Please help me through this.....

[ScaredCaz]

Hi Guys

Not been here for a while again which i should i should help people when i am well and im sorry i dont :-(

I am having a bad time again my hubby is very depressed at the min and my time and energy are so consummed with making sure he is ok i can feel my old fears coming back

I suffer with muscle problems in my back especially around my shoulder blades i am always tense always on edge always waiting for something awful to happen i have a 9 yr old son with Autism who seems to be emotionally over loaded at the minute and my husband is depressed about alot of things but one of them is he feels our sons Autism is his fault due to his bad "genes" i know it is his depression talking but it is making him avoid our son when he is angry which i think our son is picking up on and it goes round and round i dont know what to do....

On top of that i started a new job yesterday just a couple of days in a supermarket a little bit of "me time" i was in the induction and had a panic attack no one knew i was deep breathing and i stayed calm i am actually very proud of myself for getting through it i was having the same ols visions i get of being took to hospital having had a heart attack i was getting chest pains which i know are muscular but when it happens i am sure this is it and i am on my way out of this world

How do i cope with my hubbys depression (which has resulted in him attempting suicide last year but recently only talking of doing it) plus the impact it is having on my son which i cant talk to hubby about because he feels guilty makes the depression worse and so on and my own anxiety?

Today i am tired my back hurts,aches it makes the muscles in my chest ache which make me think i am having a heart attack my neck is stiff im so tired my arms feel heavy i have the 2nd day of my induction tomorrow i dont want to have another panic attack i am so excited about this job i am looking forward to every part of it

Sorry to go on all help is so so welcome thanks guys

[rosi]

You poor love. My son is autistic too and thats enough for anyone to bear without your other troubles.

Can i ask if your husband is receiving any support from his GP or mental health team? If he's attempted suicide and having similar thoughts he needs to be seen ASAP.

My ex husband couldn't cope with my sons condition either. I would protect my son at, what I now realise, was the expense of my own marriage but I would still protect my son whatever it cost.

You need help my love. If your son is in a special school they should have a family link worker who can start to access respite care. It might be worth getting in touch with childrens social services to get some help. I resisited help for 10 years like a fool, now I accept any help I can get.

Book an appointment with your GP today to discuss some coping strategies for dealing with your husband. :hugs:

[ScaredCaz]

Hi Rosi

Thanks for your reply

My hubby is getting lots of help his last episode if you like was saturday we spent all of sunday down a and e getting him sorted out to be honest i am angry with him i feel he should put himself in our sons shoes he is trapped in his world there is no pill for him

Dont get me wrong i am not saying depression isnt serious buisness i know it is but it is just how i feel

My son is in a mainstream school but they are great and they know about my hubbys problems so they are helping both me and my son my son is 9 now and him and his dad are the best of friends he has never said anything about his condition being his fault before which is what makes me think it is his depression i try to explain to him that our son thinks he gets up early and lets the sun out and that alone should make him feel like getting better he assures me he is and i just need to give him time but my feeling is our son should come first maybe i am just a stronger person when things get me down i think about people worse off than me but having said that i do suffer with anxiety which i can not control so maybe this is how it is for my hubby

i just want things to settle a little and for my son to feel better in himself i just have this feeling he senses his dads problems and that makes me so angry with my hubby i hope all that makes sense

Thanks again