New to the site,really struggling.Please read!

[worried 101]

Hi guys. Im new on this site, im really glad I found it because I have found it really comforting to find others in a similar position to me. Basically I have dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember, my parents always tell me that I was always extremely anxious even as a very young child, over the years this has got worse and worse and spiralled into depression as well as severe anxiety. I regularly see the doctor and was prescribed medication and went to councelling, found that particular type of councelling wasnt that effective for me, and the medication made me feel worse, so my doctor gave me a different type which did seem to bring my anxiety down quite alot and for a few months I was ok and even lowered my dose, which on hindsight wasnt the best idea, but I was desperate to get of it as just didnt want to feel like I was relying on medication any more. But because I went very low again my doctor increased the medication but I still wasnt getting better and I was becoming increasingly lower and more frequent. It got so bad that I couldnt work,it was affecting my relationship and my doctor felt that it had become out of her leauge so had that 'crisis team' come to see me.They were really great and I'm now starting on a programme of one to one work with a councellor and they have increased my medication more.Basically I just constantly feel like I'm on edge and this feeling of anxiety and sadness is just so overwhelming I feel powerless,I often feel like its never going to change and even though im starting this course I still have to wait till its starts which isnt for a while, and I feel like I'm counting down the days till I can talk to someone who knows about this stuff, as I feel like I'm putting alot of pressure on my family friends and partnerI constantly cry and barely feel able to function sometimes.I often found my anxiety focuses alot on relationships, either with friends and my boyfriend. I used to get really worried that I had said something to a friend even if I hadnt actually said a word I would have thought that I had said somethign under my breath and convince myself I had and obsess over it for ages. I have found that in my relationship I am with a wonderful guy and love him to bits, but my anxiety distorts my relationship and makes me feel really worried about it,and it does it really suddenly and knocks me for six when this feeling of uncertanty came, even though he is amazingly understanding, I feel so bad that he has to go through this with me. It just gets to the point where I feel like theres someone in my head feeding all these negative horrible thoughts and before I could shut it out but now its louder than me and its taking over my head and making me like I cant believe my own thoughts.Feel like I am going mad!Can anyone relate to any of this?!Or am I alone in feeling this way?!would be great if people could share any thoughts or advice that they have, would really appreciate it!
Just want to stop being like this, feel so exhausted,psychically and mentally.I also suffer from OCD which dosent help but I guess its a coping mechanism in a way, some part of my life I can control, because I sure cant control any other part.
Please help, just knowing other people out there feel this way would help, especially the anxiety over their realtionship as this is something that I seem to be focussing on at the moment and I hate it as I dont want to lose my partner as he is so wonderful, want to to know how to control my anxiety and stop having these horrible thoughts.
Thanks guys.xxx

[ames]

Hi worried,
I can totally relate to your feelings, in fact reading this felt like I was reading about myself. I get married in 2 months and had a breakdown about 9 weeks ago now. There were alot of stressful things happening at the time with work etc but I know the wedding was a contribution. I have had horrible feelings that I am making the wrong decision etc but I know that I am not really, deep inside.
Unfortunately I can't offer much advice as I am going through the same thing and striving to find answers myself, I have got to the stage were I am struggling to leave the house, but what I can say is try to stay positive, and if you have positive thoughts, hold onto them and smile. It is just a little thing but they do come more frequently.
I hope this has helped a little.
Take care. Xx

[YZF]

Hi both, totally understand the feelings and also the affect on relationships. I went through the same things beginning of this year, touch wood with good advice and medication I've come through, my confidence is soaring and I'm enjoying life again. However I do remember how I felt only a short while ago, I know this won't mean much now but please believe me when I say things will improve and you won't always feel this way. Take all the help, advice and support offered and try to remember you can decide how you feel about something. Even when things are at there worst you must try and see things for how they really are, in most cases it is just feelings and actually no damage is being done. I know this from dragging myself into work inside I felt the world was over any small thing set off negative trains of thought. When I spoke to a colleague they were a amazed I felt that way as what I presented to other people was entirely different. Take care and things will get better.

[worried 101]

hi again. Firstly thanks so much to both of you for leaving a comment!was so worried that no one would reply!gives me great comfort to know there are others out there feeling like this too. Im really sorry to hear ames about your breakdown and I hope you can continue to keep positive and remember that its not your feelings its just the anxiety. Have you always been an anxious person or did it flare up more recently?I hope you have a fantastic wedding day, try and have a day off from all the anxiety and enjoy iy as much as possible.YZF its good to know that theres light at the end of the tunnel!I am really going to try to do anything that can help me, Ive got an initial assesment coming up with the nhs and then hopefully that will get the ball rolling!
Thanks again so much for your advice, I hope everything goes well for you both and if anyone else out there has any avice or would to share any of their stories would be great to hear from you?!
Think supporting each other really helps, so post away, no matter how silly you think your worries are im pretty sure we will all have had something similar if not the same!
xxx

[fishman65]

Hi Worried,these thoughts and feelings sound like classic anxiety fears and your OCD would seem to go hand in hand with it.Its horrible isnt it when these fears start to crowd in on you,however all I can say is that it won't always be like this and that things DO get better.I was in a very bad way just under 3 years ago and was swapped from one anti-depressant to another,this helped to get me back on my feet again.There are lots of different medications out there for all of us,and some work better for some people than others.Its often a case of finding which one works for you.I wish you the very best of luck and please feel free to keep us posted on your progress.

Take care now.

