hannah26
30-05-11, 23:47
Hello,
My name is Hannah and I had my first panic attack a little while after after my 16th birthday I am now 26.
Now I am feeling better, touch wood, or at least I was until a few days ago, I have been out of work for about a year I want a job so badly so I was so happy that I got one 4 weeks ago now its in a hospital as a hca on a cancer ward, I didnt really think about what the job would entail I was just so happy to get a job.
I was supposed to start today so on Saturday I went to pick up my uniform and when I stepped on to the ward the smell of hospital hit me, I hate hospitals what the flipping hell was I thinking.
And then I saw a poor lady suffering from cancer she looked so ill, I cant get her out of my head and I have been anxious and so worried ever since and then this morning when I was supposed to go I had a massive panic attack and didnt go in, I feel like crap sorry for the langauge.
I have let my manager down and myself but I just dont know what to do.
I want to ring up the manager/ward sister and tell her how I feel but I am just so embarressed and feel like a complete failiure.
I want to move on with my life, I want to move out from my mums house I love her and my little sis so much but I need to grow up but I cant do that without a job but my anxiety and low self esteem just stops me.
I just feel so rubbish, I am so scared that I will be at home forever jujst me and my mum and I dont want that I really dont, I want a boyfriend and children but I just dont think its gonna happen for me and I am petfified that I will be alone with no life forever, I feel like I am living a half life and waiting for my real one to begin but I know that it wont without me doing something but I just dont know what, I have no close friends to turn to, well thats a lie I have no friends full stop.
It never used to be like this before PA's and anxiety I was so happy, had loads of friends, went out had fun and felt content, now it couldnt be further from that.
I dont want to complain to much because I am very lucky that I have my wonderful family, a roof over my head and a sort of healthy body and a lot of people do not.
What should I do, what can I do!!
I am so sorry for the long post I just needed to unload, I hope you dont mind, jujst feeling a bit pooey!!!
Hannah x x x
Sorry I posted this in two places as I was unsure where to put it..x
My name is Hannah and I had my first panic attack a little while after after my 16th birthday I am now 26.
Now I am feeling better, touch wood, or at least I was until a few days ago, I have been out of work for about a year I want a job so badly so I was so happy that I got one 4 weeks ago now its in a hospital as a hca on a cancer ward, I didnt really think about what the job would entail I was just so happy to get a job.
I was supposed to start today so on Saturday I went to pick up my uniform and when I stepped on to the ward the smell of hospital hit me, I hate hospitals what the flipping hell was I thinking.
And then I saw a poor lady suffering from cancer she looked so ill, I cant get her out of my head and I have been anxious and so worried ever since and then this morning when I was supposed to go I had a massive panic attack and didnt go in, I feel like crap sorry for the langauge.
I have let my manager down and myself but I just dont know what to do.
I want to ring up the manager/ward sister and tell her how I feel but I am just so embarressed and feel like a complete failiure.
I want to move on with my life, I want to move out from my mums house I love her and my little sis so much but I need to grow up but I cant do that without a job but my anxiety and low self esteem just stops me.
I just feel so rubbish, I am so scared that I will be at home forever jujst me and my mum and I dont want that I really dont, I want a boyfriend and children but I just dont think its gonna happen for me and I am petfified that I will be alone with no life forever, I feel like I am living a half life and waiting for my real one to begin but I know that it wont without me doing something but I just dont know what, I have no close friends to turn to, well thats a lie I have no friends full stop.
It never used to be like this before PA's and anxiety I was so happy, had loads of friends, went out had fun and felt content, now it couldnt be further from that.
I dont want to complain to much because I am very lucky that I have my wonderful family, a roof over my head and a sort of healthy body and a lot of people do not.
What should I do, what can I do!!
I am so sorry for the long post I just needed to unload, I hope you dont mind, jujst feeling a bit pooey!!!
Hannah x x x
Sorry I posted this in two places as I was unsure where to put it..x