meeting people..

[AllofMe]

last week in session with our T she mention how much she wants me to to start meeting new people..[8)] how she wants me to find a couple of nice close friends to go out and do things with that i like to do.. she says that way you won't be at the house/apt. lonely..

ive told her many, many, many times that i am not lonely when i am alone.. that i love time by myself and that it does not bother me at all.. i am not the type to go out looking for friends in 3D life.. or on the puter much.. its rarely that i come on.. but when i do, yes it is wonderful to have someone to talk to an not be ignored of course and of course i wouldnt ignore anyone else.. (getting off topic sorry).. but as i was saying.. i had already told her before pleanty of times im not lonely.. why is it that she must consistantly keep insisting that i have to be.. i just like being by myself.. with my insiders inside i never have a chance of actual quiet (meaning the MPD).. - so in the session once again all i could do was once again tell her i am not alone though.. she just kept talking though..

she said she wants me to start getting out more an trying to make some friends.. meeting people [:O](yea right!! NOT!) is she trying to FREAK me out??? she knows i am NOT a people person.. she knows this... i prefer to be alone.. i prefer to be away from others.. people scare me and others inside.. we always get hurt.. what is she thinking??[Ugh] why is she doing this??[V]

holy macroll[xx(]

[mum2four]

She asking you to meet people so you can face your fears and reduce you fear's. I use to tell my self I was happy alone as well and that If wanted friends i would look for them RARARA ect ect been there done that and if that what you turly beleaive than why do myou have social anxiety think about it. You say you dont care about metting people one way or the other but if that were ture you would not freaking out at the propect of having to meet people. You have to be truthfull to your self as well as other's. There no use saying I dont want friend and in the same breath or conversation say is she trying to FREAK me out. It sound alot like your trying to convince your self like I tryed to do that your better off with out friend's. The truth is you NOT friend or not we have to interact with people at some stage in our life and if you didn't care about people you would not be scared of them.

Face you fear's to make you fear's get better but do it at you pace BABY STEP's if that mean'a just sitting near person at the park till it feel beeter to you then start there if that mean saying hello to one stranger a day and just hello as you walk past them then start there but if you let anxiety rule life it start to affect not just you social side of life but other part of your life if it has not already.

Take it easy take a deapm breath and one baby step at time and a baby step in not meant to make you feel bad it so you dont bite of more than you handle at once.

[AllofMe]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">She asking you to meet people so you can face your fears and reduce you fear's. I use to tell my self I was happy alone as well and that If wanted friends i would look for them RARARA ect ect been there done that and if that what you turly beleaive than why do myou have social anxiety think about it. You say you dont care about metting people one way or the other but if that were ture you would not freaking out at the propect of having to meet people. You have to be truthfull to your self as well as other's. There no use saying I dont want friend and in the same breath or conversation say is she trying to FREAK me out. It sound alot like your trying to convince your self like I tryed to do that your better off with out friend's. The truth is you NOT friend or not we have to interact with people at some stage in our life and if you didn't care about people you would not be scared of them.

Face you fear's to make you fear's get better but do it at you pace BABY STEP's if that mean'a just sitting near person at the park till it feel beeter to you then start there if that mean saying hello to one stranger a day and just hello as you walk past them then start there but if you let anxiety rule life it start to affect not just you social side of life but other part of your life if it has not already.

Take it easy take a deapm breath and one baby step at time and a baby step in not meant to make you feel bad it so you dont bite of more than you handle at once.

<div align="right">Originally posted by mum2four - 19 April 2006 : 07:26:14</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

coming online is sort of like a baby step to me.. then the chat room at the fibro place i go to was another.. i try to go in and talk.. its so hard though.. i start out with a hi.. say about 4 things.. and then find myself with my knees up against my desk.. tucked in.. and me just watching everyone talk.. scared to say anything.. afraid too.. i always interupt.. or dont say the right thing.. and making more friends just means you will get hurt again.. and i do NOT want to get hurt anymore.. we are sick of being hurt.. we would rather live alone , sheltered away.. than to ever be hurt again..

[mum2four]

That so remind me of me a fue months ago when I started to deal with alot of my fear's I have also been on med's for about 9mth now.

May I ask why you say WE alot if there is reason for it and not just a typo ect.

I think if the net is first baby step stick with it and you'll get there the net helpped me get my self back in tom the real world. Just rember to face your fear one step at time at you own pace. Whe in starts to feel a bit better take a new baby step.

[Karen]

Hi AllofMe

I would think your therapist is trying to encourage you to start to challenge your fears of having people in your life and the fear of being hurt.

I have social phobia and before joining this site I had just one long term friend that I rarely see because she is very busy, but apart from that fear of people and of speaking had meant I had isolated myself completely.

I still am very isolated when it comes to having friends who are in my local area, however I have made many friends here and have learnt that people are not so scary after all (well most of them anyway!).

Going into the chat room for the first time was a big step for me but I got past that and was a regular for a while. I now have people here I can chat to, either online or on the phone and I've been to a number of meet ups too.

