Please help me to calm down - cancer fears

[flatterycat]

Hello

I feel like I am spirraling out of control.
I am in the midst of panic and have been living in fear ever since I had to have an MRI done back in March fo an ear problem which turned out to be fine. Whilst doing the scan of my head they found what they though was a hemangioma in my neck in the spine bone. This is a benign group of blood blood vessels and nothing to worry about. Anyway I then had to have an MRI of my neck to confirm it. The results of which seem to do just that. However, because the consultant I am under is e.n.t, he has written to a bone specilaist to get a 2nd opinion becasue he said it is out of his field and he wants to be sure. The last time I spoke to him was over 2 weeks ago and I have convinced myself that I have secondary bone cancer. I don't have any symptoms and I wouldn't have known about the thing in my neck if I hadnt had the mri of my head!!!!!

I am terrified. I can't stop crying and have convinced myself that it is secondary cancer. I told two docs my fears and they said it wasn't, but how can they be sure? My results stated "Appearance is compatable with hemangioma" Why didn't it say "IT IS A HEMANGIOMA"?

Just before Christmas last year I coughed up a tiny bit of blood and so the doc sent me for a chest xray, which was clear. Today, when I woke I saw a speck of blood in my spit again. Now I am terrified because I read that Lung cancer isn't always seen on a chest xray. I am now putting 2 and 2 together and thinking that I have lung cancer which has spread to my spine.

When I am calm I feel fine, have no symptoms to speak of.

Can anyone out there help me calm down.

Sarah

[MinnieMouse]

Hi

I think the phrase "Appearance is compatable with hemangioma" is probably just the standard way in which doctors have to fill out forms or whatever and shouldn't be taken literally. I find that when I am in a highly anxious state I can't really judge things properly and am almost looking for confirmation that I do indeed have some dreaded illness. In reality your ENT doc is just transferring you to another specialist and stating why it's no longer his or her department. What other symptoms do you have that makes you think you have lung cancer? The reason I ask is that my father sadly died of this and I may be able to reassure you. How did you find the MRI? I am seeing a neuro at the end of the month and may be given one. I am worried that I may just tremble and cry as terrified I have something nasty. Was it scary?

How long do you have to wait to see the new specialist? I find that by keeping busy I am not focussing on my 'ailments' - although easier said than done.

MMx

[flatterycat]

Hello Minnie

Thanks for your reply.
My symptoms? Well I had a terrible cough back in December (but it was just a virus) and I had tiny amounts of blood when I coughed. I completely freaked out and so doc did x-ray. This was clear and I felt better. Since then, I have had no symptoms really and it was just this morning that I noticed a bit of blood again. My chest x-ray was over 6 months ago now and I am scared it missed something. Because of the spine thing in my MRI I have convinced myself that I have lung cancer which has spread to my spine. Apart from feeling very low and tearful I haven't had any other symptoms apart from aches and pains.

My ENT specialist hasn't referred me yet - he told me that he had written to an orthepedic colleague to have look and asked him to write back to him. That was just over 2 weeks ago now.

The MRI scan I had were actually fine. I was more scared of the results! I was very tearful and trembly because of the fear of what they might find, and didn't really consider the scan. It was just my head that went in the machine and I had to lie very still. It was very noisy (they give you ear plugs) but that didn't bother me. I also had a periscope which I could use to see out! It lasted about 20 mins. I didn't find it scary.

XX

[MinnieMouse]

Hi Flattery Cat

Thanks for the info about the MRI - I guess I won't know how I feel until the day - the joy of anxiety....!

If your doctor or the specialist thought it was something like cancer you would have been referred by now or fast tracked somehow. The blood in your spit sounds like a tiny amount and your mouth is full of blood vessels that can burst for other reasons. You would still have a persistant cough - which you don't and when you had the viral cough before it was probably the coughing that caused a vessel to burst. You would have a significant amount of blood or a clot if it was something more sinister.
I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine. I find I develop symptoms and look for new ones all the time and a lot of it is psychosomatic. When it is happening to you though it is very real and I don't deny you have the symptoms but it is the self diagnosing that causes the anxiety, that in turn causes symptoms and then more anxiety... hope this makes sense... xx

[flatterycat]

Thankyou Minnie

I have had HA for as long as I can remember, but since having my baby girl nearly 2 years ago it has got steadily worse. I am so scared I won't see her grow up. It's so sad because I am missing out on so much enjoyment because I am constantly worried. I also know that, even if I hear that everything is fine, I will be worrying about another part of my body. I just can't seem to get a grip. I have been taking Citalopram for a very long time now but it doesn't seem to be helping anymore. My doc wants me to try setraline, but I am scared.

S X

[MinnieMouse]

OMG S!

You sound like me - and there are two others on this site with issues postnatally. My problems started with a postnatal thyroid condition and the anxiety has got worse since the anniversary of my dad dying. I have a fear of fainting in the supermarket and what would happen to my daughter if I did - she is also 2. I also worry that I am going to die and she won't remember me - morbid but you probably know what I mean - linked to my dad I guess. I also worry that she is going to pick up on my weirdness and either be like me when she is older (something I wouldn't wish on anyone!!!) or just think I am a nutter! I think it is a case of just loving them so much that the thought of leaving them is unbearable. I want to have another child at some point but won't entertain the idea until I am sorted. She will be a teenager and I will be too old before that happens. LOL. Have a look at Mardy Bum's posts and you'll see some similarities.

MMX