Everyday the same....

[venusbluejeans]

I am getting so fed up with each of my days being the same.................now that I do not have a job it is the same everyday... get up... panic the day through and can not be alone let alone drive alone. so everyday is exactly the same..... and I am getting totally fed up with it...... not being able to go get a job because of my panic...... not being able to get out because of my panic..... just staying in in the same rut everyday...and just nit sure how long my head can hack it :(

[KayleighJane]

hiya :hugs:
sorry to hear your feeling like this, especially after hearing that you made some good progress on your holiday (i read the diary updates you post), its just a blip though, i am going through the same driving issues and being alone issues, and wake up feeling panicky and want to hide! but I do try and carry on regardless despite it being very very difficult.

I got a poster for my wall the other day, it says "tomorrow will be a lovely day" and i try and look at it for as long as possible each night before I go to bed, I am also aiming to make a photo collage to stick by my bed to make me smile in the morning, all these things have been suggested my counsellor and I am going to try them, maybe you could do something similar and see how you feel?

anyway I am on here quite a lot of the time so if you want to chat just give me a pm and I will try and help in any way that I can. :)

Kayleigh x

[venusbluejeans]

Thanks, I think holiday was a lot better as I had to be out and about so got out of the cycle of mundane days....

but now back at home I am back to how it was.....scared to drive alone so can not get out and stuck in the house or scared to go for a walk alone. so everyday is the same, I just get so frustrated and most days I can not even remember what day it is...

[debs71]

Hi venusbluejeans,

I know exactly what you mean. My days have been like that for 17 months now since I have been out of work, and frankly it does my head in, but you can make strides to vary your days, though I know it is hard.

I do this purely because I know if I don't it will be a downward spiral of anxiety, panic and depression as I have too much time on my hands and will sit and let my mind go into overdrive which stirs my anxiety.

I do everything I can to distract myself, be it clearing out my wardrobe, playing games on the internet (word games), etc. I know my situation is somewhat different as I am not working but am actively job searching as (touch wood) my anxiety and panic is manageable right now, but what I do to make a bit of extra cash is sell clothes and goods I don't use any more on Ebay. It is pretty potluck, but I have made extra cash and every little helps. I also find this good as not only am I making money but also it occupies my time listing the item, putting the photos on the website, packaging up the item, etc, which again distracts me from my anxiety and makes me feel productive.

It is a silly thing, but it really helps.

Another good thing is exercise, cliched but true. That is good as you don't have to leave the house to do it, just pop in a fitnes dvd and off you go.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and many people can empathise with your situation.

Best wishes.xxx:bighug1:

[KayleighJane]

Hi venusbluejeans,

I know exactly what you mean. My days have been like that for 17 months now since I have been out of work, and frankly it does my head in, but you can make strides to vary your days, though I know it is hard.

I do this purely because I know if I don't it will be a downward spiral of anxiety, panic and depression as I have too much time on my hands and will sit and let my mind go into overdrive which stirs my anxiety.

I do everything I can to distract myself, be it clearing out my wardrobe, playing games on the internet (word games), etc. I know my situation is somewhat different as I am not working but am actively job searching as (touch wood) my anxiety and panic is manageable right now, but what I do to make a bit of extra cash is sell clothes and goods I don't use any more on Ebay. It is pretty potluck, but I have made extra cash and every little helps. I also find this good as not only am I making money but also it occupies my time listing the item, putting the photos on the website, packaging up the item, etc, which again distracts me from my anxiety and makes me feel productive.

It is a silly thing, but it really helps.

Another good thing is exercise, cliched but true. That is good as you don't have to leave the house to do it, just pop in a fitnes dvd and off you go.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and many people can empathise with your situation.

Best wishes.xxx:bighug1:

I agree, I like writing so i tend to go on my computer alot and write things down be it a diary or a short story or something, i also like to read so i try and lose myself in somebody else's world and i tend to try and think about the characters and the plots and things that are going on in the book but like everyone has said its hard to concentrate sometimes but you can do it :) x

[venusbluejeans]

I would love to get another job as itb would get me back out the house but at the minute my anxiety is so bad that i can't.... I habe no money coming in as i do not know what benefits to apply for.... as it is not like i can get job seekers if i am not able to work....

I used to go to the gym and have a membership to one that I am desperate to use again. but can not as at the minute not able to drive alone to get there..

I do sell things on ebay sometimes and have some things just finished and have some more to put on.

It is not like i really did a lot when i was 'normal' probably about the same as what I do now..... but with the anxiety i feel trapped in the way i am and see no way out as it is all mingling into one......although when i did feel 'normal' of course i had a job to go out to each day...

thanks xxx

[KayleighJane]

I would love to get another job as itb would get me back out the house but at the minute my anxiety is so bad that i can't.... I habe no money coming in as i do not know what benefits to apply for.... as it is not like i can get job seekers if i am not able to work....

I used to go to the gym and have a membership to one that I am desperate to use again. but can not as at the minute not able to drive alone to get there..

I do sell things on ebay sometimes and have some things just finished and have some more to put on.

It is not like i really did a lot when i was 'normal' probably about the same as what I do now..... but with the anxiety i feel trapped in the way i am and see no way out as it is all mingling into one......although when i did feel 'normal' of course i had a job to go out to each day...

thanks xxx

i think you could be entitled to employment support allowance, http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Illorinjured/index.htm

have a look and see what you think, if not you could contact them and explain your situation and they might be able to explain what you would be entitled to. I didn't work from january to may so i know what its like to have no money or any income.

[debs71]

Venusbluejeans....you sound so much like me.

I left my job as a nurse in Dec 09. I had already resigned as the stress was taking its toll on me. During my notice period I had a panic attack on shift and passed out, and that indicated to me that my decision to resign was justified as my health just couldn't hack it anymore. I decided to leave nursing for the duration and look for something entirely different, but I did not realise it would be so hard.

Initially, I had to leave prematurely as my anxiety blew up big style after that panic attack, and I wasn't able to complete my notice period, and nor was I well enough to work for quite a period afterwards. I had to go back on medication after being off them for ages. Now though, I feel well enough to work and have only just started claiming JSA after months of urging from my family to do so, but I was determined that I wouldn't claim a thing, but after a substantial time of job searching without success, I just had to.

I agree with kjane. I am certain you are entitled to support of some kind. On the direct.gov.uk website their are numbers you can call to enquire about your entitlements as well I believe, and there is also an online benefits checker too.

I am like you in so much as even when I am well, and way before I became ill, I was never a big social person, didn't have a huge social circle around me, and was quite happy to lead a quiet life at home with my family, with the odd night out with one close friend. I have also always been very shy, which in retrospect probably contributed somewhat to my nerves/anxiety. I know how hard it is, let alone having the anxiety on top to make things even more tricky. Are you getting help for the anxiety as that really helps set in you mind that this will not be the status quo for you forever, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I can totally relate to you hun.xxx:hugs:

[evil monkey]

ditto with you on a lot of that.

with nothing changing. no accomplishments during the day, and no things to look forward to at weekends. and the idea that it might not change, at all.

i think if i knew things were going to change or even thought i did have the power to chang things (even if they aren't changing at the moment), Id feel so much better.

[venusbluejeans]

thank you Kayleigh I will look that up....

Now i do not have my work it is just the same thing over and over again, just the same day over and over....at least when i worked i got out the house. but now being afraid to be alone i can not even feel at peace in the house.

I worry all day everyday always on high alert. always petrified.

The only other thing besides work that i used to do is go to gym classses and the gym, and i can not even get there becaus of my fear of being alone and driving. but i think 1/2 hour on an exercise bike would do me some good even if it is to get me out the house...

[KayleighJane]

thank you Kayleigh I will look that up....

Now i do not have my work it is just the same thing over and over again, just the same day over and over....at least when i worked i got out the house. but now being afraid to be alone i can not even feel at peace in the house.

I worry all day everyday always on high alert. always petrified.

The only other thing besides work that i used to do is go to gym classses and the gym, and i can not even get there becaus of my fear of being alone and driving. but i think 1/2 hour on an exercise bike would do me some good even if it is to get me out the house...

look it up and see how you get on you never know you mght be suprised and be entitled to more than you think. I feel the same as you, always on my guard and waiting but not qiute sure what for if that makes sense?

Maybe try and set yourself a goal of getting to the gym sometime? meet a friend there and you might not feel so alone and do your workout and see how you feel?

[venusbluejeans]

Well I went to the drs today and am now on Ciprilmill 10mg.

and it turns out I have a high cortisol level....and been refered to the endicrinology dept...

i started the gym about 4 weeks before this episode started and it turns out that exercise increases the amount of cortisol and in turn the high levels of cortisol cause depression........ and as i was thinking that if my levels were high anyway then the gym really did not help and maybe caused my 'episode' I am having now.

so maybe the gym is not a good plan untill i have seen the endocrinologist whenever that may be..

[KayleighJane]

well at least its a start :)

hope things get sorted out soon though for you, good plan with maybe stopping the gym until you've seen the endocrinologist and then you will have more of an idea about where you are with things x

[venusbluejeans]

yes it is , and slowly very slowly i can see a light at the end of the tunnel..............it is about the size of the end of a needle but i can still through a little light through it.

[paula lynne]

Hiya, Im sorry you are having a bad time, my days are repetative too....by tuesday the house is clean, washing done.....then the bordom starts........I left nursing too, and have turned my hobby of flower arranging into a little business from home. Im self taught, and ok, I'll never be rich, but the sense of achievement is fantastic. Maybe there is something you could try yourself to keep occupied, learning a new skill is always a plus.

Ok, its not exactly living life on the edge, but who wants that? Not me. I did a bit of gardening today, and Im also beginning a funeral arrangement for Fri, Ive washed my hair, and sorted clothes for charity. Tomorrow, I will think of different things to do, including going to the library, meeting a friend for lunch, and reading that book Ive been putting off. Start to take pleasure in the little things again, and build up. I hope you feel better soon. TC..Paula x