mtatum4496
28-05-11, 15:14
Many of you know that I developed agoraphobia as a result of my anxiety disorder. In recent months, it has waned somewhat and I've been getting out with less distress. At times, I almost feel normal.
Then there are times like this morning...
My thought was to trot over to the local farmer's market, a scant eight blocks from home, pick up some fresh vegies, then come home and loaf around the house. We're talking a ten-fifteen minute errand at best.
So what was the problem? This morning I felt a severe almost crushing fear of stepping outside my door.
Now, I do still often have a little bit of trepidation when I go out, but sometimes it is barely there. Today, it was so strong that my instinct was to jump back into bed and pull the covers over my head.
So what did I do? Got dressed and went anyway, with my heart racing and my head spinning and that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that feels like a pile of jelly shifting about.
And what happened? Not a blessed thing. I visited several booths at the farmer's market, picked some lovely tomatoes, cucumbers, rutabagas, and sweet potatoes. Then I stopped at a convenience store on the way home and bought a newspaper which I will read shortly.
The fear and its symptoms began to fade while I was in the market and by the time I got to the convenience store were gone - leaving me feeling a little worn out but otherwise just fine.
So once again my anxiety did its level best to keep me from doing something and I did it anyway, and nothing bad happened - reminding me one more time that all anxiety does is lie and deceive and that I should not listen to what it whispers in my ear.
Then there are times like this morning...
My thought was to trot over to the local farmer's market, a scant eight blocks from home, pick up some fresh vegies, then come home and loaf around the house. We're talking a ten-fifteen minute errand at best.
So what was the problem? This morning I felt a severe almost crushing fear of stepping outside my door.
Now, I do still often have a little bit of trepidation when I go out, but sometimes it is barely there. Today, it was so strong that my instinct was to jump back into bed and pull the covers over my head.
So what did I do? Got dressed and went anyway, with my heart racing and my head spinning and that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that feels like a pile of jelly shifting about.
And what happened? Not a blessed thing. I visited several booths at the farmer's market, picked some lovely tomatoes, cucumbers, rutabagas, and sweet potatoes. Then I stopped at a convenience store on the way home and bought a newspaper which I will read shortly.
The fear and its symptoms began to fade while I was in the market and by the time I got to the convenience store were gone - leaving me feeling a little worn out but otherwise just fine.
So once again my anxiety did its level best to keep me from doing something and I did it anyway, and nothing bad happened - reminding me one more time that all anxiety does is lie and deceive and that I should not listen to what it whispers in my ear.