At the moment I am attending a day clinic and the regular exposure of being with other people is helping me further tackle my social phobia. I have even spoken in groups a few times which I would never have done a while ago.

I realise your issues might be different, but I just wanted to point out that your therapist is not making these suggestions to scare you or to get at you. She is suggesting ways to start very gently to push at the edge of your comfort zone. It is very hard but in the end it is the only way to start to challenge fears and make changes.

Perhaps you could give this some thought for the next time you meet with her and consider what would be the very first step you could take. What would be the least intimidating for you?

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[Lindalou64]

hello ,i know why she is saying these things to you..i suffer with agraphobia but was doing pretty good for yrs until recently..now i have panic daily and i know for myself its because i am lonley i loved being around my friends grant it yes it made it hard with others i didnt know but i mananged for a little while..i wish my friends lived closer cause now i feel like im back were i started..being alone is not healthy i know...even if you could just maby have a friend over for a bit start that way talking to others help..we all need to vent to someone besides a therapist..someone we can laugh with because we all no laughter is the best medicine there is for everything so do it in little steps..cause being alone is not fun...its the fear that is making you feel that way but one day you will see that its true theres nothing better than having friends you can talk too and laugh with..i wish you the best...Linda

[AllofMe]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">That so remind me of me a fue months ago when I started to deal with alot of my fear's I have also been on med's for about 9mth now.

May I ask why you say WE alot if there is reason for it and not just a typo ect.

I think if the net is first baby step stick with it and you'll get there the net helpped me get my self back in tom the real world. Just rember to face your fear one step at time at you own pace. Whe in starts to feel a bit better take a new baby step.

<div align="right">Originally posted by mum2four - 19 April 2006 : 08:54:53</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

sorry i confused you about the "we" part.. i am multiple..(MPD).. again .. im sorry.. its something i dont realize im doing..

all this panic we share.. its not just my own.. i cant single myself out of my inner family.. im probably making no sense at all.. im hushing now[V]

[AllofMe]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi AllofMe

I would think your therapist is trying to encourage you to start to challenge your fears of having people in your life and the fear of being hurt.

I have social phobia and before joining this site I had just one long term friend that I rarely see because she is very busy, but apart from that fear of people and of speaking had meant I had isolated myself completely.

I still am very isolated when it comes to having friends who are in my local area, however I have made many friends here and have learnt that people are not so scary after all (well most of them anyway!).

Going into the chat room for the first time was a big step for me but I got past that and was a regular for a while. I now have people here I can chat to, either online or on the phone and I've been to a number of meet ups too.

At the moment I am attending a day clinic and the regular exposure of being with other people is helping me further tackle my social phobia. I have even spoken in groups a few times which I would never have done a while ago.

I realise your issues might be different, but I just wanted to point out that your therapist is not making these suggestions to scare you or to get at you. She is suggesting ways to start very gently to push at the edge of your comfort zone. It is very hard but in the end it is the only way to start to challenge fears and make changes.

Perhaps you could give this some thought for the next time you meet with her and consider what would be the very first step you could take. What would be the least intimidating for you?

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

<div align="right">Originally posted by Karen - 19 April 2006 : 13:13:49</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">


thank you karen for your post.. it did help me feel better.. my T does have great intentions about all of this.. i know she does.. i guess ive just been so satisfied and content maybe even enjoyed being alone and not having friends and all their dramas in my life that meeting others just means trouble to us.. and oh my gosh with as much as we got going on... not sure we could know how to deal with the outside friend ones again.. its been so long..

but like yall keep saying.. baby steps.. maybe this will be good.. [:I]

whats least intimidating to me?? umm.... going to the park with my help.. :)

[AllofMe]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">hello ,i know why she is saying these things to you..i suffer with agraphobia but was doing pretty good for yrs until recently..now i have panic daily and i know for myself its because i am lonley i loved being around my friends grant it yes it made it hard with others i didnt know but i mananged for a little while..i wish my friends lived closer cause now i feel like im back were i started..being alone is not healthy i know...even if you could just maby have a friend over for a bit start that way talking to others help..we all need to vent to someone besides a therapist..someone we can laugh with because we all no laughter is the best medicine there is for everything so do it in little steps..cause being alone is not fun...its the fear that is making you feel that way but one day you will see that its true theres nothing better than having friends you can talk too and laugh with..i wish you the best...Linda

<div align="right">Originally posted by Lindalou64 - 19 April 2006 : 17:44:12</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

so very true linda.. so true.. im so glad you were so good with friends.. i do hope there is someone there with you now to be a good support for you.. you deserve that..

i too wish you all the best.. ;)

[mum2four]

sorry i confused you about the "we" part.. i am multiple..(MPD).. again .. im sorry.. its something i dont realize im doing..

all this panic we share.. its not just my own.. i cant single myself out of my inner family.. im probably making no sense at all.. im hushing now[V]

<div align="right">Originally posted by AllofMe - 20 April 2006 : 00:38:03</div id="right">
[/quote]

Dont hush I dont get confused often I was just trying not to assume anything and trying to understand fully that all that my obsession lol