HIV fear - getting very scared - any help?

[ElectricAlice]

Hi everyone, rececently i've developed a bit of an HIV/AIDS scare. I'm so far managing to keep it slightly under control, but I can feel it creeping back up. And silly me - I googled the symptoms, which was a very bad thing to do, because now I'm even more scared.

I've had the same boyfriend for 4 years. And haven't had sex outside of this. He has never been tested, but doesn't have any 'symptoms' and assures me he's fine. Apart from him i've had sex with my first boyfriend, about 6 years ago and my ex, and I got tested whilst being with him and I was fine.

I'm really starting to get scared, as I feel tired a lot of the time, I have a cough just now thats been here for a week and a bit (although it's pretty much gone so far), but I always feel drained. And i'm very thin, 7 stone. I've always been like that, very high motabilism. Even though I eat lots. Also, my appetite has been very low at the moment, but I guess thats because of my health anxiety appearing again.

One of the symptoms said recurrant thrush. And i've had thrush a couple times. And also the last few times me and my boyfriend had sex it was a bit painful. (sorry if this is too detailed, i'm just really scared :( )

I phoned the NHS clinic today to arrange a test, but no one answered, I think because it's a Sunday.

Am I just being really crazy? Can anxiety cause feeling tired all the time?

God. Can't believe i'm back to all this fear :( I feel like i'm back to square one. It's really awful.

[ElectricAlice]

Okay right, i've looked at the symptoms on a proper website and gone through them properly, instead of freaking out because I have one.

unintentional weight loss - I don't loose weight, I just stay the same weight. I'm very slim - but surely this can't be weight loss if i'm staying the same weight? And when I eat lots I gain a bit of belly weigh anyway.

chronic diarrhoea - I don't really ever get diarrhoea, not chronic anyway. Maybe once in a while, but thats normal, isn't it?

skin rashes, especially on your face, genitals or anus - I don't have any skin rashes anywhere.

an increase in herpes ulcers or thrush infections in your mouth and genitals - no herpes, no ulcers and I don't think there's been any increase of thrush, not in my mouth at all.

sweats, especially at night - I only get hot sweats on my period, other than that I don't think I get them.

unusual tiredness - Yes I get tiredness, but I thought this was just anxiety. And it's not every day.

nausea or loss of appetite - I get loss of appetite sometimes, but then other times I'm starving and eat loads. I can't eat when I'm worried or anxious.

swollen lymph glands in the neck, groin or armpits. - I checked all my lymph glands, and they all seem fine. Apart from one in the left side of my neck. It's sort of behind, then down from my ear. It's been like that for aaages, it's sort of a bit bigger than my right sided one. I don't know what that means. Anyone know if this is normal?


Okay, sorry to go on, i'm worried :[ Anyone that can help I'd appriciate it so much.

[ElectricAlice]

Anyone? :(

[ElectricAlice]

Lots of views, but no replies :[

[ElectricAlice]

Now i'm worried that no ones replying because they think i've got it :( blah.

[suzy-sue]

Its quiet normal for this to be present Alice .Lymph nodes are there to protect you against germs and infection ,and they sometimes swell up for no reason .Mine always have .my Dr said it was normal and nothing to worry about .All your other symptoms sound fine and can be attributed to Anxiety and homone levels .You sounds perfectly normal apart from the H/A .Please stop fretting you sound perfectly healthy but anxious .Try to relax and do something to help you take you mind off this obssesive thinking .Maybe watch a happy film or have a nice relaxing soak in the bath .T/c LUV Sue X

[ElectricAlice]

Thank you Sue, that put my mind at ease a little.

The scariest part is going to be tomorrow, I just hope everything goes okay.

[london79]

Hi

As the previous post has said Lymph nodes quite commonly get a little bigger, and I think where have seen this is a symptom then you start to concentrate your mind on it. I know I have in the past I have prodded and poked my lymph nodes in my neck and groin and that have been certain they were bigger, then to be told by my doctor that there were all fine.

I had and continue to have a anxiety of HIV for years and have entered 'hiv symptoms' into google loads of times.

I dont think you are crazy, I have thought I am crazy in the past, but when I look back I know it was my health anxiety talking and nothing else and you say that you have a health anxiety and so you already know that this is making things worse.

I think you are going to be 100% ok.

[ElectricAlice]

I'm going to phone the clinic for a test tomorrow. I'm feeling so aprehensive and scared about it :( My boyfriend can't even come with me as we're in a long distance relationship.

[constantworrier418]

hi

my ha started with a fear of catching HIV and it lasted 10 years before I finally managed to get on top of it (although now I worry about other things!!).

You need to stay away from Dr google - the symptoms of hiv are so common almost everyone will experience at least one at some point but that does not mean they have it! Also the stress and anxiety you are under are probably increasing your symptoms so try to counteract your thoughts abouts symptoms with this thought too. Although you can't be 100% sure your boyfriend is hiv negative but it is unlikely - you have been with him for 4 years so this suggests this is a serious relationship - have you told him how worried you are? if you haven't then do because he could offer emotional support and put your mind at rest - I don't think you have anything to worry about - you could go for a test but I did and I got addicted to having them and never feeling reassured. Feel free to ask any questions or pm me xxx

[ElectricAlice]

Worried again because of how tired I feel :(

[ElectricAlice]

I have been told I have a slightly under-active thyroid. Could this cause fatigue and nausea? Argh can't believe I'm back to worrying about this :(

[ElectricAlice]

My boyfriend doesn't have any signs or symptoms either. So it should be fine right?

[Girl_Interrupted]

Hey firstly I'd like to say how naughty u are to Google ur symptoms!!! its doesn't help!!! it will only feed ur anxiety even more!! And with respect to other HA suffers putting HIV symptoms on here doesn't help others either. Google sucks when it comes to HA as it has thousands of websites telling u 'what u might have wrong with u' I apologise if I seem harsh but I've been there myself, I also had a HIV fear that lasted for 20 years, and believe me what u are doing to urself is causing more harm (psychologically) than ur fear of having HIV. I'm pretty sure all what u feel is normal and accountable for. Most able doctors are able to tell u either by looking at u or through tests what problems u have, and HIV probably isn't one of them. I hate to say it, but sometimes u have to face ur HA and kick it's ass!!! Take care x