How do you cope with loneliness?

[xxlisaxx08]

Not 100% sure I'm posting this thread in the correct forum, apologies if I'm not. I've suffered from panic disorder for 8 years and agoraphobia for about 7. The agoraphobia has been on and off and sometimes severe and sometimes not so severe. I lost all of my friends when the agoraphobia began and now I don't hear from anyone at all.

This never really bothered me too much but now it's bothering me a lot. I never have anyone to talk to and I'm always on my own. There's no distractions from my anxiety ever. I'm constantly thinking about it. I get frustrated that I have nobody. I do have family but when I see them it feels like i'm more of a burden and we never just talk about random things it's always about 'family problems' and without sounding selfish, I can't deal with that on top of everything else that goes on in my life.

Right now I'm really anxious and I wish I had someone I could phone just to have a chat and distract myself from thinking about all the negative things that are going on. My usual distractions such as the internet, tv, magazines etc... aren't working.

I suppose what I was wondering is are there any people in the same situation and if so, how do you deal with it?

[shoegal]

Hello. I'm in exactly the same situation. I am agoraphobic and as a result have social anxiety (I don't want people I know to see me panic). I live on my own and hardly ever see anybody. I used to be able to walk my dog everyday which was nice because I used to stop and chat to other dog walkers, but recently I've had another 'blip' and I can't even do that any more. I see my parents for about half an hour once a week when they drop off a bit of shopping for me, and my sister phones maybe once a week, but other than that I don't see or hear from anyone. I occasionally chat to friends on MSN (when I say chat I mean type messages) and I post messages to my friends on facebook, but that's it I'm afraid. It's a very isolating illness and I don't know what the answer is really. Sorry I don't have any advice for you, but I wanted you to know that there are other people in the same situation. :flowers:

[Spy]

Hi Xxlisaxx08,

You're not alone, I'm also in the same situation - the combination of agoraphobia and social anxiety is a very viscious circle, you start to withdraw from company because you feel self conscious about people seeing your anxiety, then feel less and less comfortable confiding in people how much you need help. Before you know it friends have drifted away and you can't cope with situations where you could actually meet and engage with people anymore. I know I havent seen anyone in three weeks and its really detrimental to recovery as these conditions are very difficult to overcome without support and you find yourself focusing constantly on the anxiety.

The only thing I can advise is what I am trying to do myself which is approach situations using CBT techniques to try and break the cycle of withdrawal, isolation and fear and be honest about what you need from people - easier said than done - but you arent alone:hugs:

I find that trying to do something creative like writing or painting can provide at least a temporary distraction

xx

[tweety]

hi
pm me if you need anybody to talk to would be nice to have a friend in the same postition x :)

[xBettyBoopx]

Hi Lisa

I am in the same situation except I don't have family either. I suppose I have got used to being alone 24/7 but it is hard and I cry a lot! I used to suffer anxiety all of the time but I am going through terrible depression at the moment. There are so many lonely people, life can be so sad:weep::weep:

I don't come here as much as I used to but I do read the new posts every day.

PM me if you wanna chat, I'm a good listener.

Els
x

[LucyR]

Hi, Just to say I am basically in the same situation that you are too. It would be nice to chat to somebody sometimes.

[jonmcg93]

In the same boat at times even with family :blush: try out the chat room perhaps?

[xxlisaxx08]

Definitely didn't think I'd get as many replies so thank you all. So sad that there's as many of us in this situation - I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! It is slightly comforting though that I'm not alone.

Shoegal - Sorry to hear about your blip, hopefully it will pass soon enough and you will be able to get back out walking your dog. I'm unable to walk my dog majority of the time at the moment too. I have the (very) rare day where I can take him a small walk, but those are few and far between now!

I used to have people to talk to on msn but in the last year they seem to have all drifted away and moved on with life and the people I have on facebook I haven't spoke to in years. I'm glad you have people there even if it is just typing :)

Spy - I've had CBT before but I'm just about to start it again so hoping that will help me again. How are you finding it working for you?

I don't really have any hobbies any more. I've kind of lost interest in most things these days. To be honest I'm not really sure what would interest me either.

Elspeth - Sorry to hear you haven't any family. That must be hard. I do have my family nearby I just feel that I'm always a burden; they always have to do things for me and it feels that we only ever talk about anxiety.

I'm worried that feeling how I have been lately I'm going to end up depressed and that scares me. I fought for years not to let my anxiety make me depressed but I fear the loneliness may be too much. It actually feels worse than the anxiety in a way.

