Intrusive thoughts.

[cj1992]

Hello my name is cj, I am 19 and i having these thoughts since before christmas. It started with a random thought of stabbing my dad. It scared the hell out of me. We were just sitting around watching tv and boom. I have alwasy been a worrysome person. I think i have always had and anxiety problem. Even since pre-school. I had such an issue with being away from my mother that my parents had to pull me out of pre-school. That was just the start of things to come. I had a really hard time all the way through high school with anxiety. I would always be like what if something happend when i was gone. What if someone broke in and hurt my mom or something happend to one of my other family members. Even if they were just leaving the house for a little while if they wernt back when they said they were then i was worrying if something happend. Still to this day i feel the need to pray when someone leaves or if i leave. I have always been a carrying person towards everyone so when these horrible thoughts started it didnt make since to me. It has been going on for awhile now and it has just been getting worse. It started of just happening every once in awhile now its pretty much all day long. It went from thoughts of hurting my father to my siblings and random people. I recently got my drivers license and i have thoughts of what if im driving around and decide to go kill someone or sexually assualt someone. Even though i know i dont want to do those things its not enough to comfort me anymore. I also have thoughts of molesting my youngest sister lately and it terryifies me. It is even worse when i pick her up from school and we are alone in the car. It makes me feel so disgusted with my self because she is my little sister and i would never do anything to hurt her. I also have thoughts that i may be gay. I know I am into woman. I have never been sexually attracted to men but that doesnt seem to help. I feel guilt for no reason. When it first started when i saw a cop i felt like i had done something wrong. I am really tired of all this. I want to get my ged and go to school to be a auto tech but i feel like this is holding me back. I really want to talk to someone but my parents are devorced and my mom moved away and i always felt like she was the one i could talk to. Thank you for your time i know i could go on all day about this but ill end it here.


:wacko:

[Soler]

I can see where you're coming from mate, I've got a similar problem as you'll see in my post just above yours, it's frightening, but the best advice I can give you (from what Shoegal has told me) is to go to your doctor and tell him, he'll give you meds if they are needed, and if it's that bad then ask for CBT therapy.

I'm going through the exact same as you currently are and I sympathize with everything you say. Your mind plays tricks with you, and makes you believe you're capable of it (even though your not because it's disgusting and it distresses you).

I hope you get better, as I know of how horrible this experience is (as I've had it for 2 months). If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to PM me.

[cj1992]

Thanks soler its awesome to know someone knows what im going through. What would i say to set up an appointment would i just set up a check-up.

[Soler]

If they ask me whats the appointment for I'd just say it's something personal, today has been one of my worst days ever, been crying all day. It's all so hard to deal with. I'm off to my doctor tomorrow to request CBT Therapy which is the best type of therapy to deal with this because they will make you face what you fear becoming.

I just found this, and it's given me massive hope that I'll come through the other ends of this one day.

http://www.neuroticplanet.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=12687&p=59348

Keep me updated with how it goes, I know how much it sucks and how much you are disgusted by these thoughts (even though they might say different) but the only way you can stop them is if you stop reassuring yourself and stop 'fighting' them, which is very hard to do because your natural reaction would be to be like "No I'm not". It's something I have to learn to do, even though it's very hard because it's about something seriously sick and disgusting. I've had thoughts trying to tell me that I like these thoughts, but I don't and my initial reaction is to say "No I f**king don't, leave me be" which then worsens the thought.

I wish you well.

[shoegal]

Hi. My sister had unwanted/intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill people when she was suffering from a bad bout of anxiety (she is lovely and wouldn't harm anyone EVER). It's important to remember that everybody has weird thoughts sometimes but people who don't have anxiety can just shrug them off. Anxiety sufferers tend to worry about WHY they had the thoughts and they start dwelling on them and being afraid of them coming back. As soon as you start doing that, of course the thoughts come back!!! The fact that you find the thoughts distressing means that they are not real or true. If they are affecting your life significantly I would go and see your GP who can decide whether CBT or anti-depressants might be helpful for you. CBT is counselling where they teach you how to challenge and control your unwanted thoughts so you can recover and get on with your life. Good luck. And don't worry, you are most definitely not the only one suffering from this awful affliction.

[cj1992]

Thanks for all the help, Soler i will keep posted. Tell me how it goes at the doctor also.

[Soler]

Look at it this way cj.

OCD feeds off things you fear the most, so you wouldn't be feeling bad if these weren't things you feared, I'd be more worried if I wasn't scared about these things. (Which paedophiles aren't scared off, they get some sort of sick kick out of these thoughts).

Learning that OCD feeds off things I fear has helped me a bit.

[cj1992]

I understand what you mean It just feels like you have to dig through all the bad thoughts to get to the rational ones.

[Soler]

Does yours ever feel so bad, that they're almost real?

Mine do at times and it sucks :(

[cj1992]

Yes it is so vivid sometimes that it feels like you did something

[cj1992]

Im having really bad sexual thoughts right now. It sucks so bad.

[scott26]

Hi

Totally understand how these thoughts upset you. But just remember that the reason they upset you is because you fear them. Mine were so bad that made me just want to end it all. But I went to get help which was antidepressants and also had cbt which I would recommend. The CBT is very good, makes you understand what's happening and why. Helps you to except the thoughts for what they are. Which is just thoughts. It's hard but trust me there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not totally better but I'm getting there. Ever need to talk pm me. Stay strong :D

[cj1992]

thanks alot scott, it is always great to know that someone knows what your going through.

[WillyB]

Just as a bit of reassurance, my intrusive sexual thoughts almost ended me, i was certain there was no way out. My mother kept saying it will get better but i never believed her. That was two years ago when it started. I lost my social life, i lost interest in everything, i stopped eating, i stopped smiling, i pretty much ceased to exist outside of my thoughts. Now, i have just finished my first year at university, my social life has never been better, i laugh, i smile, i can do things. Although im not completely fixed, i can finally live again, thanks to CBT and the support of others.

You will get better, you probably dont believe me and feel you have hit absolute rock bottom, but TRUST me, you WILL get better.

[cj1992]

Thanks willyb, I know what you mean I feel like i just cant feel anymore. I laugh but its like im just making sound i dont really feel much. I hate it so bad, I have always been someone who loves to joke around and laugh but i feel like i cant do that anymore.

[fordbird]

i too have intrusive thoughts similar yet also others and i am seeing a cbt therapist for. i refuse to take meds but at same time im sick of the thoughts day in day out and as you can see its near 2am and i stil dont want to go to sleep cos too scared and got to b out early tmo!
they take over your life
even wen u try dealing with them there til there now im considering takin something from the doc so sick of em after ten yrs!!!!

hope that helps