Is it really just Health Anxiety?

[punkprincess19]

Supposedly, according to the doctors, I have Health Anxiety... but do I REALLY only have Health Anxiety?!

It all started one day at work, I was in the toilets washing my hands when BAM! I suddenly felt really dizzy, sick and got a strange feeling come over me. Then I started with sweaty palms and my heart was pounding..! What's going on? Am I dying?! I went to Managers office and he sat with me until it passed. I felt ok but a bit shaken up but quickly forgot about it as I went on about my day. Then, the next day, sat in work and BAM! It happens again... Ok, there must be something wrong..! Went to the doctors, they checked my BP and sent me for blood tests... all ok... But, I carried on having these "attacks" and started feeling ill more and more until eventually the "attacks" stopped coming on so strong but I just felt ill ALL the time... I'm tired all the time, I feel dizzy and off balance most days, I feel like I can't breathe properly, my arms and legs feel heavy and like they're going numb, I have palpitations and feel just generally unwell! This all started in November 2009 and I've only got worse and worse as time has passed... So what now?!

I started CBT in April which helped a little and I'm now getting out and about a bit more but I STILL feel ill all day everyday!

The doctors tell me that it's "just anxiety". I don't believe it... I was never an anxious person and I never worried about my health. I had IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) but I was managing with that and never worried that it could be something more serious. At the time this all started my life was, for the first time in a long time, pretty damn good! No stress, no worries, I was happy! The symptoms came before the anxiety, so how is it anxiety causing the symptoms?! It doesn't make sense!

I don't know what to do anymore! All I know is that I'm not living, I'm only existing and for as long as I feel this horrible, crappy way I'm not going to be happy! So what do I do?!

I'm sorry for the ramble, I just really need to get this off my chest and speak to people who know what i mean!

Punk x

[londonchris]

Hey punk,

Long time no speak :)

What you're describing is panic attacks. Sometimes people get them for no real reason at all but usually it's the result of a build up of stress.

You mention you weren't an anxious person before, but are you really sure this is true? If there are ANY underlying issues at all then you will have had stress build up which could lead to this situation.

Of course, once you've had your first panic attack it's so so easy to get caught up in this cycle of fear, which obviously brings on more symptoms as you focus on it.

It's so hard to break out of, but the first thing you must do is trust that your doctor has checked you and you are fine and KNOW that what you suffer from is anxiety and the symptoms of months or even years of tension, stress, worry and panic.

Hope you feel better soon :):hugs:

[punkprincess19]

Thanks Chris :)

I think I'm just struggling to get my head round it all! It's affected my life so much, I can't work because of it and it's ruining relationships with friends and family. I wish there was a quick fix cure!

[Dibbler]

Hello punk :)

Your symptoms mirror my own, 50 year old male.

I have had blood tests ECG's etc both at my doctors and with a head Cardiologist at a hospital and the results came back as totally normal. however that is far from how I feel and continue to feel. The cardiologist reckons that I should go back into CBT.

One of my biggest mistakes was buying a blood pressure monitor. for some reason I felt the compulsion to do it several times a day and obsessed about my readings.

My latest purchase has been a blood glucose testing kit as I then convinced myself that I must be about to go into a diabetic coma. However all my results for my blood glucose are normal.

I did my last blood glucose test this morning after waking up feeling not too good and that was also fine.

I am REALLY hoping that I will now stop checking my blood glucose, although I bought a pack of 50 test strips, as my fingers are genuinely getting a little sore with all the needle jabs I seem to be doing.! :D
Either I will lose the use of my fingers or I will run out of blood to test soon, I reckon.

My wife is getting a little upset that I seem to feel the need to test her blood sugar levels and as she has ZERO levels of anxiety (even when she had breast cancer last year) she does not seem to care less of her results.

Anxiety can manifest itself in soooo many physical and psychological ways and each time it does for me I have the feeling that "this is it" and yet I'm still here at 50.

Good luck with continuing journey through life punk and, as difficult as it can be, please try and place some trust in those medical people you have seen - BUT if you do manage to find that acceptance please post back on how you have done that as I have still got to get there..!!!

Take care and I hope you feel better soon :)

[londonchris]

Don't we all!! I know the feeling and I don't really know what to say as you have to make the decision yourself to help yourself and to trust your doctor and eventually these feelings will subside.

As I said on another thread, surely it's better to live for one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep?

