Job offer panic

[kinneaskink]

I am a 25 year old female who has suffered long term with clinical depression and selective eating disorder. Ever since a trip to Canada last year to live there for a year with my fiance (now husband) I have been suffering from hyperventilation and panic attacks in public places, when I feel crowded or when I feel stressed.

We are now back living in Scotland which has helped tremendously. However, I am currently unemployed and due to a bad experience with an interview I have extreme anxiety before I attend one. Yesterday I went to one at a local Spar, with the usual anxiety, but there was a bigger problem. At the interview, the manager was cold, rude, distant and I got the impression I was annoying him. He cut me off several times and didn't connect with me at all on my attempts to be friendly or answer fully the questions he asked. I've always done really well at interviews despite nervousness, so when he said he would call this Thursday, I assumed he will.

However, after the interview I burst into tears and since that I have not been able to sleep either yesterday or tonight. I had a panic attack about an hour ago at the thought of having to see this man again, or even talk to him on the phone. He reminds me of my emotionally abusive father.

To cap it all off, I am waiting on an almost, but not 100% certain offer of another job.

My husband is begging me to tell the Spar manager I have another offer if he offers me the job and that I can't take it, but just the thought of letting someone down, or making him angry is causing me to panic all over again.

I am terrified. In the short time I spoke to the manager I felt more worthless, shameful and scared than I have in nearly five years.

Should I push through my anxiety to accept the job or listen to my husband and try not to feel guilty about turning down an offer?

:/

Sleepless,

Lorna

[Tyke]

Hi Lorna

Follow your husbands advice, trust your instincts about this guy and turn down the job offer. If you normally do well at interviews, but on this occasion felt this guy was going to be very difficult and unpleasant to work for, I would just simply say you're very sorry but you have had another job offer which you have accepted. Even if that's not the case, it will cause the least offence if he thinks another employer has snapped you up first. Like you, I usually do well at interviews, and where I have had bad feelings about people, they are usually very accurate even if I am oversensitive and overeact to things. You are obviously a sensitive person and this guy is just the opposite. I doubt you would ever feel comfortable working for him. As you are okay with most of your interviews and this was your worst experience in five years, it's not like you have a problem normally in this situation.

I hope the other job comes off for you, but even if it doesn't, your happiness is still important, especially considering the past with your father. Your husband sounds very supportive and will obviously not want you to be stressed out by this bloke. Turn it down and move on to something that suits you better, even if it takes a bit longer to achieve.

Tyke

[kinneaskink]

Hi Lorna

Follow your husbands advice, trust your instincts about this guy and turn down the job offer. If you normally do well at interviews, but on this occasion felt this guy was going to be very difficult and unpleasant to work for, I would just simply say you're very sorry but you have had another job offer which you have accepted. Even if that's not the case, it will cause the least offence if he thinks another employer has snapped you up first. Like you, I usually do well at interviews, and where I have had bad feelings about people, they are usually very accurate even if I am oversensitive and overeact to things. You are obviously a sensitive person and this guy is just the opposite. I doubt you would ever feel comfortable working for him. As you are okay with most of your interviews and this was your worst experience in five years, it's not like you have a problem normally in this situation.

I hope the other job comes off for you, but even if it doesn't, your happiness is still important, especially considering the past with your father. Your husband sounds very supportive and will obviously not want you to be stressed out by this bloke. Turn it down and move on to something that suits you better, even if it takes a bit longer to achieve.

Tyke

Thanks so much for your advice. I've been feeling incredibly guilty about the whole thing, especially as I know how lucky I am to have such a supportive husband.

As it turns out, the guy hasn't called yet today. So I'm hoping he has found someone else and I don't have to deal with the situation at all.


Feel silly for panicking so much. :whistles:


--Lorna

[KayleighJane]

ahh you mustn't feel silly lorna, i'm sure loads of us have been in that situation before and its not nice. I agree with everything tyke says though, you should trust your instincts and if your not 100% happy about something then don't do it as it may only cause you more stress/anxiety in the long run and thats not what you want or deserve.

Best of luck

Kayleigh x

[deepreason]

It's easy to forget that an interview is a two way street. He should be selling the job / working environment to you as well as you trying to impress him. If you have a bad feeling about the job then walk away, there will definitely be others.

[JT69]

I totally agree...what a so and so he sounds....I certainly wouldn't want to work for him....and i sure hope he dont deal with his customers in that manner!!!

Walk away for sure you are worth so much more than that!!! That job is not the right one for you...something else will turn up for you.

TC
Jo.xx