So scared of dying I'm not living!

[flobrien]

Hello all!
this is my first ever post on here, I have been reading many posts on the forums in my times of HA needs but finally thought I should get involved as I only know too well how much it helps to talk to like-minded people.

Basically I have been a HA sufferer for many years, started in my early 20's disappeared late 20's and has reared its ugly head again in the last few years I'm now 34 and it feels worse than ever!!

I worry day and night about horrible things happening to me, my loved ones, I worry about EVERYONE basically and it is to the point now where it is utterly ruining my life. I no longer enjoy life I just sit here worrying that we're all going to die of some terminal illness!

I have a 17month old son who is my absolute angel and I could literally vomit at the thought of anything happening to him or to me for that matter, leaving him on his own in the world or not getting to see him grow up! I just don't know how to change this way of thinking I'm petrified of the WORLD! I just want to know that we're going to be safe and live to a ripe old age, seeing him grow up, get married have children of his own etc etc..

How do I stop!?! I stress about every little lump/bump/symptom that this is the END for me, I just want to be healthy, happy, secure, motivated, live life to the fullest but instead I act like a loon worrying all the time!

Your words of wisdom would be much appreciated, sorry for the long moan :blush:

Fi

[anxietyoverload]

Hi

Im the exact same as you, i worry about everything!!! its really awful! fortuantly i feel like im finally getting rid of this anxiety thanks to this website! recently i found a bum under my gum, but everyone has assured me its just part of my gum - someone without anxiety wouldnt of noticed it its so hidden!!
I worry everyday about dying and leaving my life behind, but lately im just focusing on the fact that everytime iv thought i had cancer its been nothing! so what are the chances im right this time?!
People on here will make you feel a hundred times better cause we are all going through the same thing :) x

[bottleblond]

Hi Fi

Welcome along to NMP :flowers:

The thing with health anxiety is we tend to 'over think' every little aspect of our body and mind. Something as common as a headache, we would automatically think brain tumour or hemorrhage and sometimes just wait on the inevitable happening.

Chances are it's NEVER going to happen but we still find ourselves checking for lumps and bumps, we panic at every twitch and pain and even go looking for things that aren't there to begin with but with such a phobia, we convince ourselves that the next time you check, that's when we are going to find 'IT'.

I used to have sever HA where i would do all of the above but i find now, mine only kicks in if i have a bug or a virus. So trust me, this can get better.

My advice would be to talk to your health visitor and GP for some support. Tell them how this is effecting your life on a daily basis.

No one is going to think you are silly or mad. You'd be surprised how common a problem this is. I promise you, this can and will get better but you must get some support and proper medial advice also because that will ease your mind so much.

We are here to support you so please don't worry.

Lisa
xxx
:hugs:

[flobrien]

thanks guys, much appreciated, it does feel 'better' knowing that there are other lovely people out there with the same issues.

I have spoken to my doctor before but he does tend to sweep it under the carpet a little. I'm not really wanting to take any meds so know I have to do this another way, perhaps with CBT, but I'm so bloody stubborn that I worry that I won't allow myself to CHANGE if you know what I mean??? silly I know, I feel so stuck in a rut! I think it is so bad at the moment as a friend of a friend only 31 with a 3 year old boy and a husband has been diagnosed with inoperable breast cancer as it has spread to her liver, the thing is whilst she remains optimistic even in such a bad situation, looking at alternative therapies etc.. I have fallen to pieces and can only imagine the worst and that I am inevitably next in line to get the big c! Oh dear, what am I doing to myself!:wacko:
Fi x

[molly36]

Hi there i am exactly the same as you ,i just feel i dont live my life i just exist.I am so scared of death as the fear of leaving my 3 boys without me eats away at me so much it makes me feel ill.I work in a hospital and see some very sad cases and some times i really find it hard to deal with as i feel so awfull for these people and also makes me think well if it can happen to them it can happen to me.But putting things into perspective 90% of the patients who are in the hospital are over 75 or have illnesses through heavy smoking or heavy drinking.So what i mean is it is rare for serious illnesses to hit the fit and healthy.Im at the point right now where i feel i have to do something about all this worry as its been so long like this.Everyone just thinks im nuts as they say im the healthiest person they know but i dont feel it as im so tired all the time from all this fear.I dont know the answers but you did beat it once and you can again .My friend once said to me life is here to live if you spend everyday worrying about whats going to happen and your still here when your 90 your going to kick yourself.Words from my dear friend whose never been anxious once in her whole life but i totally get what she means.I just wish we could all put it into practice.Easier said than done.kind regards molly xx

[bottleblond]

Awww don't beat yourself up, it's only natural that someone with HA would think along those lines. :hugs:

You don't have to do anything or make any choices that you don't want to. maybe just being here on NMP and getting to know others who have similar issues will help you.

Lisa
x

[westiegirl25]

I'm 25, i can totally relate to u, my doc says ive really made myself poorly from constantly thinking things like this, its horrible but yes we r all here to support and talk to each other about x

[MVP123]

Hey there, believe me you are not alone, I feel exactly the same way as you do, I did beat it once and came off my meds, but it has reared its ugly head once again. I went to the walk in clinic yesterdat as I was worried about a blood clot cause I had an aching calf, which obv is just muscle tension so I came home relieved and then in the evening I started worrying about giving everyone food poisoning including my pregnant daughter. And then once that fear has gone away I just know something else will turn up which is all innocent and I will turn it into something more sinister. And for the short times I'm not worrying about my health, I will worry about my husbands or daughters health and with the new grandson coming along I will have his health to worry about as well arrgghh!! I don't know what the answer is but you just have to believe that you can beat it again, I have before and I am determined to do it again. Life is for bloody well living and we can't change what's gonna happen no matter how much worrying we do. Even tho I am not religious I like the phrase 'Lord give us the strength to face the things we cannot change' xx

[James1983]

I also struggle i feel my anxiety is over taking my life. I have got high blood pressure over it and i am waiting to be referred to a blood pressure specialist. i have another appointment with my GP in 2 weeks and i hope he will just give me something for blood pressure and my anxiety, i have had anti depressants before but they stopped working so it's back to the drawing board!:wacko:

[pussy cat]

oh how i can relate to all of this - a headache is a tumour or hemorrhage,any slight pain in the chest area is a heart attack & so it goes on-some years ago i walked around all day slightly bent over as i had a stabbing sensation under my left breast - only to later find out it was the wire in my bra that was stuck through the material !!! we,ve all tried various methods of overcoming these feelings as we know that most of the time it is in our head but easier said than done-1 thing i have tried that helps is if i have an ache/pain etc after a few hours & it hasn,t got any worse i give myself a time limit NOT to think about it - i say to myself - i refuse to think about this for 3/4/5 days if i,ve still got it then i will go to the doctor & as soon as the thought comes to mind i immediatly dismiss it & do something even if its thinking of a problem-anything to take my mind off it-needless to say i very rarely end up at the docs:yesyes:

[flobrien]

thanks lovely people, we are a funny old bunch aren't we :D Some good tips there of how to deal with it! I like the idea of leaving a symptom for a few days before heading straight to the docs...

Yes I have high blood pressure from my HA too, the constant worrying can make it sky rocket at times, seems crazy that worrying about health, causes health issues haha! Actually that is what stops me from being crazy with it sometimes if I think to myself, there is nothing wrong with me but there will be if I keep worrying about things (i.e. high BP etc) it can calm me down and almost have a little laugh at myself.

I have started doing yoga again which I have found ultra helpful, it is only one day a week, so I need to find something to do a couple more days a week, in fact I remember the way I beat it the first time was through lots of exercise, granted I did become a little bit obsessive about it before but can't really do that now with my son as I don't have the time, although I do take him out for long walks in his pushchair.

I just received an email from my mum this morning who lives in Australia, saying that a distant relative is gravely ill and not likely to survive, and ended her email with life is full of S@*T! She has always been like this very dramatic about illness and death and focusing on the negatives of the world, and it all just clicked where my HA started from! Now I just need to learn how to ignore her ways and negative tones and start focusing on the good and positive of the world.

Fi x