[punkprincess19]

Hello punk :)

Your symptoms mirror my own, 50 year old male.

I have had blood tests ECG's etc both at my doctors and with a head Cardiologist at a hospital and the results came back as totally normal. however that is far from how I feel and continue to feel. The cardiologist reckons that I should go back into CBT.

One of my biggest mistakes was buying a blood pressure monitor. for some reason I felt the compulsion to do it several times a day and obsessed about my readings.

My latest purchase has been a blood glucose testing kit as I then convinced myself that I must be about to go into a diabetic coma. However all my results for my blood glucose are normal.

I did my last blood glucose test this morning after waking up feeling not too good and that was also fine.

I am REALLY hoping that I will now stop checking my blood glucose, although I bought a pack of 50 test strips, as my fingers are genuinely getting a little sore with all the needle jabs I seem to be doing.! :D
Either I will lose the use of my fingers or I will run out of blood to test soon, I reckon.

My wife is getting a little upset that I seem to feel the need to test her blood sugar levels and as she has ZERO levels of anxiety (even when she had breast cancer last year) she does not seem to care less of her results.

Anxiety can manifest itself in soooo many physical and psychological ways and each time it does for me I have the feeling that "this is it" and yet I'm still here at 50.

Good luck with continuing journey through life punk and, as difficult as it can be, please try and place some trust in those medical people you have seen - BUT if you do manage to find that acceptance please post back on how you have done that as I have still got to get there..!!!

Take care and I hope you feel better soon :)

Thanks dibbler, it's reassuring to know that you're still here at 50 :)

I too have a blood pressure machine and I actually find it quite useful. I only use it when I'm feeling really bad, I'll take my blood pressure and then when I see that it's fine I feel a bit better. I know that panicking about my symptoms obviously makes them worse, I just have trouble understanding how they're even there in the first place! My doctor once said to me that the mind is a powerful thing... so how come I want so so bad to feel normal again but yet i can't?! Surely the want to feel better would make me feel better as anxiety is all our heads really!?

I want to be here and live a happy life but I feel like this "anxiety" is preventing me from doing so and some days it doesn't feel worth the effort to even get out of bed! I just want to be me again!

[Dibbler]

If you manage to find out as to how come you so desperately want to feel "normal" and yet continue to feel how you do then please let me know as I have not yet managed to do this.!

In a simplistic way I think that most of my physical symptoms are merely an expression of what is going on in my conscious and subconscious mind. Understanding that can, at times, amount to a giant leap of faith. Doing something to change those thought processes are, I find, very difficult.

Losing my job due to several back operations and then finding issues with chronic pain etc has not helped to be a "positive" enforcer in my life and has amplified greatly my issues with both anxiety and depression.

I know what you mean about anxiety being in our heads as I tend to feel that some people are more pre disposed than others and their life experiences etc can amplify of reduce those levels of anxiety and stress.

It can be both debilitating and distressing and I'm sorry that I do not have the answers you need. If there is comfort to draw it is to know that you are not alone and things WILL improve in time :)

[punkprincess19]

If you manage to find out as to how come you so desperately want to feel "normal" and yet continue to feel how you do then please let me know as I have not yet managed to do this.!

In a simplistic way I think that most of my physical symptoms are merely an expression of what is going on in my conscious and subconscious mind. Understanding that can, at times, amount to a giant leap of faith. Doing something to change those thought processes are, I find, very difficult.

Losing my job due to several back operations and then finding issues with chronic pain etc has not helped to be a "positive" enforcer in my life and has amplified greatly my issues with both anxiety and depression.

I know what you mean about anxiety being in our heads as I tend to feel that some people are more pre disposed than others and their life experiences etc can amplify of reduce those levels of anxiety and stress.

It can be both debilitating and distressing and I'm sorry that I do not have the answers you need. If there is comfort to draw it is to know that you are not alone and things WILL improve in time :)

Thanks dibbler for your kind words and support. When I find the cure you'll be the first to know. :)

How long have you suffered with anxiety?

[Dibbler]

Thanks dibbler for your kind words and support. When I find the cure you'll be the first to know. :)

How long have you suffered with anxiety?

I would suggest that this started to be noticeable for me in my early twenties. My capacity to cope has varied somewhat over the years and I can akin it to a cycle of highs and lows. I really do wish that I could shut down certain parts of my brain that obsess on certain issues.

