need reassurance - memory

[Rachel W]

Hi,

I have had a lot of life changes, i.e. I was in England with family doing my Master's degree and then came back to the US and am now doing field research and looking to go back to work. I have been under varying degrees of stress and worry, but this has been a part of my life for over 20 years due to OCD; saying that i have had the additional worry of health anxiety and stress with the research. In November I really felt like I couldn't think right and would forget words and use the wrong word in sentences. I of course freaked out, especially as I had met an older friend of the family who had Alzheimer's. Then it seemed to get better again, at least I stopped noticing it. Then I came back to the US and after a couple of months, right when I was trying to sort the research out it came back. I ate more estrogen containing foods and also when I spoke to my old boss to talk about returning to work it seemed to give me more confidence about things and it seemed to get better again. Then in the past few weeks it has come back and the more I worry about it the worse it seems to get. It is less of a foggy feeling, but I keep thinking the wrong word although I will think of the correct one within 30 seconds and often within about 3, but also I was in the field and I was worrying about my vision and dogs coming near me and I did some obervations and then realised that I did not have my small tape-recorder and thought that I must have dropped it. I back-tracked all my steps on the beach and thought that maybe I dropped it while I had been switching equipment. When I got back to that point (which was on the other side of a small water breach) I found it in the pair of boots that I didn't even realise that I was missing. I wear hip waders and carry my boots around with me. As soon as I saw them I immediately remembered putting my recorder down in them while I was observing a plover, but this really scares me.

As mentioned above, it seems to get worse the more I worry and I am noticing every slip-up. I also feel like when I am reading I cannot take in the information as well and it is almost like my eyes aren't seeing properly. I have distorted vision so it may be because my eyes are also tired.

I am so scared that I have early-onset memory loss. Is there a chance that it could be because I am worrying so much about it and the more I think about it the worse it gets. My cycle was also messed up last month because of stress but it is so far normal this month. I am terrified and worry that a few instances of memory loss after a car accident 7 years ago could have been a sign, however I am just completing my Master's degree and I have achieved a distinction in every course so far.

Please help. If I can get reassurance then maybe it can go away again. By the way, I am 40. Also my Mum and Dad are in their late 70s with no signs of memory impairment. It is just that I am so used to being able to remember every detail of things and now I question even if I think I know something. I even forgot which tap was the hot one a couple of weeks back, but I don't usually use the taps seperately and it is a mixer tap so I just usually turn both on. Also, if it caused by stress, is it reversible? I have also been really fed up with college and have felt like I needed a true break from it.

Very scared.

Rachel

[worried91]

These are very similar symptoms to what triggered my first bout of severe health anxiety. I was a bit stressed out and felt a bit faint and a bit mentally slow and after an hour on the internet I "knew" I was dying.

Turns out these are incredibly common symptoms of stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, even though my memory and mental sharpness has returned for the most part, my mindset has been changed completely and I think "what if" for every totally innocent symptom like a sore throat. DON'T let this happen to you, it can seriously affect your life.

I see you are in the US; can you see a GP for reassurance? I know this isn't always an option with the way American healthcare works.

[vicky23]

yep definitley sounds like memory 'fog' due to anxiety. Something that helped me is to learn about how the memory works. We process millions of aspects of information everyday and so our brain has to work on autopilot a lot of the time, if we're worrying then our brain is more focussed on that and so if for example we're going around the house tidying, but also worrying or thinking about something engrossing the likelyhood of us remembering where we put everything is slim because we weren't focussing on it. However something out of the ordinary will stick in our brains, proving they are working well. I have great difficulty in remembering what I did last week which is very embarrassing when people ask 'so what have you been up to?' I think this is largely due to the fact that I don't work so my days are spent doing housework, going along to help my Grandma with certain things, reading, going through my CBT stuff and making meals/eating i.e. the same ordinary things. However if I got a job where everyday was different I'm very sure I'd be able to remember what I did last week!
Because you're forgetting 'ordinary' things it seems to me that this is simply your brain multitasking and so choosing what it sees as the most important thing to remember which is your worries and stress because the brain picks this up as a threat even though there is no real threat your brains response is the same.
I hope this makes sense I'm starting to waffle !

[Rachel W]

Please waffle...it is great information. I am also having issues thinking of the right word, and the more I think about it, it seems to happen almost every sentence. I even forgot what 'wrack' was. It is the line of seaweed on a beach and I have been recording this word on a tape recorder during behavioural observations a lot and then suddenly I couldn't remember. It took me about 30 seconds I think for it to come back to me. Then I got stuck in mud (which was sort of a scary experience when you are alone and knee deep). I was trying to think to myself after I got out that I was glad that I had stayed 'level-headed' but I thought 'I had the audacity' then realised that wasn't right, so then I was searching for the right word, used hindsite, then mind-set. It was only later that the word I really wanted was 'stayed level-headed'. Each time this happens I get so upset that I notice it more and more. I was talking to my boyfriend earlier and I used the word 'renters', but it didn't seem to quite fit and realised a minute later that 'tenants' was the word instead. Ughh... I think what has been strange is I have had brain-fog a lot on and off but it is usually accompanied by an almost physical heaviness, but it had not happened, although the last two days it does seem to feel more like that fog.
I really have issues remembering details from the past, but I think I have had that since I had OCD when I was 17 and I was told this is common because, as you have mentioned, the brain works so hard to keep track of everything that it doesn't have the capacity to make these other memories. However, because of my OCD I used to be able to remember details of everything that had 'contaminated' everything else, and track contamination, i.e. that touched that and then that touched that etc. Over the past few years I am not as good at that, but maybe this is just because I not only have OCD but this health anxiety and then also all the stress of college. I must admit that I felt really burned out from studying and had a hard time facing study again. Maybe I am just strained and once I am done with my studies then that will be one less thing on my mind.
I have heard that memory issues due to stress are reversible so here is hoping. I am just nervous that if I go back to my job I will not be able to function as efficiently as I used to and people will notice, making it even worse. I tried to remember all the latin names of the animals I used to work with, but I only remembered some, but I looked the others up and now I remember them, so hopefully this means that my memory is working. Also, we had a lot of different rabbits when I worked there, but it worries me that I can't remember which ones we had when I left work 2 years ago (I am a zookeeper). I also think we had a dwarf dutch, but it feels like I can't be 100% sure, which is really disconcerting. Ughh.

Anyway, I suppose a lot has happened over the two years so here is hoping that this is just because of that.

Now look who is waffling!!! LOL.

Oh, and I don't have health insurance right now and I am the type who avoids doctors when I fear something is wrong until it gets so bad that I am so sure i have something that I figure it can't be worse to be told. However, every time this has happened it has not been anything at all (I did this with ALS a few years back).

Thank you so much.

Rachel

[Rachel W]

I actually take a B-complex everyday (sublingual) so hopefully this is just stress with me. I am always a little anemic though so I am sure that doesn't help...got to get that oxygen.