I know but can't help feeling this way..

[mel1972]

It's now 2 yrs since my mum passed away and since the start of my HA... But no one knows how much I am suffering, my friends wouldn't understand as they haven't walked in my shoes and I'm embarrassed that this is taking over my life so I have to come here and just talk to get things off my chest!
I am just so fed up with feeling crap, night sweats, tummy upset, indigestion, pain in shoulder blades, loss of appetite, insomnia, mood swings, chest pains, horrid taste in mouth and just generally feeling low and worry about leaving my children without a mum. (I'm a single parent, my mum was my rock, so her passing has hit me hard)
I know it's anxiety and have taken sertraline in the past but have been off them for about 11 months and have to wait 4 months for counselling, till then I apologise for posting!
Thanks for listening. :-)
I just want to be happy again

[Calley]

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling, and it is the most horrible feeling in the world, it is so hard sometimes to live with your mind when its constantly telling you there is something wrong, and not only that, but physical symptoms of something being wrong, when there isn't.. It is completely draining.. Most days I dont want to get out of bed, and I loose patience with the kids so easily :(

Im sorry you lost your mum :( .. I haven't yet thank goodness, but have just lost my MIL to liver cancer that spread everywhere- unfortunately my fear of Cancer and death overcome me alot of the time..

I hope it stops soon, its so hard

[mel1972]

Calley, thank you for your message and I am soo sorry for your loss, and i feel the pain you are feeling too - it's mad that the people I love most get the brunt of my stress and moodiness and they don't even realise why as I try to hide my pain, as they have suffered too.
Here's hoping our suffering gets easier and life will start back on the right track xx

[daybyday]

No apology needed Mel. You are hurting and need to let it out.
:hugs:

[lees6655]

Hi i know how you feel iam going through it now i have had quite a few deaths in my family over the last ten years or so my gran died just over 6 months ago on my birthday which has now triggered it off again . I have suffered with HA for years didn't know what it was at first then found out by accident on the internet the feelings are so real i think i have cancer all the time when my HA comes and nothing can convince me otherwise until my anxiety goes down and i forget all about the illness i have been worrying about. You are not alone its a horrible feeling and unless you have had these feelings people carnt understand what you are going through i know deep down its my anxiety but it hard to convince myself hope you are feeling better soon

[~glowly worm~]

Dear Mel,

i second daybyday, there is no need to apologise thats what this place is for.Four months is a long time to wait when feeling so awful and i can only imagine how hard it must be for you having lost your mum.

i can only speak for myself but i am also waiting for therapy (again), 4 months must seem truly like forever. I have found reading tohers posts on here or even posting one, can give much needed support in my darkest times. Also the articles onm panic really help as do the top tips and therapy parts of the forum. Chat is also excellent for taking the mind away from things for a bit or even getting live advice on coping strategies.
Have you read Claire Weeks books? You can get them on here and while i cant be sure htey would be right for you or even that they wouild help, i and many others have found them great for explaining the physical symptoms which in turn helps calm and ease them for a short time at least.
Also you can do self CBT by book or internet.

Also it may be worth a visit to your gp to see if theres anything that can be done to help you while u wait?

Calley so sorry to learn of your loss, i struggle just sup[porting myself so i think anyone with this type of health problem is incredible for managing children too.

I know this cant take away the current situation but hope it helps u feel less alone.
Thinking of you and sending a gentle hug,

~glow~

[ElectricAlice]

Hi there, I know so so much what you are going through, I lost my mum very suddenly when she passed away in October.

And since then HA :( it's so hard isn't it?

Sorry this is a short reply, I'm on my phone. But if you ever want to talk just PM me. Um so sorry for your mums passing. I know the pain all too well.

Hope you feel better soon x

[mel1972]

Thank you everyone for your kind words of support and encouragement, and I appreciate it especially when everyone on here is suffering themselves.
I have just started reading 'self help with your nerves' by Claire weeks and hope this is going to help. I don't want medication again as it's a step back and hope that counselling will help with my HA and my fear of leaving my kids.
I wish you all a safe evening and that tomorrow is a happy day. Thank you again so much for your kindness xx :D

[~glowly worm~]

Mel im so glad you are finding this site helpful too!

How are you doing with the book? Hope you get the counselling u need and remember if they say no u can always see another GP.

Warm wishes,

~glow~