Sude
26-05-11, 21:20
Hi everyone,
first off, want to say how thankful I am for finding this forum. I have had general anxiety and health anxiety for about 5 years now. My anxiety is usually cancer or HIV based. Cancer ones are easier to deal with as I can feel or see a "symptom" then ask for reassurance from loved ones or visit the GP and be okay for a while as I feel convinced I don't have that particular cancer.
However when it is HIV, it is completely different story. First of all I am a virgin BUT I have had some kind of sexual activities with 3 people. Although I know back down I didnt have actual sex with these people and I was never at risk, I got tested twice with rapid tests because I IMAGINED later on the what ifs. I don't want to get into too much detail but although we had safe activities I imagined scenes as I was actually having sex with ex but may not realized, remembered etc..
After the tests I had some kind of relief but then I read a post on a doctor forum saying rapid tests are only 85% reliable then all the stress and worry came back.
I will soon get married and the incidents I mention happened more than 2 years ago. Now I constantly think back and some memories flash back as I was actually having sex with my ex bfs because there is possibility that it could although deep down I know I didnt have sex with them bc I always had HIV phobia. The things flash back as skin to skin contacts or a moment where I imagine what if it actually happened. When I read HIV is contracted only only 1 in 1000 through vaginal sex I automatically think what if I had anal sex ( thinking a moment when I had a skin to skin contact with my ex and imagine having sex- although deep down I know I would know if I had sex esp anal sex considering I had nooo sex ever It would be something I would know):weep:
Sorry for the loooooong post but I just want to know if any of you imagine things as I do just to confirm your worries?:wacko:
THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING!
first off, want to say how thankful I am for finding this forum. I have had general anxiety and health anxiety for about 5 years now. My anxiety is usually cancer or HIV based. Cancer ones are easier to deal with as I can feel or see a "symptom" then ask for reassurance from loved ones or visit the GP and be okay for a while as I feel convinced I don't have that particular cancer.
However when it is HIV, it is completely different story. First of all I am a virgin BUT I have had some kind of sexual activities with 3 people. Although I know back down I didnt have actual sex with these people and I was never at risk, I got tested twice with rapid tests because I IMAGINED later on the what ifs. I don't want to get into too much detail but although we had safe activities I imagined scenes as I was actually having sex with ex but may not realized, remembered etc..
After the tests I had some kind of relief but then I read a post on a doctor forum saying rapid tests are only 85% reliable then all the stress and worry came back.
I will soon get married and the incidents I mention happened more than 2 years ago. Now I constantly think back and some memories flash back as I was actually having sex with my ex bfs because there is possibility that it could although deep down I know I didnt have sex with them bc I always had HIV phobia. The things flash back as skin to skin contacts or a moment where I imagine what if it actually happened. When I read HIV is contracted only only 1 in 1000 through vaginal sex I automatically think what if I had anal sex ( thinking a moment when I had a skin to skin contact with my ex and imagine having sex- although deep down I know I would know if I had sex esp anal sex considering I had nooo sex ever It would be something I would know):weep:
Sorry for the loooooong post but I just want to know if any of you imagine things as I do just to confirm your worries?:wacko:
THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING!