Anxious about friend visiting

[Mezzo]

I have a friend visiting in July and I adore her, she's lovely, but I'm just terrified at the thought of having to make an effort to be not anxious around her. And if I'm anxious she won't have a good time and I'll feel so guilty.

I started taking citalopram 11 days ago (but only 10mg until four days ago) so hopefully it will be working by then but I'm scared that it won't even work at all. Sigh! I hate how anxiety turns everything into a huge deal when most people would just be happy that their friend is coming to stay :(

[debs71]

Hi Mezzo,

I so can relate to you. Whenever my anxiety is bad I cannot face even close friends and get anxious about even sitting and talking with them without panicking. Last year I had another bad bout of panic attacks and was alone in the house at the time, which was fine for me as that is easier for me to work through things. One day, without warning, an old friend of mine turned up to visit and it knocked me for six. I hadn't left the house for many days either, so I wasn't used to having company to talk to, on top of all the feelings of 'what if i panic'. When she first arrived, as I was talking to her, I could feel myself wobbling, and the panic rising, felt faint, etc. etc. but I got through it by just mentally telling myself you are fine, nothing is wrong, etc, etc....just positive thinking and slowly my panic subsided, but it was a horrible experience which I do not wish to repeat.

This had also happened to me in public, like when visiting the hairdresser and having to talk to my stylist after a long while of not seeing her. I can't even rationalise it, and it is so frustrating. Again, I just try to get through it with mental distraction and focusing on the conversation as the mind is drawn away from the physical anxiety sensations, so surpresses them.

I promise you, it REALLY does work, and YOU CAN get through panic feelings. Just remember that YOU control anxiety, IT does not control you, and tell yourself that constantly. Be bloody minded if you can, and refuse to be overtaken by it.

The meds will help you as they take the edge of things and help you deal much more with surpressing anxiety and panic, and by the time your friend visits, I am sure you will be feeling the benefit.

The other thing I would say is try if you can not to run through all the 'what if's' and visualising what 'may' happen, and just take each day as it comes. The trouble with anxiety is that we worry so much about what may happen, and picture only the worst case scenario instead of just letting things happen, then that makes us MORE anxious and more likely that panic will occur - this is anticipatory anxiety - and more often than not, problems don't arise and we find we are strong enough to get through it.

Please try to reinforce that in your mind, and just let whatever is going to happen flow.

I know it is SO HARD, but you CAN do it hun.

Love and luck to you.xx:hugs:

[Mezzo]

Thank you so much for this post, it's so helpful and it means so much to me that you would type it all out.

It doesn't feel as though I control it - I know that's not necessarily the case, but sometimes it feels as though I'll never be normal again. A common feeling, I'm sure. It's still a nuisance, though.

And yeah I was video skyping with a friend yesterday and it was awful, I was panicking so much, but I'm really ashamed of my anxiety so I try to hide it and that makes it all worse!

But yes, thank you so, so much. I can't even begin to articulate how grateful I am for that brilliant post. :hugs:

It's lovely to have people who get it!

[shoegal]

I totally understand how you feel. I haven't seen any of my friends for a long time because I don't want them to see me have a panic attack. I'm so ashamed of myself for being like this. Grrrr at anxiety! :mad:

[debs71]

Hey again Mezzo,

You are most welcome and I know so much what you mean about feeling a lack of control.

I never, ever thought I would or could ever feel normal again during my severe anxiety/breakdown years ago. It was like I had completely forgotten what being normal was, feeling normal was, and when I looked in the mirror it was like looking at someone I didn't know. Scary.

It is so hard to believe that we can gain power over anxiety, because that is the nature of the beast - it overwhelms us and makes us think we can't beat it. I would rather have a physical illness anyday over anxiety as so much of recovering/dealing with it is down to our own minds over matter.

Keep reminding yourself that YOU WILL get through this. It sounds bonkers but it truly does help.

I can relate to the shame thing about anxiety too. I constantly think that people will judge me or think I am nuts if I tell them about it, and to be honest, I only tell people very close to me and of course my family know all about it. I am trying to be more open about it now as I do feel that mental health probs shouldn't be any more of a stigma than physical illnesses as they are illnesses just the same. It is not like we can help it!

Strength and hugs.xx:bighug1:

[DavinaR]

Thank goodness its not just me!

Totally know how you feel. Am meant to be meeting a friend for a coffee tomorrow. I have already changed the time so it is for no longer that an hour. Hope I don't bottle out. She is sweet and knows about my anxiety but don't want to act any differently when i see her.

We will get through this. I used to be such a social person, now it seems it is just a big mountain I have to bet over. Was meant to phone another friend tonight but just can't face it.

Take care - will be thinking of these posts if i do go tomorrow - so good to know i am not the only one

[Deepest Blue]

Hi all,

I can so relate to this too and it's disheartening. It even extends to phone calls where I sometimes don't have the confidence to answer the phone :( it's got to the point now where I don't get many callers or visitors because I think I may have pushed them away but it's never been intentional, the problem is letting them know that :(

I hope it gets better.

Take Care.

[cb77]

hi i know exactly how u feel, since my anxiety has reared its ugly head again i have been avoiding doing anything social wotsever because of fear of having a panic attack or any other anxious feelings and people thinking im wierd. its my best friends hen do next year, its gunna be a weekend abroad and even though its not until may next year i am already stressing about it and how i am going to get through it, just want to feel normal again and do normal things and not stress bout stuff that should be enjoyable and fun!!!

[Mezzo]

Much as I'm sorry you're all suffering, it's lovely to know I'm not alone!

[shoegal]

I forgot to say that I also have panic attacks on the phone so I can't even phone my friends! Facebook is the only way I can keep in touch with people these days.

[mammamia]

I am new to this website. Reading this thread I was wondering how do you all cope with work ? I don't currently work and have not done since I had bad anxiety 5 years ago. I have had children since so at home with them but I think to myself I will never be able to work again.

[belvederebabe]

I can relate to this too, although on the outside I seem mostly seem ok, inside my body I am shaking and anxious. I also feel, worried after they have gone, ie... did I speak too much... did I say anything I shouldn't blah blah you know the sort of thing. I also avoid speaking on the phone to most friends although I have a couple I am ok with. I prefer facebook because I can chat, but I can think about what I say and don't don't hear the nerves in my voice.