Don't know what to do.

[scoob]

I'm due back at the doctors today. My anxiety is bad, stomach pains and tension. I am due to go back to work this afternoon after being off for two weeks with depressions and stress.
I really do not know what to do. I feel guilty for not working and also anxious that my employer will now look for a reason to get rid of me which will mean no reference or a refrence with a really poor sickness record.
Is two weeks break enough? I really feel scared to go back but do not know if it is the depression or me being a coward. I'm now on citlopram which is helping, I think, but i really cannot see me getting over the dark place I'm in now

[ames]

This is a decision for you and your doctor. I have been off work for about 9 weeks now, and although I feel guilty, I know that I am not ready to go back.

How long have you been on the tablets? What dose are you on? As you probably know, it can take a while before you feel the full benefit. I have been on 30mg for 3 weeks after starting on 10mg for a weeks, then on 20mg for 4 weeks. I know that they are starting to work as I am feeling so much better (I was in a very bad place a few weeks ago) but I havent felt the full effect yet.

Does your manager know about your illness? Are they supportive? Employers have to be very careful about illnesses such as ours and cant just get rid of you for being poorly.

You will get out of the dark place, it just takes time. 2 weeks is not a long time but you will start to see the light again, believe me I have been there. If you have seen any of my previous posts, I found it hard to believe when people were reassuring me that it will get better, but I am nearlhy there now, so it will happen!!

Please PM me if you want to.

Ames. xx

[scoob]

Hi thanks for the reply, I'm on 20mg and have had them for two weeks. The fuzziness is clearing now and I am eating a bit more. I did speak to my manager and then went off pretty much immediately. i had a couple of weeks off in April as I also have diverticula disease and she muted that my sick record could lead to an infomral disciplinary. I have been struggling for a while now and was really nervous speaking to my manager as I really do not know her very well.
I think I will speak to my GP honestly I'm just worried that the job has made me ill and I'm scared of mucking it up for myself and leaqving under a cloud without a reference.

[ames]

2 weeks is not a long time on the tablets. Once the side effects subside then it can still take a while for you to feel the true benefits.
Work is obviously important but so is your health. I don't think that sickness can lead to a disciplinary. You can help it if your poorly. Maybe you should request a copy of the disciplinary procedure and the sickness procedure from work so you can have a proper look through. I hope it goes ok with the gp. Good luck. Xx

[scoob]

Thank you so much for the replies. i'm off to the Gp now. I guess all my worries and anxieties are part of the condition. I should know by now but it is so good to speak to others to get a bit of perspective. Will also try to stop smoking so much worried so much i've smoked what i usually do a day by 10.00 Not good.

Scoob

[scoob]

Hi,

Just been to the Dr's signed off for another 2 weeks. Instant feeling of relief followed by another bout of anxiety. Think it must be the job that is contributing to the feeling of everything being out of control.
Maybe it is time to move on to something less stressful or am I just running away. I'm beginning to feel that my health and family need to be put first rather than a job where the bad days outnumber the good by 10-1. Has anyone out there jacked their job in without another one to go to to improve how they felt and get their life back??

Scoob

[ames]

I have once given up a job with nothing to go to but I was lucky as it was working for family so no bad reference! Its a really hard decision to make at this time as your feeling so rubbish that this can cloud your judgement. Just take these 2 weeks to try to relax and give yourself a break. Try not to think about work as you are signed off now so have some respite (easier said then done I know!!)
When you are feeling more like the old you, then start thinking about work and what you want to do about it. Have a look what's out there at the moment.
Good luck with everything, keep me posted!! Xx

[scoob]

Thank you Ames, I will have a long think about things. I'll keep you updated.

Thanks for the company today It is much appreciated.

Take care.
Scoob:)

[ames]

Pleasure!! Xx

[garty]

glad i found this forum i am suffering bad attacks and have just up to 40mg citlopram i hope it works quick . was on 20 but depression come back very anxious and want to stay in bed until day is over. its horrible

[Johno]

This forum is brilliant and helps me loads. Today has been a bit of a disapointment for me though as I got upset about something realy trivial and I then brought up loads of things that had been anoying me for the last week or so, even though I had told my wife that I was chilled and feeling great when I first got up. I wonder if 20mg of citalopram is enough? She told me to take another pill but I insisted that I would not. Anyway I am now concerned about going back to work. I was not very nice to my wife. She laughed because she belived that I was changing but obviously I had not.

[trickyricky]

Dont go back to work , stay off work untill you are fit ...if you go back and then go on the sick again you could get a wARNING of some sort and you dont need that when your mentally ill - do not feel guilty either ..they cant sack you while on the sick as long as u keep getting sick notes

[scoob]

I think that is what is worrying. Me I really do not know if I am fit for work and don't want to mess up and get in a position where they can discipline me. One of the people I did get on with was formerlly warned for her sick record and walked off site not to come back, another 2 have just quit without work to go to. Not a happy place.
My worry is the longer I stay away the harder it will be and the longet they have to find a reason to get shot of me.

[Eternity]

Hi Scoob
If you are off with depression/stress/anxiety which is work related they have to be very careful about letting you go / dismissing you. As long as you have a doctor's sick line and you haven't exactly been off a long time they can't do this. It might be worth contacting your union for some support but as I said they would need to be careful as you could possibly take them to a tribunal for constructive dismissal.
T x

[scoob]

Thanks T,
I have been off a month now. I have thought about the union but my rep is someone I supervise and is a little difficult to say the least. I think my anxiety is just blurring all my judgment at the moment. i feel that I have failed at my job which is quite a big thing for me. off to the doc again today so lets see how this goes.

S

[Eternity]

Good luck at the docs and let me know how you get on. please don't think you have failed at anything cos it's not true. I felt like that too, by the time I left my job my confidence was so low I was second guessing everything I did, even things I'd been doing for years and could do with my eyes closed. All it takes is one or two not so nice people and a bit of very subtle bulling to make you feel like that. I've only been in my new job a few weeks and I'm so enjoying it and gradually getting my confidence back. I was also very honest with them about the reasons why I'd left my other job and they were very understanding. My new boss actually had similar problems herself, there is a lot of it about.
Take care and remember you are worth a hundred of them.
T xxx

[scoob]

Will do, Felt a bit of an idiot today found out drs is wednesday not today. Doh!! Still thinking everything thru money obviously is a worry but I think the decsion will ahve to be made in the next few weeks.
Thanks for all your time.