Loneliness

[Heather23]

Hello all,
You all provide such wonderful advice and support for each other, and I was just wondering if anyone with social anxiety could relate to how I’m feeling. I just sometimes feel like I’m never comfortable whatever situation im in and spend each day worrying what I may face next. For example when I’m at work or Uni I’m such at a heightened state of anxiety and worried about how I may be coming across that I crave being at home on my own where I don’t have to worry that I’m making a fool of myself. Then when when I’m at home I dwell so much on so much that I feel so worried and lonely then too. But even if I’m socialising I feel like I can be in a room full of people yet feel like the loneliest person in the world as I find it so hard to fit in sometimes. I feel like its a lose / lose situation sometimes!

Can anyone else relate? I just feel like I’m so young and feel like my life is passing me by as I’m constantly seeking the safe place of being at home. I’m thinking of getting a dog for company, as I love animals, and also hoped this would encourage me to leave the house more after a day at work. I’d love to join the gym too but just don’t have the confidence.
Thanks for reading J xxxxx

[LonelySoul21]

I can defintely relate. I think the way to describe it is, we never live in the present, because we are so preoccupied with our failures in the past and our worries about the future. We never truly experience the present or enjoy it because we are always worrying about what to do next, how we can improve ourselves etc.

I always feel like I want to escape to a safe place, at least I know my safe place well. We are scared of the unknown, the outside of our 'prison' provides us with freedom, yet it is an unknown, unfamilar place.

It's a difficult situation, we want to be free, sociable, not to worry about trivial things that others wouldn't even think about yet...we find it hard make the first steps and we always self-doubt anyway whatever we do so that we never seem to progress anywhere...

Sometimes it's better to be with someone so you're not lonely but then, when you are with someone you are always worrying whether you are good or bad company and then it doesn't become enjoyable because they have needs/expectations too.

I am only 20 and yes, life is passing me by at the moment.
I wish I could the live the life of someone young, instead the life of an old man (well old men probably socialise/have more fun than me).
I hope someday I get to live life, at the moment I am just merely existing and not really noticed by anyone.

A dog is great company and can help relieve some of that loneliness :)
I'd like to join the gym as well but I don't have the motivation haha.
Anyways, PM me if you want to talk more :)

x

[Heather23]

Hello LonelySoul,
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m really sorry however to hear that your struggling with this too. Some of the things you said could actually have written by me they were so close to how I feel! I totally know what you mean about not feeling like ur living in present, I sometimes feel like an observer in life while everyone else gets on with their lives I just watch. I worry so much about everything, I just seem to try so hard to please people and even then worry I haven’t done enough. I get criticised a lot for being too soft and that I’m a walkover, Im just such a nervous person in general. Nothing ever feels like it comes natural to me and I just wish I could be young and carefree like everyone else appears to be.

Also I spend a lot of the time in the house worrying, im also filled with so much guilt, as I live with my mum and dad and the moment and I hate seeing them worry about me. They’re the best people in the world and it breaks my heart that they see me upset so often. I try and put a brave face on but after years of feeling this way I know they know Im hurting inside because they have seen how much time I spend in the house on my own, and they comfort me often when Im upset. I get on so well with them and they’re pretty much the only people I feel 100% comfortable around. I just wish I could be better so they didn’t have to worry all the time. I don’t know where I’d be without them.

You said that your not noticed by others, but you seem like a lovely person from your post so Im sure that there will be people in your life who appreciate you so I hope that you are not too hard on yourself. Im sure that you mean a lot to a lot of people but u just don’t realise. Thank you again for your reply and hope you things start to get better for you soon.

P.S (And I bet even if I did have the confidence to join the gym I guess I may not always feel motivated as I think I would be lol!) :)
xxxx

[bazbaz71]

Hey Heather, you sound such a lovely person. I'm sorry that you are feeling so down at the moment.

I can relate to the feeling that life is passing me by and while others get on with their's I'm stuck in a rut. Also that I can feel lonely or ignored at times even when I'm with other people. I think this is the low self-esteem issue rearing its ugly head again. I also do worry about how my Mum and Dad worry about me (me worrying, about them, worrying about me- is that enough worrying for you! :doh:). Thing is I spoke to my Mum about this and she was adamant that she would prefer I shared my problems with her and my Dad. So I came to the conclusion that parents don't resent their children coming to them with their problems unless they are bad parents (it comes with the territory).

Re the dog idea, I think its a great idea! (I love animals too but live alone so it wouldn't be fair on a dog). Just make sure that the you take the dog out so it is a way of interacting and not isolating yourself. Also re the gym thing, if you can't face the gym yet then how about some kind of exercise at home (or somewhere you can face more easily - the park for a jog, the swimming pool?) I find that regular exercise helps me to feel better.

[Heather23]

Hello there Baz Baz, thanks so much for your kind reply. Your message I can associate with completely! Low self esteem definitely is so hard to beat and am sorry to hear that you’re suffering too. As you say us worrying about them worrying about us is an awful lot of worrying to deal with for just one person! I guess it just shows how much we care for our family so we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves. Its just hard when you add It to what like an endless amount of things to worry about!

Thank you also for the advice regarding dogs and exercise! I definitively think there will be something suitable for me out there, I guess is just finding the right thing, a balance which is still brave for me – but at the same time not too far out of my comfort zone! Im definitely going to try and push myself to do something.

I know exactly what you mean about sometimes feeling ignored, I know I overanalyse things far too much. Its like today we were doing some group work, I felt like I just fell into the background and don’t have the confidence to say much at all. This led me to start feeling like none of the group would maintain eye contact with me, which reinforced my negative feelings about myself. I know rationally that it wouldn’t have been anything personal, I just sometimes feel like I spend that much time thinking about what to say, by the time of thought of it, the topic has passed. I seem to make the smallest task such an effort!

Anyway thank you for listening and hope things are ok, and that you’ve had a good day.
Take care :) xxxx

[evil monkey]

lots of that

my thing was that I didnt want to get a pet when it was going to be the only company I was going to have (could i actually communicate this to any of my mates who were saying "get a dog, get a dog", could i hell). but doggie's are good. still sometimes have trouble meeting other dogwalkers got a permanent "laugh or cry" expression.:huh:

[Heather23]

Hello there, thanks for your reply evil monkey,

I definately thinking seriously about getting a little puppy now. But like you say its important to make sure it doesnt end up being my only source of company! I love dogs and have been thinking about it for a while so think that it can only be a good thing!

Take care and hope that you are doing ok :) xx