You are very welcome for the words of support as I can assure you that I really do understand how truly horrendous this condition can be. But please do not be too harsh on yourself and whilst it I can say that things will get better it will take time. You must try and relax and accept these issues without being too critical and do not bother about what you can no longer do but try and concentrate on what you can do instead. Readdress what is both important and achievable and let those be the positive enforcers in your life. The old saying of eating an elephant is done one slice at a time is something that I tend to adopt when I try and bring a more positive outlook on some situations and events. But it doesn't mean that I am always good at it..!!

Best wishes to you

[DavinaR]

Dear Punk

I have exactly the same symptoms as you. And i so sympathise with you.
I am a 50 year old female. I started with panic attacks and now just feel so ill every day. Just feel so weak, and my heart beats fast all of the time! Had blood tests and stool test ( as had a bout diarrhoea - sorry about spelling) when this all started but all come back ok.
Like you,i can't believe this can be caused by anxiety but my doc assures me it is. I try and put my mind at rest by thinking they must see this so much it is just an 'ordinary' thing to them. But to the individual it seems they are the only people going through it. You just can't believe that these symptoms are all down to anxiety.
I have lost so much weight (mind you I was a big lady!). Just not hungry and have to force myslef to eat. Is your appetite okay?
I used to be such a social person but have put off meeting friends because of this as i don't want to appear to be acting differently. Do you mange to get out and socialise?
I am managing to go to work (only do a few hours a week). It makes me try to act normal for a few hours.
As the other posts said, PLEASE let me know if you find a magic cure - you could be a millionaire! At least we all know we are NOT alone.
My best wishes to you

[anxietyoverload]

Definatly panic attacks, i had my first panic attack when i was about 12!! from no where, i was just sat with all my family and i came over all sweaty and sick, and completely dizzy! it was awful, i had to go to hospital for a scan, but all clear, just panic attacks, thankfully they have stopped now!

[punkprincess19]

Dear Punk

I have exactly the same symptoms as you. And i so sympathise with you.
I am a 50 year old female. I started with panic attacks and now just feel so ill every day. Just feel so weak, and my heart beats fast all of the time! Had blood tests and stool test ( as had a bout diarrhoea - sorry about spelling) when this all started but all come back ok.
Like you,i can't believe this can be caused by anxiety but my doc assures me it is. I try and put my mind at rest by thinking they must see this so much it is just an 'ordinary' thing to them. But to the individual it seems they are the only people going through it. You just can't believe that these symptoms are all down to anxiety.
I have lost so much weight (mind you I was a big lady!). Just not hungry and have to force myslef to eat. Is your appetite okay?
I used to be such a social person but have put off meeting friends because of this as i don't want to appear to be acting differently. Do you mange to get out and socialise?
I am managing to go to work (only do a few hours a week). It makes me try to act normal for a few hours.
As the other posts said, PLEASE let me know if you find a magic cure - you could be a millionaire! At least we all know we are NOT alone.
My best wishes to you

Hi DavinaR, thank you for your reply. I'm sorry that you are going through this too, it's such a horrible thing to have, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone!

I was a skinny girl anyway but due to the anxiety I have lost weight as, like you, I just don't feel hungry! My BMI is now in the underweight catergory. I've been trying my hardest to eat more and try to put a bit of weight back on but I'm struggling so I'm thinking about starting on "build up" shakes.
I stopped socialising completely. It was all too much for me and on the odd time I managed to push myself to go out, I would feel like I was behaving oddly and my anxiety would be so bad that I'd feel completely detached from reality and then I would come home feeling absolutely exhausted and horrible! I'm only 23 and I should be out there enjoying myself but instead I'm stuck here with this awful, debilitating illness. I worry that this is how I will be now for the rest of my life. I can't work because of it. I asked the place I worked at if I could work from home, I even put together a proposal for them, but they refused. I cant get help with benefits, I'm on ESA but they told me I wasn't entitled to it and I've had to appeal against it.
I get so frustrated with myself that I've allowed myself to get like this, not that I had much choice really, as you know, it just takes over, but I feel like it has totally ruined my life now as I worry it'll always be with me. I'm going to continue on to try and find the cure though and hopefully one day I will get better and I'll be able to help other people to get rid of this illness and get their lives back!
All the best to you. Message me anytime you like xxx

[nomace]

Punk-princess, I know this was posted a long time ago but I can totally relate and would like to talk to and see how u have been? Do u still feel I'll everyday? Did u get on meds? If so, which ones? I am new to this whole thing and am still having trouble believing that what I have isn't physical....

