Ktm87
14-06-11, 07:49
Hello, this is my first post. Im so glad to of come across this site and i have now read some posts on here which cheered me up after an absolutly horrible day yesterday.
i didnt really know in what forum to post this, so if it is in the wrong forum, please move it
I will try to keep it as short as i can, but i will try to be as concise as i can
I am a 23 year old male from London, i have lived here all my life.
My girlfriend is from and lives in Chelmsford Essex, i often go to stay at her place.
Yesterday, we was in Chelmsford town, doing some shopping and looking around as we do a few times when i come down to visit. At about 3pm, in Clinton Cards whilest looking at Me to You gifts, i felt faint and scared. I recognised it as a panic attack as i have had plenty before. But this was very weird.
It felt like i was in danger, like i had to get away from there. I quickly walked out of the shop, leaving my girlfriend and not saying a word. and eventually running to the closest park. It was fairly quiet and deserted and it calmed me down.
It took me 2 hours to go home though. My girlfriend was rather frustrated as she didnt know what was wrong and why i did this. But the whole time i just couldnt bare the thought of going anywhere near the town, or back on the bus. We ended up walking home which takes 45 minutes whereas a bus takes 5-10 minutes.
This isnt the first time this has happened if im honest, but its the first time it has happened with someone as a witness. And now im scared. I know ive had this problem for a while, and ive always been able to hide it. Whenever i felt in a panic, i would go somewhere to calm down, and then meet them later.
When i got home, my gf was very supportive as she could see i was visibly upset and shaken, but she kept wanting to know why i acted like i did.
I have never told a doctor about this, No one knows but me. I still havent told my gf about previous times. Im very worried that she wont believe me as we have now been together just over 4 years and we have been to many public places.
It seems to be happening more frequent than it used to be, and now im starting to really worry
Looking up online it seems closest to agoraphobia, but i may be being ignorant of its full meaning but at the same time, it doesnt seem to be agoraphobia.
Open spaces to me are fine, i love nature, i love the park.
I will list the past few times i can remember feeling very anxious like i was yesterday, and hopefully someone reading this can help.
Yesterday in chelmsford Town, in a shop, not very busy, few people around.
last friday, at my girlfriends house, her mother and stepfather are away on holiday, and me, her and her little brother are currently staying here. Their dad came round to hang out with them, and while watching tv, i felt uncomfortable and went upstairs, this has since happened again on sunday, but not quite so bad. I have a decent relationship with my gfs dad, we have had a disagreement in the past, but that has since blown over and we talk and joke a lot now. But i feel rather rude when he comes round, and them 3 are downstairs with each other, and im sat upstairs on my own. My gf doesnt see her dad that often, so i dont badger her to stay with me as 1: she doesnt know my problems and 2: i dont want her thinking im clingy as we spend a huge amount of time together anyway.
wednesday the 1st of june, going for a blood test at a hospital in london, waiting there made me very uncomfortable and when i finally got out, i ran home. this was in london
in the park walking my dog, shortly after some young boys asked to stroke my dog, she is a very very adorable Husky and always gets attention.
at work at the start of may, i was a barman working for my parents pub, i have since left this job and am now unemployed and am not claiming JSA or any other type of benefit. My parents were very angry at me quitting and not going on benefits.
Those are the past 5 times that are significant and where i remember feeling trapped or lost. But mainly anxious to get home, or to somewhere safe.
So now that ive explain that, where do i go from here. I know i probably need to tell my doctor, But i have no idea of where im going to get money from. I have been selling bits and bobs on ebay but only for dirt cheap. Useless items hanging round my house.
Also, i cannot bare the thought of me just sitting at home all day. I like to go out, i like to socialize. i love to go shopping or to the cinema and i refuse to give these things up, these things along with my gf and my dog make me happy to be alive, along with nature and animals, but i fear its my defiance that is bringing about more panic and anxiaty attacks. which i know will not be good for me in the long run.
Also, i know i should probably tell my gf and family, but my family can be quite judgemental, my gf too sometimes. They can be very ignorant about many things. Which is why i very rarely have ever confided in my parents. When i broke up with my first girlfriend at the age of 17, i didnt really want to get out of bed, and their advice to me was that these things happen and to grow up and get over it. Luckily i had a friend that came around, put her arms round me and made things better just by being there for me, and by being willing to take my phone calls as and when i needed.
What scares me is that no one will believe me. My Doctor, my family, my gf, or even the job center if i choose to apply for benefits of some sort, but at this stage.
Because i am ok sometimes...does that change things? Because i can go one or two days going out the house, going to a few shops, going to the cinema, or walking in the park, does that mean these things are natural.
