I can't do it anymore.

[QueenOfHearts]

I'm so tired of being alone. Everyone gives up on me eventually.

I don't have anyone who i can rely on (friendwise) to be consistent and reliable and supportive. I came home from uni for the easter holidays and was worried it would be awful because i have no friends at home. After having a really horrible term at uni were all of the peopel i saw as friends stabbed me in the back i had nothing to loose.

I do have a friend at home that i went to school with however she comes and goes. I came back to uni today because i had a meeting and said she could come with me and we could go out and do things. I bought and paid for her ticket but she didn't show up. She phones and says "shall we meet up and do this/that" and then you don't hear from her again. She says i'm the only one that has a problem with her doing this but whenever i tell her how much it hurts me she just breaks off all contact. I know she doesn't only do it to me but it really hurts.

My boyfriend was my everything and he dumped me. My so called uni friends have dropped me because they say i'm attention seeker who won't get over my anxiety and depression. I've told the uni and my therapist what is going on and they're supportive, but i know what i need. I need friends. I'm doing the right things trying to be sociable and have joined societies and the like. My course is so full on that there isnt' as much time for extra-curricular stuff as other courses. I'm a bit older than most people in my year and a lot of them are quite immature.

Its getting to the point where i'm waking up everyday dreading the day ahead. I hate going anywhere because everyone has someone except me. I do go to a support group for people with depression and the people are lovely but lately i've found them to be a bit suffocating. You can't tell one person in the group something without them going and telling anyone else, and although i like them they're a lot older than me sometimes as much as 30 years older. I don't have anything against them but socialising with them isn't the same as meeting with people of my own age and they don't understand this as they keep wanting to come round (i live in university halls). I can't even meet people in halls because i am a warden and so i'm meant to set an example and it means students don't associate with the wardens.

I'm at the stage now where i can see very little to go on for. I know that may sound melodramatic but what is the point in trying when people are so cruel. They use me and then toss me away when they don't need/want me anymore. What is the point in dragging myself up when i'm alone.

[Alexandra]

Hi Hun

Im so sorry to hear your feeling so low at the moment. I do understand how you feel & you are not alone at all.

Your so called friends as you say & also your boyfriend could'nt have been real friends if they could just drop you like this. You will meet & make better friends than any of them put together.

As for the other girl from home i think maybe its best to leave someone like that well alone you do'nt need to keep being brought down like this. I know its hard but you have to move on you can & will be able to do this but it will take time.

The societies sound like a really great idea, hope you manage to get time to go to them & relax & have a good laugh. You really need to make time for number one (Which is you) & you deserve it hun.



Take Care





Alex

Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart

[joanne87]

Hello love.

I have just read your post and i cant even start to imagine how you are feeling, i have been i a simlar situation recently aswell, when i got diagnosed with anxiety and depression it was just after me and my ex split up and that broke my world, he was there for me untill problems arose and then i was on my own, my best friend has a boyfriend and whenever she does i dont see her or hear from her, im only there when she wants me and shes got time free from her boyfriend and busy social life to spend time with me. so i was left on my own with my mum (whos a depressant) my thoughts and diazepam. it wasnt great to start off with, then i found this site and i can honestly say i felt better, when id come home from the gym getting myself down thinking about my ex and knowing that im going home to nothing and ill just wake up tomorrow and do the same and not make any changes in my life nor meet new people or go anywhere, id log on to the chat room and everybody in there is a great help and they are all lovley, but that only lasted untill id go to bed and wake up the next morining and feel worthless and didnt see the need in getting out of bed because it felt like nobody would be bothered, anyway i wont bore you anymore with my story, id just like to say that you are not alone and you will meet new people who will make better friends than you had and your life will get better, as i hope mine will too.

I hope this is of some help to you, if you ever want to chat then pm me, because we could all do with more friends.

Take care

Jo x

[QueenOfHearts]

Thank you for your replies. This site is lovely and people are supportive. I guess for me i just need to be around people and know that i have friends around and i don't have that. I haven't had that for a long time and its gotten to the point where i've done everything i feel i can do.

I don't see a way forward and i'm fed up of hurting so much. I know i have things to be thankful for compared to other people, but it doesn't take away from the fact that loneliness for me at least is one of the worst feelings in the world.

[feege]

Hi QOH

Just seen your post and I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling again. I know it seems so overwhelming at the moment but you are very strong and so intelligent and you have stepped outside of your world and it makes you feel very isolated.... but trust me, although it doesn't feel like it, this is a stage you are going through. I do not have any friends from my school days or my uni days but since then I have made some of the most wonderful friends you could ever hope for. I think for some of us who are struggling to achieve things to make friends when we are young.

Splitting with your boyfriend has catapulted you into a negative lonely place but it will pass with time.... Young friends are nearly always unreliable, most people do not understand how difficult some people are finding things until they get older and have had bad experiences themselves, so the just don't 'get it'. As the years go by more and more of your peers will have experienced periods of depression, anxiety, trauma and become more able to understand and accept.

You have so much to give in your chosen career, we so desperately need people like you who can be sympathetic in their profession...

I'm sorry I'm not around more to be supportive - I am so overwhelmed with my own situation at the moment, but I am thinking about you....

It's a tough world but you can rise to the top because you are the cream! (oh sorry how cheesy!).

(((HUGS)))



Fee xxxxxx
www.like2like.com

Why live life anticipating the bad things when you could be anticipating the good?
Good and bad things WILL happen!

[QueenOfHearts]

Thank you for replying feege, its nice to know you care.

Things are overwhelming. I have to go back and face the people who have been in a sense bullying me. One of them is now trying to act nice towards me, very cleverly so that when i react badly to her all peopel will see is me being awkward without knowing why i'm acting like that and yet again i come across as the bad person. I'm so bloody fed up of people walking all over me and of being hurt. I'm not a bad person why do people think its ok to do that. I know people are young and foolish. But i'm the same age as them. If it was one or two people i could brush it off, but in the last 18 months 10 people have done this to me. What am i doing wrong? I don't even have a chance to get close to people anymore.

I feel guilty righting this because i know there are people out there doing everything to live and survive, and it makes me look ungrateful and selfish. Maybe i am. I just don't want to live like this anymore. Whats the point of making a good doctor some point in the future if i can't be a decent stable person now.

I'm so angry at myself, disappointed in all the people who have let me down and scared about the future. I can't do more than i am to make friends and it that isn't working then there's nothing left. I can be comfortable in my own company when i am alone out of choice, not because i don't have anyone else to be around.

[andrew]

hi queen of hearts,

sorry to read your still struggling. your feelings do still seem to be overwhelmed. your so called friend 'no showing' on you, seems to have dumped you back into a lot of hurt feelings. all i can do is offer you a hug and tell you the intensity of it will pass. i can relate.

you are doing plenty to make friends, so let it be. turn up at your clubs and groups, try and get involved and enjoy the activities and let things come to you in there own time. try not to get involved in other peoples mind games. try not to wear your heart on your sleeve.

you're not doing anything wrong. you are a decent stable person. why are you so angry at yourself when you are trying so hard. try and stay positive, keep on sharing your feelings, you can get through this.

take care ... andrew

[Southern_Belle]

Hi

I am so sorry you are going through this and having to go through your studies at the same time! People can be so cruel. You are not doing anything wrong, they are. I think if you stay involved in your activities you will meet the right person to make a true friend. It is easy to internalize and blame yourself but it just isn't the case. I personally have chatted with you and find you highly intelligent and very easy to talk to. I believe you will make a fine doctor and possibly after going through all this will have the best bedside manner any physician has ever had! Believe me I know how difficult this is, I have been there, but you are building character that none of the others will ever have!

Bell

[Paddington]

you will be a beter doctor for all this!you will truely empathise with others and spot anxiety at twenty paces and help people who have esuffered the same as you!Could you not start a group within uni for others with depressiom/anxiety etc.that would be wonderful as they would be the same age as you ,and you can not be alone in this in such a big place,just stick something on the message board .see what happens!i ,too,know bout the friend thing,all mine fell by the wayside,and i get lonely but better than being walked on!i have made friends on here of all ages,i dont know how old some of them are at all!!I know it's not the same as a social life ,but it's gentle and understanding and at times we all have a giggle dont we??you hang on in there matey,our kidds and grand kids need doctors like you to fight our corner!god bless.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[ashley]

AAR darling .. i feel you pain and can really see how alone and down you are, it seems the nicer that we are in life the more we get stabbed in the back, i have always wanted to know why this is?
Darling i too have been through a right old time with friends and im glad i have found out what people think of me, it hurts but then i relise they cant be worth it, like the people that have fobbed you of love, they are so not worth it, you are worth more, and somewhere they must be gelous of this.
I even found a conversation where two of my so called friends were slagging me of on the computer, i kinda stubbled across it, and i was so upset about it... recentley i found out a great deal about some of my so called friends, and they are not worth it, and no matter how lonley i am i am certinley not going to lose sleep over wasters like that.
Darling , you will find good friends and they will be the kind of friends that dont judge , ya know what i mean.. that will be there when the chips are down , when things are going good they will still be there, and they will love you uncondtionally... and if they dont LATERS .
I know its hard and i have cried about the way i have been treated(men anthour story) i know that lonley feeling ..i too was like you, but then i got tough..
And sweetheart you have got friends , you have got us.. and so many people are here for you anytime of the day.
You will be fine in the end, dont give up.. you are worth so much more.


ashley xxxxxxxxxx