I am a useless failure.

[mrk74]

Hi

My life is now getting beyond a joke because of my anxiety and negative attitude. Evertime I think things are getting better for me something comes along and wipes it all out. I try so hard to find a job, ive been unemployed now for a year since I came of ESA and im finding it impossible. I wish I could get a job and my own place to live but thats not going to happen. My family have had enough of me my friends dont bother with me and nobody will give me a job. my anxiety prevents me from doing loads of things that I want to do and ive had enough now. Im a useless failure who doesnt deserve to be alive. I really do wish I could die. Id kill myself but im too chicken to do it. :weep:

[lior]

Your life is worth as much as anyone else's!

I was suicidal for a while, but I'm so glad I didn't do it. If I had killed myself now I wouldn't have had all the fantastic experiences I have had since then, and I've made other people happy too. It's worth staying alive for the potential future!

If you feel like that, I find the best thing to do is do something nice for someone else, or treat yourself to something. If you treat yourself well, then you will boost your own self value. Make yourself a really nice meal or give your mum a present for having been so supportive to you.

Bother with yourself and people will bother with you. And in the meantime while you're unempolyed, learn something new! At least you have a family you can live with. Use this opportunity to do something you couldn't do if you had a job.

There is life out there! You've got to make it come to you :) good luck!

[Granny Primark]

I totally agree with lior.
Why not do some voluntary work?
There is loads of voluntary jobs going. Im sure that it will help.
I put my name down for meals on wheels but in the mean time I am working 2 mornings a week in a charity shop.
Employers will appreciate the fact that your doing something useful.
Loads of luck and good wishes. x

[Magic]

Hi MRK,Listern to Lior and Granny primark.
They have said it all. Don't give up:hugs::hugs:

[nuttymoo]

I felt like you last year. That I was a burden on my family and a failure and I wanted to be dead. It was a horrible time that I hope I never experience again. I only wish I had joined this site back then as I know I would have found it easier to cope with.
I've annoyed the hell out of my family and they've got very angry with me at times but it doesn't mean that they wouldn't want me around. It's very hard for people, who don't experience anxiety and panic, to understand how awful it makes you feel.
Jobs are really difficult to find at the moment but it will get better. Working in a charity shop is a really good idea as it's something extra to put on your CV.
I don't really have any advice, the other replies had some good ideas for you. I just wanted to let you know that I felt exactly the same and am so glad I didn't do anything that would have left my family with guilt for the rest of their lives.
You're welcome to pm me if you like :)

[mrk74]

Hi again everyone.

Thank you for your posts and advice. Im feeling better today, been out for a walk to the jobcentre and I felt quite calm, which is good. I think I was just having a bad day and I needed to have a rant. I was just wondering if I do voluntary work would it affect my benefit in any way?

love xx

[GAD_GUY]

Speak to a Disability Employment Advisor mrk74. As far as I am aware as long as the voluntary work does not prevent you from looking for and being available for work then it shouldn't affect your benefit but there is a limit on the hours you can volunteer per week. I fell extremely lucky as my voluntary work actually led to the job I have been doing for the past few years - there are times I have felt just like you did in your earlier post but things do get better.

Jobcentres and some of their staff can be terribly daunting and frightening and I do hope you have an advisor who is understanding and sympathetic to your situation.

[mrk74]

Thanks Gad Guy. I think il have a chat about it when im due for my next interview at the job centre. :)

[Angel259]

I've been unemployed for nearly ten months now, and there's no hope of a job in sight, due to my various fears/limitations - but, I'm helping in a charity shop twice a week, plus I've started doing Speech & Drama exams (I passed my RADA Bronze Shakespeare Certificate - aided and abetted by Propranolol, of course! - in April) and writing poetry, which I've posted on PoemHunter.com.

I began Cognitive Behaviour Therapy today, so I'm really hoping that will help. It's my only hope of getting back into work, as far as I can see.