[punkprincess19]

Hi nomace, a lot has happened since I posted this. I never went on meds but I did have high intensity therapy. It was hard work and at times I felt like giving up on life but you would not believe how it changed my life around. I don't feel ill anymore, I can go out without any worries or anxiety, I'm working 45 hours a week and I'm now pregnant too. I have more confidence now than I've ever had in my life. My anxiety and illness was all in my head and made the symptoms real but they were never harmful, it was just me thinking they were. Through therapy I realised that my anxiety had come about because I had never dealt with a really abusive ex boyfriend and the things he had done to me and also my father not wanting to know me for the last 7 years. This had started my anxiety but then I fueled it and kept it going because I honestly thought there was something wrong with me inside.
Life is so precious and you cannot live it whilst suffering from anxiety. I love my life now and I'm living it to the fullest and you have to too. The symptoms you are feeling, although real, are only there because you're letting them be there, you're thinking something must be wrong so you don't feel well. nothings wrong! I'm sure you've had loads of tests to check and they're all fine! so, each morning when u wake up, hold ur head up high and tell yourself that you are fine. ignore the symptoms and live your life x

[honester]

Hi, I get all those symptoms too plus head stabbing pains etc - I too was a point in my life where I felt comfortable/ content but this is probably why the anxiety came 'out of the blue' - we were too busy concentrating on our busy, hectic lives and worrying about one thing after another and then suddenly when you stop anxiety manifests in these weird ways.
Don't add extra worry by trying to work out why you feel like you do - just accept that these feelings of illness are part of the anxiety and that actually there is nothing wrong with you - you are NOT ill. You are just super sensitive to everything you feel at the moment.
You really should get on with your life and live it like you don't have it - believe me it's not easy but it is possible and eventually it gets easier and the symptoms calm / diminish....in time.
The worst thing you can do is stop going to work - you have more time on your hands to ruminate about how you are feeling (or how totally crap you are feeling!).
If you still have a job - get back to work a.s.a.p, make plans to socialise with your friends, plan some activities for your day.
You are trapped in your head at the moment and by doing the things i have suggested you can get out of it!
It sounds easy when your typing it but I know first hand how difficult it is - but no pain no gain and all that!
Self pity is destructive! ....so no matter how crap you feel you have to accept that this is how you feel now but it won't be forever!
Start today - get your life back on track xxxxxxxx

[BlueOcean]

Hi nomace, a lot has happened since I posted this. I never went on meds but I did have high intensity therapy. It was hard work and at times I felt like giving up on life but you would not believe how it changed my life around. I don't feel ill anymore, I can go out without any worries or anxiety, I'm working 45 hours a week and I'm now pregnant too. I have more confidence now than I've ever had in my life. My anxiety and illness was all in my head and made the symptoms real but they were never harmful, it was just me thinking they were. Through therapy I realised that my anxiety had come about because I had never dealt with a really abusive ex boyfriend and the things he had done to me and also my father not wanting to know me for the last 7 years. This had started my anxiety but then I fueled it and kept it going because I honestly thought there was something wrong with me inside.
Life is so precious and you cannot live it whilst suffering from anxiety. I love my life now and I'm living it to the fullest and you have to too. The symptoms you are feeling, although real, are only there because you're letting them be there, you're thinking something must be wrong so you don't feel well. nothings wrong! I'm sure you've had loads of tests to check and they're all fine! so, each morning when u wake up, hold ur head up high and tell yourself that you are fine. ignore the symptoms and live your life x

Well, I'm glad to hear someone's gone through this and feels "normal" again. Gives us all hope!

I, too, tell myself it must be something physical, because I used to be a very pyschologically strong person. Am not sure why this happens to some of us. But it helps to hear we can turn a corner, as you say you have, and get past all of this.

[xvolatileheart]

Punk, your latest post is so inspiring! Your first post honestly could have been written by me - that is EXACTLY how I feel, symptoms came on exactly like yours, I want so badly to be better but fear I'm going to die everyday.

You've given me hope that it's going to get better! What kind of therapy did you have and how frequently? I would love to know what you did because I want to get better so badly.

[emmasaurus]

As above, I'd love to know the type of therapy/frequency of sessions. :)