I really dont know what to do. Thank you for reading this huge post, any help you can give me is most welcome. thank you
Kevin
i didnt really know in what forum to post this, so if it is in the wrong forum, please move it
I will try to keep it as short as i can, but i will try to be as concise as i can
I am a 23 year old male from London, i have lived here all my life.
My girlfriend is from and lives in Chelmsford Essex, i often go to stay at her place.
Yesterday, we was in Chelmsford town, doing some shopping and looking around as we do a few times when i come down to visit. At about 3pm, in Clinton Cards whilest looking at Me to You gifts, i felt faint and scared. I recognised it as a panic attack as i have had plenty before. But this was very weird.
It felt like i was in danger, like i had to get away from there. I quickly walked out of the shop, leaving my girlfriend and not saying a word. and eventually running to the closest park. It was fairly quiet and deserted and it calmed me down.
It took me 2 hours to go home though. My girlfriend was rather frustrated as she didnt know what was wrong and why i did this. But the whole time i just couldnt bare the thought of going anywhere near the town, or back on the bus. We ended up walking home which takes 45 minutes whereas a bus takes 5-10 minutes.
This isnt the first time this has happened if im honest, but its the first time it has happened with someone as a witness. And now im scared. I know ive had this problem for a while, and ive always been able to hide it. Whenever i felt in a panic, i would go somewhere to calm down, and then meet them later.
When i got home, my gf was very supportive as she could see i was visibly upset and shaken, but she kept wanting to know why i acted like i did.
I have never told a doctor about this, No one knows but me. I still havent told my gf about previous times. Im very worried that she wont believe me as we have now been together just over 4 years and we have been to many public places.
It seems to be happening more frequent than it used to be, and now im starting to really worry
Looking up online it seems closest to agoraphobia, but i may be being ignorant of its full meaning but at the same time, it doesnt seem to be agoraphobia.
Open spaces to me are fine, i love nature, i love the park.
I will list the past few times i can remember feeling very anxious like i was yesterday, and hopefully someone reading this can help.
Yesterday in chelmsford Town, in a shop, not very busy, few people around.
last friday, at my girlfriends house, her mother and stepfather are away on holiday, and me, her and her little brother are currently staying here. Their dad came round to hang out with them, and while watching tv, i felt uncomfortable and went upstairs, this has since happened again on sunday, but not quite so bad. I have a decent relationship with my gfs dad, we have had a disagreement in the past, but that has since blown over and we talk and joke a lot now. But i feel rather rude when he comes round, and them 3 are downstairs with each other, and im sat upstairs on my own. My gf doesnt see her dad that often, so i dont badger her to stay with me as 1: she doesnt know my problems and 2: i dont want her thinking im clingy as we spend a huge amount of time together anyway.
wednesday the 1st of june, going for a blood test at a hospital in london, waiting there made me very uncomfortable and when i finally got out, i ran home. this was in london
in the park walking my dog, shortly after some young boys asked to stroke my dog, she is a very very adorable Husky and always gets attention.
at work at the start of may, i was a barman working for my parents pub, i have since left this job and am now unemployed and am not claiming JSA or any other type of benefit. My parents were very angry at me quitting and not going on benefits.
Those are the past 5 times that are significant and where i remember feeling trapped or lost. But mainly anxious to get home, or to somewhere safe.
So now that ive explain that, where do i go from here. I know i probably need to tell my doctor, But i have no idea of where im going to get money from. I have been selling bits and bobs on ebay but only for dirt cheap. Useless items hanging round my house.
Also, i cannot bare the thought of me just sitting at home all day. I like to go out, i like to socialize. i love to go shopping or to the cinema and i refuse to give these things up, these things along with my gf and my dog make me happy to be alive, along with nature and animals, but i fear its my defiance that is bringing about more panic and anxiaty attacks. which i know will not be good for me in the long run.
Also, i know i should probably tell my gf and family, but my family can be quite judgemental, my gf too sometimes. They can be very ignorant about many things. Which is why i very rarely have ever confided in my parents. When i broke up with my first girlfriend at the age of 17, i didnt really want to get out of bed, and their advice to me was that these things happen and to grow up and get over it. Luckily i had a friend that came around, put her arms round me and made things better just by being there for me, and by being willing to take my phone calls as and when i needed.
What scares me is that no one will believe me. My Doctor, my family, my gf, or even the job center if i choose to apply for benefits of some sort, but at this stage.
Because i am ok sometimes...does that change things? Because i can go one or two days going out the house, going to a few shops, going to the cinema, or walking in the park, does that mean these things are natural.
I really dont know what to do. Thank you for reading this huge post, any help you can give me is most welcome. thank you
Kevin