Two mri scans, results, more waiting and exteme anxiety

[flatterycat]

Hello. In the last couple of months I have posted on here regarding my situation so forgive me if I am repeating myself.
Basically I had an mri scan done of my ears (brain scan) which was fine, however the results found what they thought was a hemangioma(a benign group of blood vessels) in my neck (spine bone). So, I then had to have another mri to confirm it was a hemangioma, but this time of my neck. Anyway, I waited a couple of weeks and was in such a state that I got my GP to get the results instead of waiting for the consultant. The report stated "appearance is compatable with hemangioma". My doc said that that was what it is and nothing else. I have been convinced I have either a spine tumour or secondary bone cancer. My doc said that it wasn't any of those things and off I went feeling happy and so relieved. Then, the next week I got a phone call from my consultant. He told me the results and then said he had now written to an orthopaedic consultant to have a look because it was out of his field. My consultant is ent because it was initially an ear problem. He told me that he wanted thrm to take a look and would get back to me when he heard back from them. I completely freaked out and saw it as more evidence that he had seen something suspicious. I went back to my doc with my fears about secondary cancer. He told me that it was non starter (my fears) and that the ent cons was probably just making sure there was nothing more he needed to do in an area he had little knowledge about.the fact that my doc was so sure it want cancerous then made feel like he was tempting fate.I am so scared while I await the orthapedics response.
Also, I have become obsessed with my weight. This has been going on for ages, even before this current health scare, and I can't seem to control it. I am convinced I am losing weight. I try on loads of my clothes everyday to see if they feel looser. I constantly check my body and weigh myself wheneve the opportunity arises. Today I weighed myself at my mother in laws (the only place I have access to scales!)and I found that I am a pund lighter than the other day. I now are this as more evidence that I have cancer and that I am loosing weight. I am a tall girl, and have always been slim and whenever I have had acute phases of anxiety I have lost lots of weight and then struggled to get it back on. This time I am eating normally and I still seem to have lost a pound.
Please could somone help me to rationalise all this. I am sorry for such a long and comlicated post.

Sarah

[countrygirl]

Hi Sarah - remember me from your previous posts , I have a neurofibroma on my thoracic spine that was found like you by accident while checking something else, I also have a benign cyst on my brain again whilst checking for something else - mri scans have alot to answer for!

When the mri scan found my neurofibroma I was sent to a neurosurgeon who arranged like the a second scan with contrast and he said it is what they thought a neurofibroma and incidental. Again when the brain mri found the cyst the same neurosurgeon once again who wrote that loads of people have cysts on their brain and they cause no problem , mine is close to the jugular artery so is causing the sound of my heartbeat through my skull bones to me left ear. Again he said forget it. a follow up scan few months ago after two years showed it had not altered one bit.

So it is perfectly possible to have all sorts of odd things without them being in any way detrimental to your health.

Please believe your GP - they are telling you the truth.

[flatterycat]

Hi countrygirl.
Were you initially with an ent consultant too?

[flatterycat]

Well after months and months of waiting and severe anxiety. I heard today that I don't need any further investigations and that the hemangioma is completely benign and nothing to be worried about. I have not lived my life properly for months now for the fear. I am now determined to accept that I have anxiety, that I need medication and that I need to take it! So I am back on citalopram and really hope it works again.

I thought that once I heard the results I would be on cloud 9 but I still feel anxious and very on edge. Do you think this is normal?

Sarah x

[MinnieMouse]

Hi Sarah

I remember your post and understand your anxiety. I am waiting for my first neuro appointment this week and have had weeks of extreme anxiety - had moments when I have really thought I was losing my mind. I am convinced I have some horrific disease! In your case though I really do think the specialists are just going through their procedures and passing things to experts in their field. I would imagine that had you got something sinister then you would know about it by now and they wouldn't keep you waiting. As Countrygirl says there a lots of weird and wonderful things going on in our brains that most people who don't have helath anxiety wouldn't even know they had got. With regard to your weight loss I would imagine that is purely down to your anxiety. I always lose a pound or two when stressed as I lose my appetite or burn it off more quickly with nervous energy!
I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine. Keep us posted.

