i have got a heart defect..there ya friggin go.
Im 35 thursday and i just feel so sad, so so so sad.. whats this all about..whats the f*****g point (sorry for the swearing).. i love my kids.. i have been trying with everything, the tablets, going out for walks .. going to little places with the kids.. i wanna be normal average ash..no one special..just me..sorry my mouth is running.
I wanna go out friday night have a little drink for my birthday, wake up sat morn and feel ok.. oh but no not me.
I have to have a big panic attack before i go.. and when i am getting dressed i will be going mental at how much wieght i have put back on.
I felt okish on sunday and thought maybe this could be the beginning to the end of the mental and physically pain i am going through , but i was wrong.. and its tru mary im so so angry about this, why have i got to be so dam weak.
I cant go on like this, i cant NOPE not for much longer...i keep praying to god to make me ashley again as he knows me, but im not ever going to be me again am i.
Trev sorry if you do read this, i dont mean to be so negitive as i was beginning to be poistive.. i was truley...but now i am going back to my old obsessions, checking my bp, and my pulse, and that just makes things worse.. i wonder if i really do have a heart problem.
Tara thanx love for your reply , thats really sweet of you to reply.. how long did it takefor your side effects to subside , and what week did they start to make you feel easyier,and do they really work.. how do you feel n them now. This is day 8 for me.. lodes of headaches still, sweating, rapid heartbeat,panic..drowsy..but fast heart beat oh and lotes more.
Im scared mary/tara im so scared and i cant handle that anymore, i cant even cry anymore..
ashley x
honeybee3939
18-04-06, 18:33
Dear Ashley,
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so low, it brought a tear to my eye reading your post, i can understand just how you are feeling as i have felt the same over the easter holidays, maybe it is side affects of the medication as like you i havent been on them for long, i was feeling ok last week so i cant understand why i feel like this. All i know is that in time we will get better i promise you that, although at times i know its so hard, and hard to imagine theres no end to it all, but believe me Ashley you will get better just like i know i will.
I have read replies you have put in other posts you seem such a lovely person, keep on with the medication Ashley we can beat this.
love to you and Hugs!
Andrea
xxx
Hi Ash
Sorry you not having a good day but I swear on my life (and you know how scared of loosing that I am lol) that this is anxiety
I think the slow pulse days can be worse coz like you i think oh s***, this cant be anxiety coz im not in a mad panic but trust me it is, I too check my pulse over and over when going though one of these do's, it does my head in too but promise you it will pass!
I want you have a good day for your birthday so try and get them positive thoughts going. you can do it!
If you want a chat you know where I am xxxx
Love Wendy xxx
Dearest
Andrea what can i say what a sweetheart you are huh,your compassion and caring ways shined though to me when i read your message, i was touched it was nice to hear that someone cared.. are you on the same medication Andrea i tell ya nasy side effects.. dont know how i have stuck at them..sounds like you had a ruff time over easter too.. its not fair is it..week one was tuff ..week 2 is tougher .....If ever you need a friend to lean on pm me love.
Wendy,bless ya darling i do appriecate ya kind words, how are you are you alright ?Wendy this is not easy, firstly i have a big phobia of tablets anyway , so after many months of me looking at a box i decided to..i have to try because as i have said this really is my last hope.
The eptopics are worrying me badley.. and the slow pulse and groggyness started me of in this in the first place..maybe there really is a problem with my heart.. there i go...f***ing hell..
And i think my doc thinks theres a problem, he never said but i think he thinks that but his mmm, attitude, and the way he was shocked at how many i get of them each day..
HELPPPPPPPPPPP I CANT TAKE THIS
ASHLEY XXX LOVE YA ALL
Evening ashley, I can't actually remember when it really started working for me, I just remember one day thinking, "oh I feel quite ok today" and from then on i felt ok most of the time. I was also given valium and took them religiously during the first couple weeks and they helped a lot also.
I no longer take citalopram i came off them last year but i was taking them for about 2 years. I do take propanonol (beta blockers) now and again but no ssri's. I know how you feel when you say you just want to be normal, i used to look at people and think, "i want to be like them" but until you speak to people you don't know what they are going through or what they have been through. I really admired my new friend, but until i spoke to her i didn't have a clue that she had suffered with anxiety/panic/depression and tried to commit sucide (WOW) I couldn't believe it !!!! To see her now you'd never believe it, honest.
So it is possible to get through and come out the other side, hang in there hun, let us know how your going. Tara xx
Keitharcher
18-04-06, 19:34
Ashley
You seem to be having a really nasty blip, thats what it is a blip, wait for the meds to kick in then you will feel better. As for the diamazapn take them as required, when you feel really bad. Also do the relaxation techiniques they will stop you holding your breath or breathing shallow which could be a cause of your irregaular heartbeats. Its not unusal to get a lot of irregualr heart beating during a day, most people do the difference is you are tuned into yours and therefore it seems a lot worde than it is. Take time out for yourself, look for poisitves in everything, Your cousins relationship just ended, maybe the knight in shining aromiur is just around the corner and now she is free to go to him. You have your kids just take time out to be with them look at the world through their eyes it will be a far more pleasent place.
