weevil
07-06-11, 17:29
I joined the site last year, I have experienced bouts of anxiety throughout my adult life (I'm now 30) that has usually started in autumn and died down in spring/summer. I also suffer depression but believe this is caused by the affects of the anxiety and the choices I've made to "run away", this hasn't stopped GP's from seeing only the depression and ignoring the anxiety, at least never trying to treat it.
I have come back to the site in some what of a crisis, my anxiety has gone out of control recently in that it feels like I'm having a constant panic attack. I've been moving house (this is common for me but never gets easier) from living alone to living with a housemate. This has stressed me out a lot, I had to cancel the movers one morning because I was shaking and I don't usually have physical symptoms. It doesn't feel in my head right now but always like a knot in my stomach. Waking up has always been my worst time, I'm waking up in a sweat, feeling shaky, full of nervous energy but feeling uncomfortable to move around. It takes me a while to get up. Later at night I feel better. I've been a night owl and insomniac a lot over the years (as well as working nights) as it's preferable to waking up feeling like that.
I've self medicated before which has had various results. GPs are very eager to push anti-depressants on me despite my fears that they now make it worse. Benzos help a lot and I would love to have them regularly despite the warning of addiction but nobody wants to give them to you. You feel like you're coming across as a drug seeker. I've never gotten "fun" from them, it's only made impossible day to day tasks possible and helped me function but I feel guilty for wanting it. I would be willing to take them forever if it made me function as I need to. Anti-depressants have caused me greater harm yet I'm treated as uncooperative for being terrified of them. They used to work, but now they don't.
I have an appointment with a psychologist this month. This is the furthest I've ever got. I didn't seek help for a long time, due to the ups and downs nature I suffer I always believed I was "cured" every year and it wouldn't happen again.
Thanks for reading, I will make an effort to stay here this time.
I have come back to the site in some what of a crisis, my anxiety has gone out of control recently in that it feels like I'm having a constant panic attack. I've been moving house (this is common for me but never gets easier) from living alone to living with a housemate. This has stressed me out a lot, I had to cancel the movers one morning because I was shaking and I don't usually have physical symptoms. It doesn't feel in my head right now but always like a knot in my stomach. Waking up has always been my worst time, I'm waking up in a sweat, feeling shaky, full of nervous energy but feeling uncomfortable to move around. It takes me a while to get up. Later at night I feel better. I've been a night owl and insomniac a lot over the years (as well as working nights) as it's preferable to waking up feeling like that.
I've self medicated before which has had various results. GPs are very eager to push anti-depressants on me despite my fears that they now make it worse. Benzos help a lot and I would love to have them regularly despite the warning of addiction but nobody wants to give them to you. You feel like you're coming across as a drug seeker. I've never gotten "fun" from them, it's only made impossible day to day tasks possible and helped me function but I feel guilty for wanting it. I would be willing to take them forever if it made me function as I need to. Anti-depressants have caused me greater harm yet I'm treated as uncooperative for being terrified of them. They used to work, but now they don't.
I have an appointment with a psychologist this month. This is the furthest I've ever got. I didn't seek help for a long time, due to the ups and downs nature I suffer I always believed I was "cured" every year and it wouldn't happen again.
Thanks for reading, I will make an effort to stay here this time.