Fallen into the Black Hole...

[xhyperyogix]

Hello,

Sorry i had to post here because i don't want to go into chat and bring you all down. You are all so lovely, and I care how you feel.
I was feeling great this morning. I'd got over some odd things from last week, so thought I was back under control somewhat! I was so euphoric i posted on fb about how i was listening to the most happy music in the world on my ipod! Then since mid morning for no reason it's all been getting worse and worse for no reason. I'm so peed off I never seem to have any control over my brain and what it does. I can't even summon any motivation to panic (I see panic / anx as my brain fighting falling into this hole, not sure if anyone relates to this..). I can't do this any more - why does my brain think the only option left is the black hole? I've got so few thoughts that even writing this is taking a huge effort, but i think it will help to write...I'm pretty much non-functioning. I feel so guilty about it too. Like my brain is punishing me. Because I feel alone I also feel guilty because I have nice mates, but I can't let them see me like this as I don't deserve them. And my family will only worry even more than they do already.
Has my body given up on me or the other way around? I'm seeing my counselor tomorrow so I really hope she can get me out of this, because i don't know what to do. My life is ruled by all of this stuff, and I've got no control at all. I really hope it doesn't last long.

Sorry if I've depressed anyone. I really hope to post nice things here soon. And I will always be here to help anyone else, since I had all this sort of stuff for a very long time now.

Love (non-functioning)-yogi. xxx

[Ingenious]

Really sorry to hear that - but there really is no need to apologise, we've been (or are in) that place too, so we'll help you if we can :)

I think it's one of life's great mysteries how the mind can change so much in a short space of time. I used to get awful blips with depression, I could nose dive in the space of a day or less.

But if this has happened to you before, after a few times you do get a bit of hope - because you may not be able to stop it but you know if you just keep your head down and be patient, you'll come out the other side. Its brilliant news you are seeing your counsellor tomorrow and have someone to chat to.

[xhyperyogix]

Thanks ingenious. I totally get your nose-diving, good word for it! And yes, you'd think by now, I'd be able to say, yeah wait a few days and it will pass, and happy times will be back. I don't know but when these things happen, a part of the brain where logic normally is shuts off!

Thanks again for your support, and I do feel a bit better today - just need to get through til 4pm counselling!

xxxx

[Elen]

Hyperyogi

Dont ever be scared of coming into chat and saying that you are down.

People there care about you, and in my experience talking there can help a lot.

I hope that things go well at your session today.

Please feel free to come into chat and speak your mind any time.

Take care

Elen
xxx

[munkeyinblack]

im in exactly the same funk this week, iv had to go back and live with ma parents for afew weeks cuz i wasnt coping on my own, just feel like i dnt care about nethin and wish everyone would just go away and leave me alone, feel like i wanna sleep all the time 2.

sorry i dotn really have any advice for u but i hope ur counselling helps and if u ever need a vent just msg me, i definatly know what your going through

tc
munkey
x

[Aimee22]

Wow.....a black hole is certainly a good desription. I am having that today.I am in bed, unable to face the world. I feel consumed with emptiness and self-loathing for being so weak. NEVER apologise for it. If you could control it you would. I feel sometimes I am going crazy. Does anyone else worry that tbhey are totally alone in this world? I find everythng a struggle. Help :( Aimee x

[haziefantasie]

You are definately not alone, Im also in that black hole right now. I havent got any answers unfortunately but at least we're all in this together x

[xhyperyogix]

Wow - can't believe how many people are in the black hole with me - maybe we should have a party in there?!! :biggrin: I wish I could make you all better hazie, amie, munkey.

munkey, I'm sorry that you feel that you weren't coping, but parents can be lovely - I did the same thing a few months back, just went and stayed with them and flipped out a lot - odd how if you show things as they are (I'm v bad at that), amazing how much support you get from those you think won't know what to do.

amiee, yep, I do worry that I am totally alone in the world. In fact it goes worse, but I know it can't be true. I feel like I'm not here. Like I may disappear,and I'm not made of anything. Or if people can't see me, then I don't exist, or if I can't see them, they are not real. Oooouch, my brain HURTS!!! And the body-mind separation thing. Counsellor says it's my brain gets overwhelmed and can't deal so shuts itself off to protect itself... dunno if this helps you though, soz!

So, anyway,, counseling has helped somewhat today. Strangely I was in a receptive mood (not full of distractions and hyper, or too far gone in the black hole to actually have a conversation!). Jenny says that I need to stay in this, and be OK with being me, and not try to control it. Far easier said than done, because I want to go out get happy again. It's the hallowed 'middle ground' I guess. Hmmm, thoughts to ponder there!

So, anyway thanks to all. I do feel much less alone now, and Elen, thanks for making me feel OK about being in chat when I'm down. I guess it's like Jenny says, I am allowed to not be amazingly happy and bubbly and people will still like me....

Off into chat for me...

Lots of love, (slightly-down, but getting better)-yogi xxx:hugs: