Moving Out and Worried

[G.Samsa]

Hello all, I'm planning on leaving home and moving into a student house in September and I'm trying to deal with my anxiety around this. I'm going to see a place tomorrow and will have to sign a contract within a week or sooner if I'm going to get the kind of place I want. I've been dealing with panic attacks for a few years now, and thinking about this has really been stressful. It's something I really want to do - partly to challenge myself (I have been suffering from a degree of agoraphobia, and if I can do this I think that I'll really be heading in the right direction), and also because I want the independence, and I want to feel good about myself for being independent. But I'm really struggling with the thought of it - one moment I think I can cope, the next I'm terrified (the mornings especially). Really, I'll still be living near home (I didn't quite feel ready to leave town to study), I could even walk back when I want to, so I shouldn't be so worried. All the same, the idea of signing a contract worries me.

My biggest fears lie in just not being able to relax in my new home - what if I'm in a constant state of panic? I worry about eating around new people and in a different environment - I've always had difficulty in eating around people I'm not familiar with, as nausea is one of my biggest panic symptoms. I'm worried that I'll offend my new house mates in case I have to refuse going out or sharing dinner (it's a shame, as I really enjoy cooking for people). I've got all these images in my head that really frighten me. But I really do want to do this. Most of all, I worry that I'll never have the feeling of 'home' again.

Any advice on how to deal with these worries? Maybe some CBT tips, as I've never really got the hang of it?

[Ingenious]

There are so many positive things in your post about the reasons why you are doing this, which is good to read. If you can stay focused on those I think your battle is half won!

And moving can be stressful for anyone, do afford yourself some slack! It is such a big step in your life.

Being within range of home is a great safety blanket to have too.

I look back on my student days with some fondness, as daunting as it can be at the start there is a lot of fun there too. You're doing this for all the right reasons, all the best.

[macc noodle]

WELL DONE! you have taken the first steps to overcoming your hurdles which is brilliant.

Student life can be exciting and you can make really good friends for life - just be yourself and get that cooking pot out - you will make many friends that way - not all students are so good at cooking and your skills will make you a hit!

Please don't look for problems before you reach them - we all spend too much time allowing our mental health issues to dictacte how we live our lives.

Don't stress about not being able to eat around your new housemates - but make sure that you do socialise with them in the kitchen (a great place to make friends) -just get yourself a cup of tea and hold that or even just nibbly bits of food on a plate so that it doesnt require much effort and really doesn't matter if you don't eat much.

Just try and go with the flow - remember that even those who do not suffer panic and anxiety in everyday life will be feeling just the same as you - leaving home, away from parents and their safety net, meeting new people, looking after themselves - all in the same boat as you!!!! Try to be open and friendly and you will soon bond with them.

Home will still be your parents home - BUT try not to go back there quickly -make a plan that you will stay at your new place every weekend until Christmas - most students try to do this - that way you make friends easier and you integrate better.

You are in a good position that you can pop home for an hour (by the sound of it) and have a cup of tea with your mum and a chat and then go back to your place.

Oh yes and throw yourself into Freshers Week and find some clubs/societies that appeal to you and you will find like minded people there. Use the Students Union and pastoral care facilities at the uni to help you integrate - try and imagine that you have moved 300 miles to be at college, rather than just down the road!

Go and ask you GP if they have any resources such as CBT that you can get help with before you go to uni - tell them how important it is that you get it now and not have to wait!

Good luck

You will be fine :D

[blueangel]

I agree with macc noodle on this one - going to college can be one of the really formative things in your life. I still have a number of friends that I met at college, and I first went there 30 ( ! :ohmy: ) years ago.

The time you leave home is when you really start to find yourself as a person - yes, it is daunting, but we all have to leave the nest sooner or later, and as you say, you haven't left your home town so you haven't got to do everything unfamiliar. In fact, you might even find this useful when making friends as you'll have local knowledge and they won't.

[PanchoGoz]

My mum had ansiety, and she said when she first got there she was homesick for 2 weeks, but she got through it and and she was fine after that and very comfortable. Your studies will distract you a lot also. Well done, I'm sure it will be ok. I'm going next year and my university is 100 miles away!e ek!

[G.Samsa]

Thanks for the great response guys, I'm still anxious, but what could you expect? So long as I know that I can do it, and that it will get easier, then all should be well. I'm going over there in an hour - hopefully my room wont be tiny.

Thanks again!