neilish
22-06-11, 14:57
Hello,
Ive decided to register here for some advice as I have got myself into abit of a state latley. Sorry this might be quite long! I did decide to post this in General Anxiety, as its a mixture of things.
Im 29 and have suffered with on and off depression and a small amount of social anxiety since a very young age.
At the age of 15 I was prescribed Seroxate as I had been diagnosed with depression. I was given 20mg to take once a day, and as I got older this was increased to 30mg. Last september 2010 me and my doctor discussed me coming off the Seroxat to see how I got on without it, as it had been a long time since I was first prescribed it. At the time I felt fine, living life as normal as I could. My dosage was decreased over time and by Christmas time I was no longer taking it. Withdrawal was not great, but I managed to get though it.
March of this year a very close family pet cat passed away due to old age. She was 16 almost 17. I knew as the few days before passed by she would not make it, so she was taken to the vets to put her to sleep. I was very close to this cat, she spent 80% of her time with me, sleeping on my bed every night. I came to terms with her being very ill and knew she would not make it.
After losing her, I was upset as anyone else would be, but without really know it - I started to analyse EVERYTHING to do with her death. -where is she now?- -I hope she is ok?- -what happened to her?- -what is death?-
I also started to feel off-balance from time to time. Thing did not quite feel right. I would turn my head, or sit in my chair and feel as if i was about to lose my balance. It only felt this way for a split second. I did not think much of it, it happened 4-5 times a day. My shoulders and neck were in pain, I had tingles around my head. My ears hurt.
This led onto other things, that I would constantly think about without realising it. I would think about death while reading the news paper, watching TV, browsing eBay. It was a constant thinking process that did not stop. I had no idea at the time that this was happening.
The next thoughts as the weeks went on turn to me, my family, and death. -Im going to die?- -My parents are going to die?- I made myself very ill, and it slowly turned into an obsession without me realising it. I would take my dog for a work, and see a random stranger walking and instantly think -they will die, just like me!-
I woke up one morning and felt extremly scared and anxious of the knives draw in our kitchen! WHY??? All I could think was that they were so dangerous. I could not beleave that was the first thing I thought when I woke up. Massive panic set in.
I started to feel very ill, nervous, anxious (again without knowing what was going on) and I thought I was dying. I was adament I was not going to make it, I was in a mess. I was extremly scared of these thoughts 'popping' into my head without any control. I also felt very guilty that I had these thoughts in the first place!
I spoke to my mum about it, explained that I had been thinking negative thoughts and I booked a 'sit and wait' and my local doctors that day. I saw a great doctor who sat and listened to everything I said. He said he would sign me up for CBT and that I should take the 2mg Diazipam he prescribed whenever I felt I could not cope.
As the weeks went on, I did feel better, I was getting ready to decorate my room, going out to Ikea looking for furniture etc. I thought I had put it all behind me. At this time, every now and then while going to sleep, I would turn over in bed and feel as If i was shaking, moving. I understood the bed did shake when I turned over, but this felt as if it was different, as If i was shaking. I didn't think much more of it, it happened a few times in the next few weeks.
Few days later my brother had a doctors appointment to have his ulcors checked out, hes always suffered with them from an early age, and they seem to be stress related. He's also always had a white coating on his tongue, its never bothered him. He saw the doctor who said that the coating could be the start of something cancerous, and booked him in to see the specialist at the hospital the following week.
For that whole week, I once again got into a horrible obession over death, I could not stop it. I was so scared that he would come back with awful news. I made myself very ill. I never let him know though, I tried my best to keep myself very relaxed around him. I was in a worst state than even him! DEATH DEATH DEATH. I could not stop the thoughts. -Hes going to die? It cant be!-
Thankfully my brother came back from the Hospital, and was given the all clear. Nothing wrong with his mouth at all. I was told the specialist kinda shrugged it off, no worries at all.
At first I was relieved.
I then took a nosedive in terms of my mental health.
Death, death and more of it. Negative thoughts. Could not help myself, had zero control over it. I thought I was going mad. My head felt very tight, like I had a belt strapped around my head. My vision was fuzzy, and once again feeling very off-balance. Walking felt strange, and my legs felt wobbly. I could not sit still, all I was doing pacing around, scared.
I went to my doctor and told him everything, I felt awful and guilty, but I just knew I had to tell him everything. He put me on 50mg of Sertraline, and Propranolol to help with the adreneline rush. He also prescribed me 12 5mg Diazipam for the bad times. I told him about the off-balance feeling I was having. I told him I think its bad, and im worried. He printed off a NHS guide to Health Anxiety and read some of it through with me. He did an examination on me, checking for my reactions, balance, coodination. All was fine.
Well, for the last 2 weeks I have been through hell. I have NOTHING to worry about, but for some reason I wake up every morning with a horrible feeling of dread in my chest. I am so scared of the day ahead. The thoughts of death, while not nearly as bad as they once were, are still haunting my mind. And the pains around my head and my neck/shoulders are just plain annoying. Im scarying myself to death about my balance, as it is something that I worry I will have forever.
I have just got back from the doctors. He said he will up the dose of the Sertraline in 4-6 weeks If he does not see an improvement, and thankfully gave me 12 more diazipam for the bad times.
At the moment, my main concerns are getting anxious about being anxious and worried, and my balance. I have never actually lost my balance during all of this, its just a sensation. For example, I get a strange sensation sometimes when I look down at the keyboard, or when I lean back in my chair. Sitting down can make me feel like im moving. turning over in bed seems to make me feel weird aswell sometimes, when the bed shacks. Wobbling my legs while Im sitting down (like a nervous twitch) also makes me feel odd and strange. This all seems to get alot worse when im more uptight. I hate these sensations! Please help!
Thanks for reading, sorry it was so long!