I hope you get over this blip soon
Keith
ow Ashley,just been reading your post and had to give you some surport!Everything you feel is normal with these meds your taking,i had alot of sideaffects and most have gone now{one being heighted anxiety}that was the worse thing ever.You will feel alittle better soon just please stick with them,try not to think about them to much.And one other thing i remember was the eptopics,i even phoned the doc up because they got so bad the frist few weeks of taking the tablets.
if you need to chat i herexxx
Keith & Bong & lovley tarax
How kind of you to reply to my post,i am so needy of peoples surport right now,it really helps.. i am in such a black place.. and its been black for so long..at times i get a little ray of sunshine flitter through and then it turns black again....i feel like a little girl in the blackest room and if you look all you can see is a pair of frightened eyes looking up.. and a big red heart that is beating... all irregular..
im so lost .. and i wish i could find my way to that sunshine... and never be in the black again [V]
love to you all
ashley x
its anthour day / and i woke up ok but then its hit me again and im that scared little girl in a black room again..it seems worse this week than ever .. i cant stand this any longer ..i am going to explode...
ashley x
Poor you!I really do have to say that the tabs the frist three weeks all so made me feel so bad,but you will feel some inprovement ash.One thing i noticed was i have been able to go out more with out feeling scared panick may jump out on me!I even managed the pub a couple of weeks ago hun.You really will feel less scared and feel able to deal more with what life brings.Its so hard i known,people who have never had our probs will never understand,but we do!So just have agood old moan and try and make yourself feel a little better hun.xx
Morning Ash
Just read your last 2 posts and got goose bumps, Feel for you so so much and wish there was something I could do or say to help you. I been there myself like you so many times and It will pass as we know but when you feeling like this guess its so hard,
You are just going so well with the tablets, wish I had your strength to dare take mine, and you are a strong person and you will beat this and have bright days again!
Hang in there babe, it going getter better for you coz you deserve it!
Take Care
Lots of love
Wendy xxxxx
Bong & wendy
Thanx so much for ya surport its nice to come here- and theres actually people that understand what i am feeling, because in my world no one knows, they just dont get it atall...
Im sitting here at my pc, listening to my christain worship music and its really beautiful vey uplifting, hope in and praying that the lord will help me in some way-my spirit and soul is so dead at the moment....man im deep huh..
Bong i forget how the tablets work i used them a long time ago and had such a struggle coming of them , that i always swore i wouldnt take them again.. well here i am.. took me a long time to take them, as i have this big phobia to take them .. well i wont commit suicide that way will i..
I am trying with themand i wont give them up no, but the side effects are heavy going.. fel like exploding.. i have bad headaches ..just feel awful ya know..i pray these work because i will be so down hearted if they dont i know i will.
Wendy thanx mate for being so sweet , i know you have been having a real hard time of it latley ,so i really appriecate your surport in my darkest moments.. how are you?
Man i need out of this pain , im trying so much... i feel so desparate..
one min my heart rate is slow slow slow, and im extremley weak,, and then its faster than a blinkin fast link train...i have had enuff... enuff...enfff...enufff...
ashley xxx
Paddington
19-04-06, 14:58
hi Ash,no need to say sorry,i just glad to hear off you!I take valium ash,as and when i need them.i am thinkin that is why the doc has given them to you,to counteract the side effects of the other meds.as all valium is ,is a muscle relaxant matey!will stop that awful exploding feelin[i had to take two in the middle of ludlow over Easter as i was flippin out!]do tru to take them you will be amazed at how they relax you Ash honest.You sound so desperate,and i/we have all had these feelings of fear,despair and the longing for 'normality'
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Paddington
19-04-06, 15:02
i pressed wrong button,too agitated,!!!just to say keep talking and pm me any time.And do try the valium Ash,i think you will be surprised at how quickly they calm you down.thinkin of you .love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Thanx mary for your surport , what a lovley natured person you truly are.. im just so not myself right now, and i hate what im turning into,im afraid at what will become of me... and i have revengeful thoughts,,i find hard to let go..
ashley xxx
Hi Ashley sweetheart xxx
Another horrid day for you again i see, things will get better you you i'm sure. Have you taken the valium? I know some people don't agree with meds but i'm a big believer in "what ever helps just do it!" I don't know how i would have got through my dark days without them.
I'm glad your finding something to relax with, your music, i used to search through the net looking for ways to relax and found some real wonderful things that helped me, it was also a distraction from the horridness i was feeling.