MMx

[flatterycat]

Hey Minnie

I was told today that everything is fine and that I don't need any other tests etc.

I really know now that I have a problem though. Since hearing that I have the all clear with my spine I am now thinking about the lung cancer again. How mad is that? Remember you reassured me the other day? I keep thinking that although I had a chest xray at Christmas - it wouldn't have picked up anything really small and keep thinking about the blood (tiny amounts) I coughed up on the very odd accasion. I have this overwhelming desire to want to check everytime I cough (even though I haven't got a cough!) that there is no sign of blood. I feel relieved when there is none - then 20 mins later need to check again. I wonder if I really need to check?

Just want to stop this cycle.

I'm sure your neuro appointment will be fine, but I know your worries.

Sarah x

[countrygirl]

HI Sarah.
Glad your ortho consultant said all was well and nothing needed doing. I know you know that your problem is the obsessive aspect of health anxiety, you are describing exactly what we all do in that we get reassurance from one symptom or result and within a week or so we have latched onto another symptom.

I understand about the weight issue as well. I need to lose quite alot of weight but due to thyroid and spinal issues this is not easy for me but if I do manage to lose 3 or 4 pounds then I start worrying that any one of the hundred:blush:symptoms I am worrying about at that precise moment is the one that is sign of cancer as I am losing weight as well - totally irrational.

Even if I try very hard with my diet and lose a few pounds instead of being happy about it I worry the reason is not becuase I have been a good girl grrrrrr

[MinnieMouse]

Hi Sarah

That's fab news re your tests. Remember you have been very anxious so it will probably take time for you to process the results, hence your thinking about lung cancer. I also had a fleeting lung cancer moment the other night too! I had a good day but felt breathless when trying to sleep. I was so panicked I ended up getting up and emptied the dishwasher as I felt I had to do something normal. I don't have ashtma but have an inhaler from one of my many GP visits so was puffing on that and feeling very strange and hot. I also had a chest X ray around Christmas time and kept telling myself it was clear. Strangely enough I was talking to a family friend today re asthma and she knows of someone who doesn't have ashtma who is as fit as a fiddle who had really bad breathing problems and had to be hospitalised and they put it down to an allergy to the hairy caterpillars!! I had been to a local attraction the day of my 'breathing issues' and we had walked through a Butterfly House.....!!!! I only spoke to her today and this happened on Sunday night so it wasn't as if she had planted the seed in my mind so to speak! I am exhausted by this whole health anxiety malarky! The constant checking and researching and panicking does my head in. I wouldn't like to know how much of my life I have wasted on GP appointments, blood tests etc etc. Not to mention the pressure it puts on my husband and I feel like I am affecting my young daughter when she sees me upset. I have decided that once I get this appointment out of the way I am going to try hypnotism to cure me. Have you ever considered that?

MMX

[flatterycat]

Minnie
No - not had hypnosis. Don't think I'd be a good candidate because I would worry about be sent doolally - lol

I think you are right, in as much that I will feel rubbish for a while yet while I try to process things. I just wish I could break the cycle of reassurance seeking and checking. Wish there was an easy way - but I don't think there is. I am have private cbt at the moment, but because I have been waiting for all these results I haven't given it much. I am also taking Citalopram 20mg. Have been on it for years and recently got down to 10mg every couple of days. I now realise that I need to take it properly again as I have spiralled so much and start making more effort with cbt.

I too feel bad on my husband and little girl. Everytime I get good results I think, 'Right this time I am going to stop worrying about my health' but it doesn't seem to happen. I was worried all day Sunday that I had motor nurone desease, because I discovered my left wrist was smaller than my right!!!!!!

Sarah x

[flatterycat]

Thanks Countrygirl
It is all so irrational isn't it? I wish someone could just help me break this cycle. My cbt guy said I just mustn't do it - but I need more structured support than that.
How do I break that cycle - only I can!

Sarah x