[ames]

Hi worried
Yes, I have always been an anxious person, I can even remember worrying about things when I was very small, but it really kicked off when I was around 11, not long after my dad died. I get anticipatory anxiety alot, even when I am 'well'.
But I have just been to a friends wedding party tonight and managed 2 hours, which at the moment is massive for me!! I'm not saying I felt completely comfortable being there, but considering that I was a shivering nervous wreck a few weeks ago, it's quite an achievement!!
We even went out and bought our wedding rings today!! Yey!!
So hold on in there love, it does get better. There is still a way to go for me, but it will happen!! Xx

[worried 101]

Thanks guys for all your supportive messages, really does mean so much to know that there are others out there that feel the same.I have been ok recently(probs for the last 2 weeks...ish!) since my last real low. But today I dont feel that great,feel like theres this stone that dropped in my stomach and feel quite low and anxious.Yesterday was my sisters hen do and although I knew alot of the people that were going well I felt really scared and panicked about being in a big social group, felt like I kept having to think of things to say to people and my mind would just go blank, was really worried about sitting next to people I didnt know as really struggled to make conversation,in the end I had to leave early as really didnt want to stay and that night felt low and had a real bad night sleep with lots of thoughts and anxieties keeping me awake.Does anyone else get really panicky in group situations?If so, any tips to keep the anxities at bay?Ive got my 21st birthday next week and will be in big groups with friends and family and really dont want my anxiety and depression to ruin it.Im really hoping that my low goes would like to be able to enjoy my 21st without that feeling of dread.Its funny how it comes and goes as I said to my boyfriend not long ago that I was feeling happy for the first time in ages and then wham here I am again back to worry and feeling sad.I wish I was more stable and wasnt so erractic with my feeling but I guess its something I cant really control at the moment. Its just a horrible feeling of dreading something but I have no idea what, really I have lots of things to be looking forward to but cant let myself enjoy it.This stupid voice in my head giving me all these horrible negative thoughts is really getting me down, though I know its my own voice in my head its just stressing me out big time.Has anyone else experienced anything like this?A man that came to assess me(for refferal to the nhs) thinks that it may be something to do with trauma from my childhood (my mum was very poorly alot and had to go in to hospital alot through out my childhood, from when I was very little onwards and some others things) and is a younger version of myself still trying to be heard and come to terms with stuff that has affected me in my past but I have never dealt with.He said rather than trying to block her out it would be better to listen and deal with the thoughts she is putting into my head, but thats easier said than done!anyone else experienced anything similiar and could give me any tips on this?!
Any help would be most apprecitaed and anyone else that has any problems please feel free to post away.
Keep in touch.
xxxxxx
p.s. well done ames for the wedding party, you should be proud of yourself,its a really good achievment and hope you had fun picking out the wedding rings!

[bevwilks]

Hi Worried i can totally understand how your feeling, your not the only one out there that has these worrying thought. I have suffered with anxiety for the last 12 months and it has knocked me for 6. i used to be a really confident outgoing person and very independant. The Anxiety brought me right to my knees at the back end of last year. I was having numerous attacks a day and got to the point where i couldn't move out of the house alone and couldn't leave my boyfriends side. My now husband is fantastic and has been my rock maybe a little to much. I was that bad and scared of been alone i used to get up before him in a morning and be ready and dressed to go to work with him, if he told me i couldn't go i'd fall literally to my knees and cry my eyes out and beg him to let me go. (i'm 36 years old). Which he did in the end this went on for several weeks. Now i have realised that initially worked and solved the problem but now i have become very dependant on him. I'm getting much better to the point i'm back at work myself and can now go to the supermarket on my own, however i still find it increasingly difficult when he wants to go out somewhere that doesn't involve me going. Anxiety has completely changed my life in a bad way. I have just started cbt and although i do find it useful i find it very difficult to put the talk into practical work if you understand me. My Therapist has told me i have to face it head on. Which means in a nutshell my husband is to go out and leave me at home and leave me to deal with the senations and the anxiety. So this weekend we are going to try it out... I also started finding safety behaviours eg when i feel the anxiety or panic coming on i would get a bath or hide in bed or phone my husband. All these things don't help but do help if you get me. Sorry to rattle on for so long... I hope this helps that you now feel someone else is going through the same thing as you. Will you please describe your sensations of anxiety to me.. many thanks bev. take care..

[worried 101]

Hi bev.
Im really sorry to hear that anxiety has affected you in such a terrible way,it must be so hard to feel so completly dependent on someone else and I really hope that it gets better for you.How did the weekend go? Was it sucsessful? Its comforting to know that other people are out there feeling these fears and anxieties as it sometimes it can be so isolating and you think you are the only one out there.
With my anxiety its very intense, I usually wake up with a horrible knot in my stomach and chest that will not go away all day and I will just be an absolute mess, often very paranoid with regrads to my boyfriend,family members and friends. I often have terrible feelings of guilt for absolutley no reason where I will become obsessed with that feeling and can not do anything but stew in my own thoughts. I also have quite bad depressiojn which obviously links in with the anxiety alot and when I am particualrly low I become inconsolable and dont think rationally at all. I often push my boyfreind away as I hate for him to see me in such a state and I dont like to be with anyone as feel bad for making them be around me. Basically sometimes I get so anxious and depressed it feels like a physical ache its so bad! I still waiting to hear from the depression and anxiety service to start some work on it all so fingers crossed I will get some help soon!I dont know if that helps at all, or sounds at all similar to anything that you feel?let me know how you're keeping.xxx