The side effects from citalopram are not nice i know, the head aches were nasty, the anxiety rose not that that made much difference coz i was anxious anyways. But things will get better for you, like they did for me, it will take time sweetie, give your body time to adjust. If i remember rightly the meds work by stopping the brian producing seratonin, therefore you don't get high feelings thats turn to anxiety, just are just kind of on an even keel all of the time, sommit like that anyway.
Hope i'm finding you a little more settled this evening ash, love Tara xxx
caroline151080
19-04-06, 20:30
Hi Ashley
I've just read your posts and wanted to offer my support. I am in a bad phase with my anxiety right now but I know it will pass(I have the bad lump in the throat problems right now). I know how desperate you feel right now please pm me if you need to talk. Please don't worry about your heart beat I have spent years worrying about mine, night after night checking my pulse and so on, and getting my husband to listen to my heart to check it was ok! There is nothing wrong with your heart if there was your doctor would have picked it up. Once again please pm me if you want to talk.
Take care Caroline
Tara and caroline thankyou for your surport.. dont know what i would do without this site really , at the best of times..
IM going through such a hard hard time in my life, i just cant take in actually what is happening to me, i have been freaking out so much.. and i always feel so so scared , i mean petrified(spell check)
loves ya
ashley x
Happy birthday ashley,
I wish I was online when you started this thread. I think you and me are cut from the same mould. I too get the heart gymnastics seemingly more often than most. I too am terrified of meds. I tooget the low, slow days where I feel empty yet heavy at the same time. I tell you I feel like postponing my wedding in July cos who wants their big day clouded by this s***. And my poor kids. My son is showin signs of health anxiety already- he's only 12! And I tell you what, you should read my post on the medication forum! Things just go from bad to worse. Needlless to say I had a cr** easter!!
Anyway mate, try and have a good night. Take care
Shiv x
Hi ashley xxxxx
Hope you had a non eventful birthday (if you know what i mean ).
I have so been where you are at the totally petrified stage, it's not nice !!
I even stayed with my ex-boyfriends parents during this time and had to leave my son with his dad because i just didn't know my ar@e from my elbow. But slowly things got better for me as they will for you i'm sure hun.
Keep in touch, tara xxx
Thanx shiv, for your message and birthday greeting, i am sorry that you too are having a hard time of it , its awful isnt it love.. and yes i storys are very similar ..especially as my daughter too, is showing signs of health anxiety, and thats our fault isnt it, oviously not on purpose but..
thats why we have to help our selves ,,, because thats what its all about..we can get advice, and surport ..but at the end of the day we are on our own and we have to help our selves but it isnt easy ...boy thats hard..especially when every hurdle you come against you get knocked down, not once, or twice but over and over and over--it gets tiring..im weak...i will have a look at your medication post love..and thanx again.
Tara thanx for my birthday praise love, and thankyou so much for your continued surport ,your so sweet and i pray you are right...and one day if i do get my life back ..i will look back mate and be amazed at how i ever ever got through it, because i will tell you something... i have had anxiety over 20 years ..but oh my gosh never ever like i have experinced here... if you ever need a friend yaself tara, come find me and lean on me.
ashley x
Thanx shiv, for your message and birthday greeting, i am sorry that you too are having a hard time of it , its awful isnt it love.. and yes i storys are very similar ..especially as my daughter too, is showing signs of health anxiety, and thats our fault isnt it, oviously not on purpose but..
thats why we have to help our selves ,,, because thats what its all about..we can get advice, and surport ..but at the end of the day we are on our own and we have to help our selves but it isnt easy ...boy thats hard..especially when every hurdle you come against you get knocked down, not once, or twice but over and over and over--it gets tiring..im weak...i will have a look at your medication post love..and thanx again.
Tara thanx for my birthday praise love, and thankyou so much for your continued surport ,your so sweet and i pray you are right...and one day if i do get my life back ..i will look back mate and be amazed at how i ever ever got through it, because i will tell you something... i have had anxiety over 20 years ..but oh my gosh never ever like i have experinced here... if you ever need a friend yaself tara, come find me and lean on me.
ashley x
Dont know what happened there .. was the same post twice ..sorry
love as always ashley x
Mate, what are you DOING here!!!??? Didn't you go out for your birthday. Has it been a cr** day? You keep on with your tablets. They will take a good couple of weeks to kick in and the side effects should even out too.
Lotsalove,
Shiv x
Hiya shiv...its been so hard on the tablets love, ive been ill with sickness, upset stomach,headaches, drowyness,increased panic..hard i tell ya.. but after all that a thousand other symptoms ( including the heart one being the main) belive it or not, ive had some ok moments.. lets see i hope they do they stuff..it will be 2 weeks sunday and this second week has been harder than the first.
As for going out i am tomorrow night, first time since jan 06.. i hope im ok.. i wont drink heavy thats all..
How ya doing love x
ashley x
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