Enjoyment

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I guess I've been depressed most of my life. I think the reason that I have been depressed, why I have found it difficult to get enjoyment out of life is because I have always been so serious, uptight and tense. I've always thought "I just have to get through this experience and I can enjoy it looking back". I've been afraid of making a fool of myself. I've needed to be in control. When I have let myself go I've felt embarassed and ashamed afterwards.

At one point I had a relationship with alcohol and street drugs because I thought that that was the only way for me to shed my inhibitions.

I still have a problem now relaxing and enjoying myself. It's very frustrating, because I'd love to be more popular, that the fact that I'm depressed actually repels people.

I guess I really need to actively relax, to have massages and alternative therapies. It's just hard actually doing it.

By the way, I've woken up with a bad back every morning for weeks and weeks. I took a bath instead of a shower last weekend and i haven't had a bad back since!!

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[Southern_Belle]

I love to read your posts as I think you are a deep thinker and highly intelligent. I too have trouble relaxing but feel it is due to my anxiety. I can't have massages due to fibro, but find that for most people they are a slice of heaven. I'm so glad you found a solution for your bad back. Keep up the great posts!

Bel

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Thanks for the compliment:D I was once given a CD of a doctor talking about depression (I wish I could remember his name). He says that it's impossible to intellectualise your way out of depression and panic attacks- you can't rationalise with yourself and say "stop panicking, it's an overreaction". I'm not sure exactly how true that is because I think that you DO have to persuade yourself of the argument why you should think one thing rather than another. maybe his point is that there are a variety of other changes that you need to make such as diet and lifestyle.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I really like writing on here because i have loads of ideas and thoughts and I like to put them down so that they're clear in my head and also to see if anybody else feels the same way. that has been a massive bonus for me because I've always thought that I must be odd and different (even up to very recently) and it has really stunned me that so many people feel the same.
i know how horrible panic attacks and depression are and i wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. If I can keep making little breakthroughs and help other people to get better at the same time as myself then I'm really glad.
at the moment, I feel like my problems are largely physical. My body is really tense. I feel that if i could relax that I would be well on the road to recovery. It's really annoying for me that doing something as simple as having a bath can have such an impact and the answer to all my troubles could be in massage or hypnotherapy, yet I can't push myself to go for it for some reason.
anyway, thanks for your kind message and good luck with your own recovery.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[Southern_Belle]

Thank you and same to you and like I said keep up the informative posts.

Bel

[heths]

I know what you mean. I find it hard to relax, but when I do a form of relaxation, Cd's, have a nap etc, it feels good. I find it hard to motivate myself to relax and feel like I want to be doing other things, I feel too restless to relax.

Sometimes I think, "if it makes me feel good then why is it so hard for me to motivate myself to do it?"

And I also wish I could be relaxed while doing things I enjoy. I have lately started using a hypnosis CD though and that seems to be helping me.

Take Care,


Heather

[Coni]

Hi,

I also find it really difficult to relax particularly when I'm at the height of anxiety. I tried reiki and massage but actually found them really uncomfortable cos the harder I tried to relax the more tense and upset I got.

Its interesting what you say about your back as my back aches in the same place and I have just realised its tension in the muscles and it seems to be one of the most obvious signs for me that I'm beginning to get overwhelmed (that and the ectopics). Unfortunately havent found a solution yet though.

Coni X

[anxious]

Hi,
i think being able to relax and enjoy life is the key. I spend too much time stressed and anxious, i feel like i'm a tight knot most of the time. The only time i let go is when i've had a drink but obviously that is not the answer.
I, like you, am amazed at the amount of people here feeling the same. Its so strange to realise other people have the same thoughts and symptoms. That in itself is helping me.
I recently have discovered the power of a bath (forced as our shower broke!). I am also trying to take time to look after myself instead of everyone else. By looking better, i'm feeling better.
x