so weary of all this!!!

[bellalew]

here i am again,2.50am and not a wink of sleep,this being the 3rd time this week im totaly exausted,had the palps and heart bangs all week,anxiety at an all time high,edgey,whirling head thoughts,shakes ,cant relax,you name its here,up untill 5wks ago i was doing realy good then bam! its all back with a vengance panic,anxiety,im sick of living with this,my life isnt my own its been taken over by all the rotten symptoms,i cant go out without feeling paranoid,thinking everyones staring at me ,talking about me so i stay in most days and cry because i feel a freak,its got me living in fear,up untilll 5wks ago i did 9mths no smoking,till all this started again and im back on the cigs again,i feel so bad about it,i want to quit again but this wont let me!!my lifes in tatters.Ihave a lovely family with nice things around me and yet im so un happy nothing makes me happy anymore,im living a nightmare is anyone experiencing the same?,will this pass and will i ever feel normal?. Im not coping at all,not living,just exsisting!! i hate myself for being brave and letting this control me.

[Ellie-Bear]

Hiya.
Wanted to send you a :hugs:.

It will get better and you are not alone. A month ago I could have written your post myself!! I still get pretty horrible days when I just want to crawl back into my hole and stay there, as I sit here writing this now I feel dizzy, feels like someone is sitting on my chest and feels like I have got something tied round my head as the pressure is un-believeable, but I try not to focus on it (easier said than done-lol) and it does pass.
Are you taking any meds? I couldn't get by without my diazepam!! Today is the 1st day I haven't taken one yet :-)
I smoke aswell! I wouldn't even attempt to try and give up while you are in the grips of this anxiety hell, if smoking makes you feel better for a while then enjoy it, don't beat yourself up about it.
I too feel like each and every day I just exist, and it feels so hard that I can't control my head and my head controls me, so totally know where you are coming from.
Did you get any sleep in the end? I hope so.
Take care and if you want to chat by all means PM me.
Xxx

[Abby1]

Hi Bellalew,i feel exactly the same as yourself,i have (had) an ok life;friends,family,job etc but i feel anxious,nothing makes me happy all the time-it is awful isnt it? I had to write when i saw your post,as it could have been written by me.