xhyperyogix
01-06-11, 21:18
Hello,
Sorry i had to post here because i don't want to go into chat and bring you all down. You are all so lovely, and I care how you feel.
I was feeling great this morning. I'd got over some odd things from last week, so thought I was back under control somewhat! I was so euphoric i posted on fb about how i was listening to the most happy music in the world on my ipod! Then since mid morning for no reason it's all been getting worse and worse for no reason. I'm so peed off I never seem to have any control over my brain and what it does. I can't even summon any motivation to panic (I see panic / anx as my brain fighting falling into this hole, not sure if anyone relates to this..). I can't do this any more - why does my brain think the only option left is the black hole? I've got so few thoughts that even writing this is taking a huge effort, but i think it will help to write...I'm pretty much non-functioning. I feel so guilty about it too. Like my brain is punishing me. Because I feel alone I also feel guilty because I have nice mates, but I can't let them see me like this as I don't deserve them. And my family will only worry even more than they do already.
Has my body given up on me or the other way around? I'm seeing my counselor tomorrow so I really hope she can get me out of this, because i don't know what to do. My life is ruled by all of this stuff, and I've got no control at all. I really hope it doesn't last long.
Sorry if I've depressed anyone. I really hope to post nice things here soon. And I will always be here to help anyone else, since I had all this sort of stuff for a very long time now.
Love (non-functioning)-yogi. xxx
Sorry i had to post here because i don't want to go into chat and bring you all down. You are all so lovely, and I care how you feel.
I was feeling great this morning. I'd got over some odd things from last week, so thought I was back under control somewhat! I was so euphoric i posted on fb about how i was listening to the most happy music in the world on my ipod! Then since mid morning for no reason it's all been getting worse and worse for no reason. I'm so peed off I never seem to have any control over my brain and what it does. I can't even summon any motivation to panic (I see panic / anx as my brain fighting falling into this hole, not sure if anyone relates to this..). I can't do this any more - why does my brain think the only option left is the black hole? I've got so few thoughts that even writing this is taking a huge effort, but i think it will help to write...I'm pretty much non-functioning. I feel so guilty about it too. Like my brain is punishing me. Because I feel alone I also feel guilty because I have nice mates, but I can't let them see me like this as I don't deserve them. And my family will only worry even more than they do already.
Has my body given up on me or the other way around? I'm seeing my counselor tomorrow so I really hope she can get me out of this, because i don't know what to do. My life is ruled by all of this stuff, and I've got no control at all. I really hope it doesn't last long.
Sorry if I've depressed anyone. I really hope to post nice things here soon. And I will always be here to help anyone else, since I had all this sort of stuff for a very long time now.
Love (non-functioning)-yogi. xxx