find it so hard to trust anyone

[On The Outside]

I really wish I could find some new friends but am really struggling at the moment. I've had some really bad experiences with people in the last couple of years culminating in a particularly hurtful experience recently.

My self esteem is at an all time low and I want to be able to meet people again and trust people. But I've had what little confidence I have knocked back so many times I'm more cautious than ever.

I fear spending the rest of my life alone.........

[Tyke]

Are you currently seeing your GP? It sounds like you could do with some professional help to get over what has been happening to you. You might benefit from counselling and there are medications for depression and anxiety if you need them. There is always hope and things can and do get better, but I know it doesn't seem like that when you're depressed.

[On The Outside]

I don't really have a proper GP. I haven't seen the initial one I saw who first referred me to a psychiatrist 13 years ago for some time and he wasn't particularly good. The local medical practice leaves a lot to be desired. You can't even get an appoinbtment without phoning up very early in the morning and when you go down there the receptionists are uncooperative to say the least.

I have seen counsellors, therapists and been on medication but none of these things really worked as the NHS resources here are so limited. Even if they weren't so they probably couldn't help me with all the problems I have. It would take a long time to unravel all that is wrong with me and how I ended up the way I am and I can't afford private treatment.

Sometimes I feel that I cope well with my depression as I've really hated my life for years and dread aking up. I wish I could sleep all the time. I can rationalise my thoughts and understand the reasons why I'm so stuck but I don't know how to stop my thoughts and get out of the rut I'm in.

I wish I didn't feel that I need friendship and love as much as I do as I usually end up hurt and disappointed.