sun-shine
04-06-11, 16:54
today has been such a world wind of emotions for me? woke up with the usual anxity, and managed to scare myself into yet another panic-attack, thinking i had something wrong with my leg? (dont ask?)... "words of notice": never google symptoms in the midst of a panic attack, it will only increase your fears!
after calming myself down some-what, i decided to have breakfast, was able to force down yogurt (i took my citolpram with breakfast, my 9th day of taking them) i then proceeded to-do the washing up...
an hour or so later something perculiar happened too me? i actually felt a little normal, a litte like my old-self. for a short while i had other emotions other then the usual FEAR, PANIC, DREAD... i actually had the urge to potter in the garden? (somthing i love too do but have'nt in weeks) my anxiety symptoms seemed to go to the back of my mind...
after spending a short while in the garden i run myself a bath and with this new found normality started too plan (dramatically) what i was going to do with my day! (the night before last i remembered my auntie had invited me to her holiday cottage for the night, that was it! i'll go there!)
after getting dressed and having a cup of tea, i sat down for a short while looking forward to a night away from home, then it hit me:
A NIGHT AWAY FROM HOME!? what happens if i have a panic attack whilst im there? what happens if i have a heart-attack on the way up in the car and die? im going to be far from home in un-familiar surroundings? PANIC!! my mind was once again in over-drive!
all of a sudden that normal feeling was quickly out the window, and i became instantly exausted?... oh and that pain in my leg come back too?... i'm now lying on the sofa feeling alone, full of anxiety with a huge lump in my throat, and the majority of health-anxiety related symptoms present once more (chest pain, knotted stomach etc)
... i guess it been so long since iv felt some-what normal, and got carried away?... i'v managed to scare myself back in to the black hole...
sorry for the long and blabbering post guys :(
X
after calming myself down some-what, i decided to have breakfast, was able to force down yogurt (i took my citolpram with breakfast, my 9th day of taking them) i then proceeded to-do the washing up...
an hour or so later something perculiar happened too me? i actually felt a little normal, a litte like my old-self. for a short while i had other emotions other then the usual FEAR, PANIC, DREAD... i actually had the urge to potter in the garden? (somthing i love too do but have'nt in weeks) my anxiety symptoms seemed to go to the back of my mind...
after spending a short while in the garden i run myself a bath and with this new found normality started too plan (dramatically) what i was going to do with my day! (the night before last i remembered my auntie had invited me to her holiday cottage for the night, that was it! i'll go there!)
after getting dressed and having a cup of tea, i sat down for a short while looking forward to a night away from home, then it hit me:
A NIGHT AWAY FROM HOME!? what happens if i have a panic attack whilst im there? what happens if i have a heart-attack on the way up in the car and die? im going to be far from home in un-familiar surroundings? PANIC!! my mind was once again in over-drive!
all of a sudden that normal feeling was quickly out the window, and i became instantly exausted?... oh and that pain in my leg come back too?... i'm now lying on the sofa feeling alone, full of anxiety with a huge lump in my throat, and the majority of health-anxiety related symptoms present once more (chest pain, knotted stomach etc)
... i guess it been so long since iv felt some-what normal, and got carried away?... i'v managed to scare myself back in to the black hole...
sorry for the long and blabbering post guys :(
X