poor-sparrow
26-05-11, 22:23
Hi everyone, I am a 24 yr old woman. Here is some info about myself:
I am quite an anxious person in general, and once in a while I tend to have these huge anxieties related to my health. Whenever this happens, I lose sleep, am miserable, can't concentrate, and feel compelled to obsessively research whatever it is I am frightened of.
I think this anxiety stems from two things, the first being my education. I am a biomedical sciences graduate and am going to medical school in the autumn, so obviously I have spent years studying disease and am more aware of what's out there. Secondly, I lost two grandparents, quickly and unexpectedly within a short period of time. This was my first experience of loss and it totally freaked me out... one minute they were ok, the next minute they were dead. Sounds stupid but it made me realise I was mortal, and all those diseases I'd read about in books actually happened to real people.
My current big fear is HIV. The fear has been taking over my life for the past month or so. I have been seeing a guy on a fairly casual basis, and to be honest I don't know very much about him. He works in another city but is originally from my city, has a house here, and we meet up when he's in town. I always practice safe sex, but when I last stayed with him a month ago, the condom broke and we didn't realise until the following day. I am so upset by this! It's like I may as well not even have bothered trying to protect myself. I asked him about HIV/STI testing, and he told me that he had been tested 'a few months back, and all fine'. I don't know if I believe him. I suppose he doesn't have much reason to lie, and seemed to be telling the truth when he was saying how much he hated having the blood drawn, and how good it is that 'they let you know by text now!' I know he's probably not in a high risk group...white, educated, presumably (?!) straight male, don't get the impression of IV drug use...but who knows.
I'm so worried. I know the obvious solution is to go and get tested, but the tests available in the clinics are most reliable at 6 weeks+, and it's only been 4. I am also terrified of the results. I had the exact same thing happen before christmas (with the same guy) and went for testing in Feb. I was negative of course but the week's wait nearly killed me!
I keep monitoring my body for every little move it makes. About 10 days after the incident I had one bout of abdominal pain, nausea and diarroea. It lasted a day or so. Today (a month later) I have a tingly nose and throat. I'm so terrified these are symptoms of early HIV infection. I feel like I'm going crazy and don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I feel so alone. I know my friends have all had unprotected sex, and none of them are panicking about their own health.
Sorry this message was so long...I needed to get everything off my chest. :)
I am quite an anxious person in general, and once in a while I tend to have these huge anxieties related to my health. Whenever this happens, I lose sleep, am miserable, can't concentrate, and feel compelled to obsessively research whatever it is I am frightened of.
I think this anxiety stems from two things, the first being my education. I am a biomedical sciences graduate and am going to medical school in the autumn, so obviously I have spent years studying disease and am more aware of what's out there. Secondly, I lost two grandparents, quickly and unexpectedly within a short period of time. This was my first experience of loss and it totally freaked me out... one minute they were ok, the next minute they were dead. Sounds stupid but it made me realise I was mortal, and all those diseases I'd read about in books actually happened to real people.
My current big fear is HIV. The fear has been taking over my life for the past month or so. I have been seeing a guy on a fairly casual basis, and to be honest I don't know very much about him. He works in another city but is originally from my city, has a house here, and we meet up when he's in town. I always practice safe sex, but when I last stayed with him a month ago, the condom broke and we didn't realise until the following day. I am so upset by this! It's like I may as well not even have bothered trying to protect myself. I asked him about HIV/STI testing, and he told me that he had been tested 'a few months back, and all fine'. I don't know if I believe him. I suppose he doesn't have much reason to lie, and seemed to be telling the truth when he was saying how much he hated having the blood drawn, and how good it is that 'they let you know by text now!' I know he's probably not in a high risk group...white, educated, presumably (?!) straight male, don't get the impression of IV drug use...but who knows.
I'm so worried. I know the obvious solution is to go and get tested, but the tests available in the clinics are most reliable at 6 weeks+, and it's only been 4. I am also terrified of the results. I had the exact same thing happen before christmas (with the same guy) and went for testing in Feb. I was negative of course but the week's wait nearly killed me!
I keep monitoring my body for every little move it makes. About 10 days after the incident I had one bout of abdominal pain, nausea and diarroea. It lasted a day or so. Today (a month later) I have a tingly nose and throat. I'm so terrified these are symptoms of early HIV infection. I feel like I'm going crazy and don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I feel so alone. I know my friends have all had unprotected sex, and none of them are panicking about their own health.
Sorry this message was so long...I needed to get everything off my chest. :)