Feels like life has passed me by

[dela]

The only legacy that I have left so far in my life is the deep hole that I keep digging. Why, oh why do I do this over and over.? Most of the time lately I’ve been yawning or shaking my way through each day. My brain stuck in neutral. Wanting to just sleep and be away from the world.

At the moment I hate so much about my life.. hate where I live, hate my job, hate food, hate being awake, hate being alive. I try to understand about how my faulty thinking may be behind a lot of this but it’s like my brain doesn’t comprehend.

I feel so isolated and cut off.

Coming on here I feel like an outsider and that I will end up letting everyone down here. That I will just take take take and not give anything back. I absolutely hate this depression and anxiety so much. I want to be able to look “out” and engage with the world around me and with those in the world around me.

I can’t seem to think about anything other than this damned depression and anxiety. Feels like life has passed me by

I keep coming to the conclusion that to die is the only solution. I know that is just the depression talking.

I’d like to hear from you.
I want to make my time on here worthwhile but I’m not sure how to do that most effectively.

[hayles]

Your post made me sad to hear how terrible you feel.
We are all here for words of comfort and just virtual hugs.
I love this site, it gives me the reassurance that i crave.

There is an end to all this, we have to believe it to just get thru.

Please keep your chin up, you WILL get past this, it takes tine and patience (which i do not have...lol_)

Big HUg

Hay x

[jackie]

dela there are times on here when we give and times when we receive. this is just your time to receive and we are all here to do that for you. no feeling guilty about this as it is what we are all here for

im sooo glad you know that not wanting to live is just the depression talking and not the way you truly feel about life. no matter how bad it gets, remember chose life every time. give yourself time to be bad and time to heal. for once life is gone it is gone forever and there will be no time to fix your slef then.

give yourself time to ride the storm and get some healing. i hope we can all help with this

jackie

[Keitharcher]

dela

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time at the mo, have you thought about changing the direction of your thinking, your not sleeping, your either examing your eylids from the inside or are deep in contemplation. Instead of thinking about digging deep holes why not convert that to making a ladder to climb out of the hole your in at the moment. I am sure if you could just start thinking [positive like that you will soon be feeling a lot more positive about everything

Keith

[Coyote]

Hiya Dela,

I am going through pretty much the same thing. My problems really struck at 17 (although existed years before then) and I am now 26. What you describe couldn't be more familiar to me. I couldn't go to work and it cost me a very well paid career path. It cost me everything, now I'm building myself up from literally having nothing left in my life.

No routine, sleep too much (why get up to face the day?), sleep too little (through no choice), why go on (talked myself out of suicide a good half dozen times). I don't want to die, but there have been times along this psychologically painful journey we walk where I couldn't face it, nor did I want to even try anymore. I share your pain, also the feeling that my life is a waste ... "whats the point of existing if its like this?". I still ask myself that a lot.

I'm sure many people on this forum can relate to the sensation that they're standing on the outside of the world, looking in at it from the outside. I promise you, as long as you keep standing in the face of the adversity of depression, there IS a way to conquering it, however long it takes. This is my first post, but already from reading what others have had to say, I know that people here care and understand, often at a very personal level.

Just know, that you're NOT a waste of life. I think the stronger the spirit of the person, the harder depression hits them. We're not freaks, we're NOT weak and we're not walking a pointless path. Keep standing, keep fighting, and keep the faith that things can get better. I know such words can seem futile when you're really low, but you don't stand alone. We will all fight this common enemy together.

~