Ian Brown
10-06-11, 19:06
Hello everyone. The title says its all, that's how i feel because i never know what i'm going to get! I'm a 34 year old mum of one, I have a 4 year old son and am living with my boyfriend. At the moment i am suffering, yet again from extreme anxiety moderate depression (thanfully not feeling that low constantly) but it has been severe on quite a number of occasions. Once again i am bursting into tears on a number of occasions daily, thankfully at least in between I have spurts of feeling absolutely fine and normal, happy even - which makes me feel like a am losing the plot - but its preferable to having those outbursts and feeling severely down constantly in between,. I am so embarrased that i cannot control my emotions I am starting to self-loathe more and more and just want to hide away. I am so sick of being here, I am burnt out at the minute I just fight not to throw the towel in. I have to fake it , put a brave face on for my son and everyone else I cant stop my head talking to me i just want some peace it's so tiring. I have been increasingly paranoid lately and volatile, snapping at people, acting irrationally. I have been depressed and highly anxious certainly since 16,but even as a child i recall those feelings and have pinpointed the cause as low self esteem due to a number of bad experiences. I had bullimia for a number of years,(now i just have phases of being in control eating really well, or comfort eating and bingeing. I have OCD, but have had CBT a couple of times in the past and felt it really helped and felt normal for a while, happy. I couldnt believe i could feel like that, but thinking i was fixed stopped practising CBT and didnt realise I was slipping back to my old negative ways. My partner is helpful and supportive, but gets frustrated with me -he tries but cant understand he is just not wired the same way. I cried for around 8 hours last week after something upset me, I felt like i was having a breakdown again - I ave felt so down since and so alone. Somebody mentioned this site to me, and a lot of what i have been reading in the forum sounds so familiar, i'm glad i had a look and hope to get some help through these tough times from people who understand. i hope i can be of assistance to others too. Bye for now X