Nanna1988
01-06-11, 19:42
Hello everyone,
I am 22 years old, and I think I have monophobia.
This is me: I love being around people, I feel the happiest when surrounded by people, I work in the film business, I love being loved and need feedback, like to get compliments.
My past: My elementary school teacher told me that I was dumb and that I wonīt get anywhere in live, she hated my mother and didnīt want me to come into her class. This experience made me work very hard in life so that I have an incredible education, appearance and work skills. (yet I never think I am enough?!) Even though I have been voted "most beautiful" I am not confident with myself- I am able to see that I am pretty but somehow inside I am still insecure. I feel as I have to make sure that other people know that I am doing well. I really care about what other people think. (I donīt show it at all, I am popular and most people probably donīt even know what is going in inside me- I am tired of hiding it though and just want to be happy!). I want to be loved.
I have been raised by a single mom, she had cancer when I was 9 years old and during that time I was left alone a lot. She almost died, was in the hospital for more than a year. My mom and I have a great relationship, we are like best friends.
Now: I donīt like being alone, I never thought that it could be a phobia?! I just thought I was a peoples person.. My boyfriend just told me a couple of days ago that he is thinking that I could have that phobia. I think he is right. When I am alone at home, I donīt feel like doing anything..people ask me why I donīt go shopping, to the movies or for a walk- it simply is no fun doing that stuff alone. I thought that was normal? I walk my dog but would just never do stuff by myself. If I know I am at home a certain day (no work, no school) and I know my boyfriend wonīt be there, I start to feel really bad, I know I will waste my day- because a day alone is no day at all. I get scared, not scared as in-omg something is going to happen but it is such a unnice feeling, I hate it! I donīt have a problem coming home from work, knowing that noone will be there for a few hours, as long as someone is coming home. Right now my boyfriend is still living in the United States and I am back in Europe (we are living here now) and I am alone in our new place, I donīt have a panic attack or anythign but I want him on Skype so that I am not alone. I cannot stand thinking about being alone, it hurts inside. I also remember when I was very young (about 5 years old) and my mom went to Seminars, I would not like it at all, I would chase her to the elevator holding her tight. Noone really thought that this was an issue, we just have a really good relationship. I remember when my mom went to a seminar when I was 10, I was supposed to go horse back riding over the weekend to my friends house. I was sup. to meet her at my place and then we would meet up her parents to drive there. When she came to pick me up, I would not want to go with her (Maybe because I really liked home??) I ended up being alone over the entire weekend and that feeling was horrible. I also remember my mom going to another seminar when I was 12, I thought I was being fine being all alone by myself but I remember the darker it got, I just started to freak out and started crying- I called many, many people until one family came to pick me up. I really didnīt feel comfortable at their place but I just didnīt want to be alone. The reason I am mentioning all those stories is, that since my boyfriend started talking about monophobia and after I read the symptomes, those stories all popped back up in my mind and everything is starting to make so much sense. I would say it is probably a very slight case of monophobia but I want to cure it, I am sorry that I wrote so much, please, please HELP, thank you so much =)
I am 22 years old, and I think I have monophobia.
This is me: I love being around people, I feel the happiest when surrounded by people, I work in the film business, I love being loved and need feedback, like to get compliments.
My past: My elementary school teacher told me that I was dumb and that I wonīt get anywhere in live, she hated my mother and didnīt want me to come into her class. This experience made me work very hard in life so that I have an incredible education, appearance and work skills. (yet I never think I am enough?!) Even though I have been voted "most beautiful" I am not confident with myself- I am able to see that I am pretty but somehow inside I am still insecure. I feel as I have to make sure that other people know that I am doing well. I really care about what other people think. (I donīt show it at all, I am popular and most people probably donīt even know what is going in inside me- I am tired of hiding it though and just want to be happy!). I want to be loved.
I have been raised by a single mom, she had cancer when I was 9 years old and during that time I was left alone a lot. She almost died, was in the hospital for more than a year. My mom and I have a great relationship, we are like best friends.
Now: I donīt like being alone, I never thought that it could be a phobia?! I just thought I was a peoples person.. My boyfriend just told me a couple of days ago that he is thinking that I could have that phobia. I think he is right. When I am alone at home, I donīt feel like doing anything..people ask me why I donīt go shopping, to the movies or for a walk- it simply is no fun doing that stuff alone. I thought that was normal? I walk my dog but would just never do stuff by myself. If I know I am at home a certain day (no work, no school) and I know my boyfriend wonīt be there, I start to feel really bad, I know I will waste my day- because a day alone is no day at all. I get scared, not scared as in-omg something is going to happen but it is such a unnice feeling, I hate it! I donīt have a problem coming home from work, knowing that noone will be there for a few hours, as long as someone is coming home. Right now my boyfriend is still living in the United States and I am back in Europe (we are living here now) and I am alone in our new place, I donīt have a panic attack or anythign but I want him on Skype so that I am not alone. I cannot stand thinking about being alone, it hurts inside. I also remember when I was very young (about 5 years old) and my mom went to Seminars, I would not like it at all, I would chase her to the elevator holding her tight. Noone really thought that this was an issue, we just have a really good relationship. I remember when my mom went to a seminar when I was 10, I was supposed to go horse back riding over the weekend to my friends house. I was sup. to meet her at my place and then we would meet up her parents to drive there. When she came to pick me up, I would not want to go with her (Maybe because I really liked home??) I ended up being alone over the entire weekend and that feeling was horrible. I also remember my mom going to another seminar when I was 12, I thought I was being fine being all alone by myself but I remember the darker it got, I just started to freak out and started crying- I called many, many people until one family came to pick me up. I really didnīt feel comfortable at their place but I just didnīt want to be alone. The reason I am mentioning all those stories is, that since my boyfriend started talking about monophobia and after I read the symptomes, those stories all popped back up in my mind and everything is starting to make so much sense. I would say it is probably a very slight case of monophobia but I want to cure it, I am sorry that I wrote so much, please, please HELP, thank you so much =)