Jonmcg93 - Thanks. I have tried the chat room. A lot of the time I go on it's empty. I also feel slightly awkward when there have been people on it. It feels like intruding on peoples conversations lol. I guess you could say I have social anxiety in chat rooms too lol!

Tweety, Elspeth & Lucy R, I will also PM yous :)

Thanks

Lisa x

[Spy]

Yeah its suprising how many of us are in the same situation!

Do believe the CBT can help but it all depends on how much effort you put in and making the first steps can be really hard - I'm starting to get very slowly a bit better but its small steps and still feels like its going to be a long time before things are near normal.

Feel free to PM me too :)

[Elen]

Lisa

Like you I am on my own with no family.

I do have a few great friends but for various reasons it is hard for us to meet up.

I have also found some great friends in chat.

We are scattered across the country but we know that we are there for each other and that has made such a difference to me.

All the best

Elen

[shoegal]

Feel free to PM me also. Hey, maybe we could set up a little group over MSN or something? :shrug:

[mike83]

Hi Lisa

I am in the same situation. I feel tired nearly all the time and find it hard to enjoy anything. I remember I used to have a zest for learning things but now I struggle and don't see any point. I just have my family but I don't want to burden them with my problems and they seem to work a lot. I have a motivation problem, my room always gets in a state and I want to tidy it but I always put it off and I feel I can't do anything until thats sorted. I have a few online friends but they are different in some ways. I've been so bored lately I decided that today I will actually tidy my room and get something done for a change instead of endlessly checking the same websites and watching rubbish on tv!

[LonelySoul21]

Same situation really, find it hard to deal with the loneliness really and it's hard to make friends when you are not in a work/study situation. Even when you are in a work/study situation, if you are socially anxious, then it's still extremely hard to talk to people, nevermind make good friends. :(

[Deepest Blue]

Hi ya,

Unfortunately I am too in this situation and find it hard to cope, it's been too long and I feel frightened that I'm never going to see the light at the end of it :(

It's lovely to see that you've received many replies and that so many here are really lovely and caring :)

Take Care.

[claire_2910]

Hi Lisa,

Please like my facebook page, C Fresh Design (pic of an apple!) and I will then add you as a friend. We can have a chat via private message, you are definately not alone!

Speak Soon,

Claire XXx

[xxlisaxx08]

Hi - Not been on in a few days. I've been anxious and trying to avoid Dr Google - So no internet for me! Feeling a bit better today. Exhausted but no so much anxious :)

Spy - That's fantastic you're starting to make progress. CBT does take a lot of effort. The last time I had it I wasn't in the right place and was reluctant to make the effort so it wasn't as successful.

Shoegal - The MSN group sounds like a great idea. Not sure, are we allowed to post our addresses on the forum?

Mike - I know exactly what you mean about lacking motivation. My house has been needing a proper clean for months, but even just to tidy a little bit seemed like a huge effort. However, over the weekend I decided enough was enough and I gutted the place from top to bottom. Even though it was a huge challenge I felt a lot better for actually doing it and it was a great distraction from my anxiety.

lonelysoul - I find it really difficult to make friends when in social situations too. I have this paranoia that 'everyone knows I'm mental' or 'I don't fit in or belong' - So it's probably my behaviour that prevents me from making friends.

Deepest blue - There is always light :) Never give up believing that! I've seen the light. I went from not being able to leave my bed to travelling on a plane a year later. So I've proved to myself it can be done. I just need to find that courage again.

I'm really surprised by the number of replies I've recieved - It really means a lot that people have taken the time to comment.

[evil monkey]

I know the one aaandd...I don't really. I read an article online that cheryl cole's thoughts were driving her mad, and this article about a woman who lost her job and for 2-3 years was lonely,, and I thought.....yeah. feel crappest when there is nothing to look forward (my fave pastimes involve crowds and groups) to and nothing to suggest its going to change. all I do I spose is try and find things I can do without a crowd, like bike rides, gym (when it's quiet), swimming.

[On The Outside]

Sorry to hear that you're struggling. I find it very difficult to cope with loneliness a lot of the time. I do have one friend who I occasionally meet up with but he only really calls me when it suits him. I also have a friend I speak to who I met online who I was going to meet up with but haven't yet as I find travelling causes me more anxiety.

The last two months I've felt particularly isolated and I can relate to the distractions like internet, DVDs, magazines etc not working as many of my interests no longer hold my attention. I understand about the frustration you're going through with getting out as I struggle with agoraphobia and feel very uncomfortable in public places.

Feel free to PM me if you want to write about anything.