Hopeless

[haziefantasie]

Everything just seems hopeless now, im never going to be happy so why bother?

Ive realised that my ex/boyfriend/ex/boyfriend (weve split up so many times even ive lost track) is emotionally abusing me, yet I keep going back for more. I feel like I deserve to be punished, I dont deserve to be loved or treated with respect x

[Tyke]

Hi Haziefantasie

If it really isn't working out with your boyfriend, then splitting up and moving on is a positive result. If he is emotionally abusing you, you will only end up feeling even worse in the long term. It may seem grim now, but in time you will be able to appreciate a better life without him. You feel like you don't deserve to be treated well because that's how you've been made to feel. Try and get out with supportive friends instead or join something where you can meet other people. You have been liberated.

Tyke

[Spidergirl]

Hi Haziefantasie

If it really isn't working out with your boyfriend, then splitting up and moving on is a positive result. If he is emotionally abusing you, you will only end up feeling even worse in the long term. It may seem grim now, but in time you will be able to appreciate a better life without him. You feel like you don't deserve to be treated well because that's how you've been made to feel. Try and get out with supportive friends instead or join something where you can meet other people. You have been liberated.

Tyke

I agree with Tyke and I'm going through same. I'm fed up of being messed about so enoughs enough

[haziefantasie]

Thanks for your replies, & spidergirl im sorry youre going through this its awful.

I just dont feel strong enough to stay away from him - when im with him I know its not right & am starting to see through what he does but when im alone I panic & start worrying about him & that im always going to be alone. I dont have any friends where I live, ive joined a gym but I just dont have the energy or motivation to go. Ive applied for a job miles away to make a new start but its taking ages to hear back if ive got it, & even if I do get it Im so scared Ill be too ill to go & the stress will be too much for me. I just dont see any way out. I just want to hide away & go to sleep so I cant think or worry any more x

[munkeyinblack]

better to be on your own and have a chance at life than be with someone who is making you miserable.
Sounds like your looking for a quick fix and for everything to magically to fall into place for u and unfortunatly it doesnt work that way :)

you sounds like a nice person so give youself a chance and let go and move on to bigger and better things!!
let us know how you get on

tc
munkey

[On The Outside]

I've felt really hopeless for weeks after what seemed like a very promising friendship with a girl I cared a lot about ended unexpectedly and I now feel even more cautious than ever about trying to meet someone else. I just want to forget about her and move on but can't as I have even lower self esteem than I had before.

I agree with the others that if your BF is emotionally abusing you and you don't feel right with him you're probably better off out of the relationship. I'm sorry to read you feel you don't deserve to be loved or treated with respect. I've read about lots of women who feel like that but nobody deserves to be punished when they've done nothing wrong. That's how I feel about myself now as I feel I've been punished for something I haven't done.

[haziefantasie]

Thanks again for your replies :)

Well I feel slightly better tonight - I ended up ringing the domestic violence helpline and they gave me some great advice, I would recommend anyone call them if they are in my situation. I felt like a bit of a fraud at first coz Ive only been with this guy for a few months and hes never actually hit me but they said all the warning signs are there that it would progress to violence if I stayed with him so I dont think Im worrying for nothing. Theyve said I can ring them whenever I want if I feel like I need more support so at least thats a bit comforting aswell. They did recommend cutting all contact with him though which is very scary - Im so used to trying not to upset him all the time and I know that he'll kick off if I tell him I dont want to know him anymore. Anyway, I think Ive made progress today so at least thats something. Sorry to waffle on x

[Tyke]

They did recommend cutting all contact with him though which is very scary - Im so used to trying not to upset him all the time and I know that he'll kick off if I tell him I dont want to know him anymore.

Maybe that's partly the reason why you always end up back with him. You are actually quite scared of him and feel he could turn nasty if you upset him. If you think he may turn violent just be careful when and where you tell him you're finishing. Would you feel safer having a friend with you?

Tyke

[haziefantasie]

I havent got any friends close by, but my brother & his girlfriend get back from holiday tomorrow so Im going to ask if I can stay with them for a couple of days while I tell him. The more I think about it Ive realised hes probably just a coward & I dont think he'll do anything too bad but I guess its better to be safe than sorry in these situations.

Anyway thanks again for your advice :blush:

[Alicat]

Just wondering, what makes you say you deserve to be punished and not loved or treated with respect? x

[haziefantasie]

I think its partly to do with my childhood - I never felt that my parents loved me & therefore there was something wrong with me. When I get really low I feel extremely guilty, even though Im sure deep down Ive done nothing wrong. My self esteem was already so low but he has shattered what was left of it. A few days ago I honestly thought he loved me, but how could anyone be so cruel to someone they love? Everything must have been a lie, it must have been his plan all along x