i am a failure and ruining everything HELP

[rosietj]

Hi all,

i hate myself SOO much. i am about to go to australia in 5 days to see my beautiful pregnant daughter and her lovely hubby and taking my 22 year old with me as a finishing uni pressy, BUT i am having the most horrendous fears, panics and anxiety. cant eat sleep pins and needles all over, head like i'm in space. for god sake i have been there 3 times before, but everytime i get this blasted awful sickening hated feelings and I loathe myself more and more and I dont seem to enjoy a moment of anything. I dont fear flying and travel itself is not it so WHYYYYY ! why am i like this. It is just a holiday, i get to see my darling daughter. I know i dread leaving her and the pain is terrible but i have pain going and leaving. God i'm rambling, but i am so all over the place.

once i actually cancelled because the anxiety was too much. but i have been since and have tried so hard to overcome this awful illogical feeling but all the stupid awful stuff creeps back and this time seems to be coming back with avengence. when i;m there i want to be here and when i;m here i want to be there! I am afraid i am going to ruin everything for myself and my daughter (its her first trip and she is so excited) but i am struggling keeping this underwraps. Thinking of perhaps some valium My husband says nice things. Hes not coming but i am the same when he has and he says i'll get through but i cant explain to you how terrible i am feeling and i just cant stop it. but the stomach churning the complete stupidity of it all I know but i just am losing control PLEASE HELP ME!!!

[rosieposie]

Oh poor you! I am just like you when i travel. Go to the Doctor and tell them and I am sure they will give you something to make the journey and trip more bareable.I keep Diazapam on me and just the thought of having them stops me feeling bad. I always take one in the few days before I go and it just reminds me that they work and I will feel okay. You have been before so you got through it once. I hope you have a marvelous time and get to spend some lovely time with your daughter who i bet is just aching to see you and will look after you fabulouslly. xxxx

[PanchoGoz]

Hmm this is very difficult. The first thing you can tell yourself to make yourself feel better is that you do not have to go. Avoid using these statements. You will go if you choose. You can get to the airport and congratulate yourself on getting that far so far. Is it a long flight? Another way of looking at it is - what's the worst that could happen? It seems you have no reason in your mind to be fearful, but you have conditioned your feelings to reject something big like this. Anyone would be very nervous about going to Australia (I don't think I could do it!), and its a normal feeling. Also - plan ahead. Have anything on you that will make you feel in control, like something to hols, a puzzle to do for distraction. I have often found I have managed to read a whole book in a holiday. You can plan that you won't have any spare moments on your journey to panic in. And then, its only fear is it not? If you can control it then you have no need to worry. So plan plan plan and have lots of backup plans and help at hand for any situation.
And you have already done it once - and how did that go? It couldn't go any worse than last time. You know what to expect which is reassuring.
Let the thought of seeing your beautiful daughter lift you up above your anxiety! You will know that once you have done it, you can look back on the lovely time you had even if there were anxious moments, and you can feel proud of your achievment.
Good luck.

[rosietj]

Thanks you guys. Nice to know i am not alone and not losing my marbles. No i didnt have to go, but you are right I chose to go and take my youngest daughter to see her sister. i am stupid as this is completely out of context to what I know, have done before and although all the time i feel like i'm walking on eggshells, i tell myself if I want to do this then as you say P whats the worst that can happen! but i'm sure you know what its like getting through those awful long hours and getting into a state. Silly head!! The mind is one powerful thing and i really do not want this to control me and ruin things. thanks RP for your kind words too.

I'm a bit of a knife edge person anyway and I just get so angry at myself. i don't know how i will get through this, but i must because i don't like or want the alternative. Thank you so much for 'holding my hand' and i would like to envisage that when I have my rubbish moments. send a 'no panic' prayer up for me! xx

[PanchoGoz]

One other thing...

i hate myself SOO much

i am stupid

Silly head!!
Try to be a bit nicer to yourself! You're only sending yourself negetive messages by thinking like this. Like telling a child they are rubbish and hopeless - they will only have problems because of this when they grow.

I could do better
I can behave more rationally
I will try to control my head

are nicer versions.