Panic & Bein Intimate with my partner

[honeyp1e]

i don't really no what to say here feel a bit embarrassed to be honest but here it goes right i have been with my partner now for nearly 6years and i've had the worse year with my anxiety ever !! but my partner has stuck by me no matter what even though i just couldn't have sex with him all my sex drive just went out the window :weep: & i hated everything about it i just hated myself / hated the way i was etc anyway we started to have sex last night and you no while we were doing it inside me was totally freaking out i don't no why ?? if it was the adrenaline from sex or what but it just made me feel all anxious and i had to stop straight away & started crying when my boyfriend asked what was wrong i just told him i started to get all panicky for no reason!!!! why is this happening to me :weep:

[honeyp1e]

Can any1 relate to this ??

[katykaty]

Yes I totally can!!!

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 and a half years and because of my anixiety we only have sex maybe once a month. I sometimes get so worked up I get angry when he touches me, and I have no idea why. I love my boyfriend and when we have sex I do enjoy it but sometimes I build it up in my head to be something so scary and it makes me so much more anxious than I need to be.

I remember one time I was so worked up about it, that I was gritting my teeth and digging my head into the pillow during foreplay. Before we managed to have sex I burst out crying and could not explain why, my boyfriend was baffled by it all (and I think a little hurt) as if I didn't understand what was happening, how was he supposed to?

I know I have low self esteem when it comes to my body and that does play a part in the anxiety, but I know it's not the main issue - I just haven't found out what is yet!

[honeyp1e]

OMG am the same I just felt all weird that anxious feeling like ur waiting for something to happen and then I just started to cry when my bf asked me why I was crying I didn't no why? I just told him I felt all anxious and for the rest of the day I just felt panicky like I was waiting for something to happen :(

[dread]

I think it's just adrenaline, and your brain not reading it the right way/being used to it. I think if you approach it little bit by little bit, maybe spend one night just hugging/snuggling, and gradually build up the intimacy over a period of time...not only will it not be a whole shock to you, but you may find the anxiety is lessened. The trick is..the more often you do it and realise how NOT dangerous/scary it is, the quicker you will get past being afraid of it :)

[jill]

Hi hun :D:hugs:


YES, I can relat to this, the same thing happend to me, I do know how you are feeling hun and my heart goes out to you :hugs: please hun, be kind to yourself, YOU WILL in time work this out.

You have had some great adivice alteady, as always from this great site.

Dread has hit the nail on the head, it is our body and mind missunderstanding the signals, when we have sex our adrenalin kicks in, if we start to over think the situation, we start to think, ohh my goodness whats this, them bam, what I call an outomatic response to a thought or feeling.

As dread said hun, take it slow, its like learning somethings new, teaching your mind and body not to over react to a feeling or thought, if you take it slow and whach your thoughts, help yourself understand that you are doing this FOR YOU, take it slow, bit by bit, YOU WILL get passed this hun:hugs:use reasuringt statments, this helps us move on a little.

It took me time to over come this, YOU WILL to hun :hugs:

Hope this helps, even if its just knowingt your not alone and this can go in time.

YOU TAKE CARE :hugs:

:hugs:LOVE JILL XX

[dread]

You could also make a plan....talk to your partner about how you want to do things so you're on the same page. You could even make yourselves a "safe word"...use it like a time out. If you start to feel panicky and stressed, use it, take a breather and see if you're ready to carry on, that way it reduces both the stress for you, because you're not getting to the point of freaking out and crying, and also alleviates any concerns that its something your partners doing. Just be careful though, you don't want to become dependent on safe words and using it as an escape at the first sign of panic every time...the trick is to get over it gradually!

Also, have you thought about directing your partner to a site like this, to support them to understand ways of helping you? You said they are understanding, but it might just make the smallest difference!

[honeyp1e]

Thanks guys its good to know other people know what am going through x x

[Gale2509]

Hi, i felt compelled to reply to this post when i read it, as i have experienced the exact same thing. Sure this is probably just me, however, it seems a lot worse if my husband suggests sex even in passing at all beforehand, its almost like the build up makes me more and more anxious.
I suffer from emetophobia resulting in constant nausea, stomach pain and panic attacks, trying to suppress these symptoms so that im somewhere near 'in the mood' seems to make them twice as bad?
Unfortunately my husband has never had any sympathy and thinks i should 'stop being ridiculous and get a grip' his anger and reaction are def connected to this as i feel desperate to not let him down (pardon the pun) at least once.
We are having sex although very rarely and almost always spontaneously - not when he may have suggested it earlier. I too cant quite get my head what it is that's behind all this? any suggestions xxx

[honeyp1e]

Hi, i felt compelled to reply to this post when i read it, as i have experienced the exact same thing. Sure this is probably just me, however, it seems a lot worse if my husband suggests sex even in passing at all beforehand, its almost like the build up makes me more and more anxious.
I suffer from emetophobia resulting in constant nausea, stomach pain and panic attacks, trying to suppress these symptoms so that im somewhere near 'in the mood' seems to make them twice as bad?
Unfortunately my husband has never had any sympathy and thinks i should 'stop being ridiculous and get a grip' his anger and reaction are def connected to this as i feel desperate to not let him down (pardon the pun) at least once.
We are having sex although very rarely and almost always spontaneously - not when he may have suggested it earlier. I too cant quite get my head what it is that's behind all this? any suggestions xxx


Hi.... I to am emetophobic :weep: and suffer stomach problems / nausea EVERYDAY !! maybe its all in my head as am often told (but i don't think it is) my bf is the same always asks for sex (well he hasn't for a long time ) but since i have started getting better he has started talking about it again (poor thing) but to be honest i just don't feel like it maybe one day i will but right now i just don't !!i do feel for my bf as it must be hard but he has been so understanding and will just ask how i feel and that i think by your partner telling you to stop bein ridiculous maybe putting some pressure on you.... could you not try talking with him about your feelings x x

[katykaty]

Reading the above replies has made me need to respond.

I too find that when my boyfriend asks for sex when we're watching tv or whatever I'm much more likely to say no, as I start thinking about it too much and start worrying. Whereas if we're just lying in bed it is more likely to occur spontaneously and there's no build up, so therefore no need to panic.

I find the best way to "get me in the mood" is to sit with my boyfriend watching a film or tv for a few hours and have him hold my hand, stroke my legs or something really innocent. Then over time, a couple hours, usually, the casualness of the touching has relaxed me and took the pressure of "oh my god he's going to want sex" away. So when we do go to bed, I'm thinking that there's an expectation but I'm subconsciously ready for it.

You are most definitely not alone in this!! I'm glad to hear it's not just me too!

[Tyke]

I think the key here is not to make sex such a big issue. If you can become more relaxed about it, share cuddles, touching, kissing etc without going all the way as part of your normal routine then it won't seem such a big event when you take it a bit further. It becomes more stressful when you feel it's got to be some kind of performance rather than a relaxing pastime to enjoy! :):D:)

Tyke

[honeyp1e]

Thanks guys x x
Katykaty is it good to no its not just me who feels this way (thought i was a bit of a freak)