:(
-Neil
Ive decided to register here for some advice as I have got myself into abit of a state latley. Sorry this might be quite long! I did decide to post this in General Anxiety, as its a mixture of things.
Im 29 and have suffered with on and off depression and a small amount of social anxiety since a very young age.
At the age of 15 I was prescribed Seroxate as I had been diagnosed with depression. I was given 20mg to take once a day, and as I got older this was increased to 30mg. Last september 2010 me and my doctor discussed me coming off the Seroxat to see how I got on without it, as it had been a long time since I was first prescribed it. At the time I felt fine, living life as normal as I could. My dosage was decreased over time and by Christmas time I was no longer taking it. Withdrawal was not great, but I managed to get though it.
March of this year a very close family pet cat passed away due to old age. She was 16 almost 17. I knew as the few days before passed by she would not make it, so she was taken to the vets to put her to sleep. I was very close to this cat, she spent 80% of her time with me, sleeping on my bed every night. I came to terms with her being very ill and knew she would not make it.
After losing her, I was upset as anyone else would be, but without really know it - I started to analyse EVERYTHING to do with her death. -where is she now?- -I hope she is ok?- -what happened to her?- -what is death?-
I also started to feel off-balance from time to time. Thing did not quite feel right. I would turn my head, or sit in my chair and feel as if i was about to lose my balance. It only felt this way for a split second. I did not think much of it, it happened 4-5 times a day. My shoulders and neck were in pain, I had tingles around my head. My ears hurt.
This led onto other things, that I would constantly think about without realising it. I would think about death while reading the news paper, watching TV, browsing eBay. It was a constant thinking process that did not stop. I had no idea at the time that this was happening.
The next thoughts as the weeks went on turn to me, my family, and death. -Im going to die?- -My parents are going to die?- I made myself very ill, and it slowly turned into an obsession without me realising it. I would take my dog for a work, and see a random stranger walking and instantly think -they will die, just like me!-
I woke up one morning and felt extremly scared and anxious of the knives draw in our kitchen! WHY??? All I could think was that they were so dangerous. I could not beleave that was the first thing I thought when I woke up. Massive panic set in.
I started to feel very ill, nervous, anxious (again without knowing what was going on) and I thought I was dying. I was adament I was not going to make it, I was in a mess. I was extremly scared of these thoughts 'popping' into my head without any control. I also felt very guilty that I had these thoughts in the first place!
I spoke to my mum about it, explained that I had been thinking negative thoughts and I booked a 'sit and wait' and my local doctors that day. I saw a great doctor who sat and listened to everything I said. He said he would sign me up for CBT and that I should take the 2mg Diazipam he prescribed whenever I felt I could not cope.
As the weeks went on, I did feel better, I was getting ready to decorate my room, going out to Ikea looking for furniture etc. I thought I had put it all behind me. At this time, every now and then while going to sleep, I would turn over in bed and feel as If i was shaking, moving. I understood the bed did shake when I turned over, but this felt as if it was different, as If i was shaking. I didn't think much more of it, it happened a few times in the next few weeks.
Few days later my brother had a doctors appointment to have his ulcors checked out, hes always suffered with them from an early age, and they seem to be stress related. He's also always had a white coating on his tongue, its never bothered him. He saw the doctor who said that the coating could be the start of something cancerous, and booked him in to see the specialist at the hospital the following week.
For that whole week, I once again got into a horrible obession over death, I could not stop it. I was so scared that he would come back with awful news. I made myself very ill. I never let him know though, I tried my best to keep myself very relaxed around him. I was in a worst state than even him! DEATH DEATH DEATH. I could not stop the thoughts. -Hes going to die? It cant be!-
Thankfully my brother came back from the Hospital, and was given the all clear. Nothing wrong with his mouth at all. I was told the specialist kinda shrugged it off, no worries at all.
At first I was relieved.
I then took a nosedive in terms of my mental health.
Death, death and more of it. Negative thoughts. Could not help myself, had zero control over it. I thought I was going mad. My head felt very tight, like I had a belt strapped around my head. My vision was fuzzy, and once again feeling very off-balance. Walking felt strange, and my legs felt wobbly. I could not sit still, all I was doing pacing around, scared.
I went to my doctor and told him everything, I felt awful and guilty, but I just knew I had to tell him everything. He put me on 50mg of Sertraline, and Propranolol to help with the adreneline rush. He also prescribed me 12 5mg Diazipam for the bad times. I told him about the off-balance feeling I was having. I told him I think its bad, and im worried. He printed off a NHS guide to Health Anxiety and read some of it through with me. He did an examination on me, checking for my reactions, balance, coodination. All was fine.
Well, for the last 2 weeks I have been through hell. I have NOTHING to worry about, but for some reason I wake up every morning with a horrible feeling of dread in my chest. I am so scared of the day ahead. The thoughts of death, while not nearly as bad as they once were, are still haunting my mind. And the pains around my head and my neck/shoulders are just plain annoying. Im scarying myself to death about my balance, as it is something that I worry I will have forever.
I have just got back from the doctors. He said he will up the dose of the Sertraline in 4-6 weeks If he does not see an improvement, and thankfully gave me 12 more diazipam for the bad times.
At the moment, my main concerns are getting anxious about being anxious and worried, and my balance. I have never actually lost my balance during all of this, its just a sensation. For example, I get a strange sensation sometimes when I look down at the keyboard, or when I lean back in my chair. Sitting down can make me feel like im moving. turning over in bed seems to make me feel weird aswell sometimes, when the bed shacks. Wobbling my legs while Im sitting down (like a nervous twitch) also makes me feel odd and strange. This all seems to get alot worse when im more uptight. I hate these sensations! Please help!
Thanks for reading, sorry it was so long!
:(
-Neil