Why can't I stand up for myself

[Polar Bear]

My anxiety has seemed to be getting better lately but I still don't feel right. My self confidence seems non existant sometimes and I'm scared of my own shadow (it's hard writing sentences like that!). Also just can't get the balance right between standing up for myself when I feel I should and thinking I'm overeacting to a situation.

I'm having counselling at the moment and that has been helping. It's a long haul though. I think so negatively and feel so tired. Should be getting on with things this morning but just can't motivate myself. I feel guilty and so scared of the future

Mike

[jill]

Hi hun :D:hugs:

Its GREAT to hear things are getting better for you :yesyes: you are doing really well and should be sooo proud of yourself.

**I still don't feel right**

Things are going to take a little more time, some things take longer than others. AT THIS present moment in time, you still have anxiety, to some degree, BUT over time, this WILL get better.

**Also just can't get the balance right between standing up for myself when I feel I should and thinking I'm overeacting to a situation.**

Mmm, I know what you mean, this can be difficult because it depends on what situation your talking about. I know for me, what I found helped, was depending on what I was dealing with, was to take a deep breath and walk away, when calm, address the conversation in my head ( when calm ) if I felt I needed to address this with the other person, I would do that, in a calm manner.

I have come to understand, that screaming and shouting gets you know where, It does depend on what your dealing with, for myself, I did notice that I did in the past, over react to thing, but I have learnt a lot about myself over a long period of time and I find now, that talking things through helps sooo much, if that person does not understand, then, walk away, Mm again hun, it depends on what your dealing with.

**I'm having counselling at the moment and that has been helping. It's a long haul though**

Its great that its helping, :hugs: BUT things DO take time.

**I think so negatively and feel so tired.**

Can you not address your negative thinking? I did put up a link awhile ago about this, I will go see if I can find it. It is hard to change the way we think, but with a lot of hard work and time, this can be fixed hun. I do feel though you are being really hard on yourself, ( Mrs anxiety playing with you me thinks) If you REALLY look at yourself, you may just find, your not as negative as you think, Mmm does that make any sense?

As for the tiredness hun, this is part and parcel with stress/anxiety, I had major issues with this symptom all my life (long story, will not go into that) but ohhh boy, it is soooo much better now, better than its ever been. So, over time, this symptom will pass too.


**Should be getting on with things this morning but just can't motivate myself.**

Ohhh boy, do I know how this feel's, when your get up and go, gets up and goes without you LOL, NO joking aside, I do know how this feels, it can feel really heavy on you, this symptom, can feel quite powerful and out of your reach to get up and just get on with things.

I don't know your day to day routine, how are you trying to help yourself? what have you put in place for yourself? Remember we can have support, BUT YOU have to do all the hard work and your doing REALLY well right now, pride emotion is a must for you, being proud of yourself can help you move forward a little.

I do feel that when we are acute we need a routine, one that we are happy with NO MATTER how small, a routine that we can achieve FOR NOW, depending on how bad your anxiety is effecting your day to day life. Plan things you would be happy doing and over time, add more things, this is hard because I don't know you, we all may have similar symptoms but what brought us to anxiety/panic and what's keeping it there is deferent for us all.

Sometimes when I lacked motivation, I had to find the balance of allowing myself down time, NOT addressing the anxiety, or doing the things, I thought I needed to do, just sit, do what I like and other times using the PUSH, meaning, feeling really tired and PUSH through it, JFDI (just flippen do it) BUT, be happy with my decision to push through in, ohhhh anxiety plays mind games, so what I found helped, was to play back.

** I feel guilty and so scared of the future**

Ohhh hunny, PLEASE don't feel guilty, you have NOTHING to feel guilty about, you have anxiety right now, at this present moment in time and your trying your best to deal with this, AND your best is good enough.

Anxiety IS the most hardest thing I have EVER had to deal with, IT IS SOOO hard to learn things and how to put all you learn into practice, it IS sooo dame hard to understand, YOU ARE DOING sooo WELL, BUT you have to tell yourself this, use reassuring statements.

As for the future hun, this is in the making, WE DO NOT know how are future will pan out. What helped me was to imagine in the future a life without anxiety, see myself doing things without feeling the symptoms, seeing myself happy, Mmm at first YES Mrs anxiety jumped in with all her negatives, BUT I kept pushing kept imagining, I do feel this helped me move forward a little.

PLEASE hun, believe you can get better, if you REALLY believe your mind WILL find ways to do it. IT WILL.

If you don't understand anything I have written please ask me to try and explain a little more, Hope this has been of some help.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

[Polar Bear]

Hi Jill

Thanks for your response. That really does help. I think I am too hard on myself and must have patience. Changing ways of thinking does take time, but it's strange isn't it, that even though we know these things it's still so difficult! Things have been getting better though and you're right nobody knows the future. Imagining the future wthout anxiety sounds a great idea! I know I could do so much better at things and that image i'm sure would help.

Many of the things I get het up about seem to be things others would shrug off or as you say address in a calm and controlled manner - I need practice I think.

Routine can be difficult some days. I'm able to do some home working and Pushing when I need to and relaxing sometimes is another balance I find difficult.

Thanks again for your support. Never good at posting on the forum but glad that I did this morning

Mike

[jill]

Hi Mike :D:hugs:

When I was acute, I did many, many different things that helped me move forward, one of them was to go in search on the net for inspirational quotes, saying and stories, this was one of them.....



Two Wolves


An Elder Cherokee Native American
Was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them: “A fight is going on inside me…”
“It is a terrible fight
and it is between two wolves.”
“One wolf represents fear, anxiety, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
“The other stands for joy, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”
“The same fight is going on inside of you and inside of every other person , too.”
They thought about it for a minute. And then one child asked his grandfather...
“Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee Simply replied…
“THE ONE YOU FEED.”



*****Never good at posting on the forum*****

Thats OK hun :D:hugs: if I put anything in this thread, you don't have to reply to it, ITS OK, :hugs: I do understand.

Learning about panic/anxiety is the hardest thing I have EVER had to do AND still learning,

I did put a link in along time ago about how to change the way we think, Mmmm not sure where it is :shrug::blush: but I will go see if I can find it.

YOU TAKE CARE

remember, its OK, if you don't wish to reply to anything I write here:hugs:

Your on a journey of discovery, which WILL in time, lead you to recovery, PLEASE believe this and your mind WILL find ways to do it.

LOVE JILL XXX

[jill]

Hi Mike :D:hugs:

I put the link in but its not working, Mmm neither is delete hahaha

Will see if I can find the site again, Mmm this may take a little time.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILL

[jill]

Hi Mike :D

Me again LOL, I will try it this way, Link to thread, them click on link, Mmm not sure if this is going to work :roflmao:




http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=45993


Take care

love jill xxx

[jill]

:yahoo::yahoo::yahoo: IT WORKED :roflmao:

[Polar Bear]

Hi Jill

Thanks for posting that link.

Definitely sounds like me the overestimating risks and the consequences etc. I need to really use this type of resource to keep these things in mind. Same goes for the quotes and stories as I agree this helps.

I have heard the Two wolves story before but had forgotten about it. It's so true. I have been bitter about things in the past and the bad traits don't help so I must keep feeding that good wolf!

Regards

Mike