Second recovery

[NoPoet]

Hi all, I need some advice or just plain reassurance please.

I've been in counselling for 14 weeks and am on 20mg of citalopram to try to finally beat my anxiety once and for all. The last 2 months or so have seen quite an impressive improvement in most areas and I will be sharing what I've learned.

On the other hand I do still have blips; I'm having one now, mainly because I'm actually doing something to rebuild my life. I'm going to meet my friend and his family at the seaside for the day tomorrow. I know this doesn't sound like much but it seems that I am happy to talk to my counsellor about grand plans for my life, but when I actually come to do things I prefer to stay at home and be bored! To me, going to Skeg Vegas for the day puts a big dent into the comfortable (but uninspiring) rut my life has become.

I've also got issues with work and with relationships which I'm trying to work out with my counsellor but it's all too much for a weekly one hour counselling session.

Will anybody help me and maybe mentor me about getting into the outside world - and staying there? Maybe we can help each other. If you can help me to learn to get used to being around other people and working with them, I am a pretty good coach when it comes to facing your own problems and seeking the right types of support/therapy. I specialise in helping people who are at rock bottom.

Thanks in advance.

[Anxious_gal]

I have the same problem with getting out...
BUT once I am out and about I do start to enjoy at least some of the experience.
I'm the same, I want to do soo many things but actually doing them is hard for me.
I'm waiting for CBT therapy, I really lack the motivation to get out more.
I do compromise, like I'll see my friends for 2 hours instead of the whole day ect...
I like when I have appointments because it means I don't have a choice , I have to go!

I find the more I get out the better I feel but again I find myself wanting to isolate myself and avoid people. Definitely need to break that cycle.

What kind of help are you asking for? it seems like you need someone to push you a bit?

[xhyperyogix]

Maybe I can you you both??? Not sure of my pushing qualifications. Got counselling later today do maybe I'll come back enlightened, ha ha. Seriously, do reply and will try to help. I used to hate being in busy and empty spaces. Ouch! These days much better and it never stopped me in others eyes as none knew til recently. I guess issues keep swopping round all over the place. Anyway, I'm in 'out, the world is a sparking place to be' phase right now so we may as well make the most of it. I have to say mates are v v important, so go out with them. If I feel loved and wanted, I always feel safer. I know not an ideal solution , but works. Best to you both. Hyper x

[crissy]

Hi you lovely person,
Not been around for a while but to see your post I would like to reply, just for you to be where ever you are going, means you take yourself with you, look around what's going on, try to listen to conversations, do something silly bury yourself or someone else in the sand, try a different type of ice cream, play with the kids mainly if there are any !!!! they have no judgement just want to get on with it, you have helped me and others more than you will ever know you are loved by many be your own inspiration, don't think to much of what if all will be well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx love crissy xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[snowgoose]

Hi PsychoPoet,

just been pondering on this anxiety /communication problem a lot of us feel when we are recovering . The work situation and the relationship issue ....heck anywhere we feel out of our comfort zone .
WE want to rebuild our lives ...move on ........and reconnecting with socialising and work colleagues . It is necessary we are told to be NORMAL .:mad:

It has taken me a long long time to realise that I am a lone wolf and shunning the social things that others love is not me . Not my anxiety talking ..just my personality . I love to communicate by other methods and without the anxiety label ? .... Would be seen as just a bit odd :blush:

guess what I am trying to say is dont force socialising and MAKING GRAND PLANS FOR YOUR LIFE ..........if you are content to be a home ,write ,read etc. Your plans can be very life affirming in other ways .
there are no rules in life ...........some are restless wanderers .........others more centred to home . And neither is better than the other .

Listen to your inner voice ........... just a thought Poet .

hope this has not offended ...........anxiety so confuses us doesnt it ?

[blueangel]

I think the biggest help for me towards recovery is managing to get outside my own head, if you know what I mean. (or alternatively, getting my head out of my own backside!).

I do understand what you mean about having to get out of the comfort zone, as I think we all retreat into anxietty in one way or another, and it then becomes a habit which we have to break.

I'd be happy to help out if I can - if you want to PM me about the work issues, I'm a senior trade union official where I work and can perhaps give you a bit of assistance.

[NoPoet]

Mishel: That sounds very familiar!! I guess I'm looking for someone to cheer me on, recovery is like running a marathon that never ends and sometimes I just want to give up and become a couch potato, especially when the world seems dead set against me. I still don't know why we retreat into our own minds, that seems to be a defining characteristic for anxiety and depression. As Claire Weekes says, it's amazing how close to the surface our normal emotions lay, and that's why we enjoy ourselves so much when we're busy.

Hyperogi: Thank you, any support whatsoever would be greatly appreciated.

Crissy: I was in Skegvegas yesterday with my mates chasing their two year old daughter around the caravan. Kids and dogs seem to love me, I just wish adults did! :\

Snowgoose: So you think that we might actually be lone wolves? We tell ourselves that we're not normal because we don't socialise 100% of the time, and we think this is caused by our anxiety, when actually we just need our own space? That could be an important revalation and actually makes a lot of sense.

BlueAngel: Heh, nice opening line :D My work issues don't really need the union in, I cannot afford that kind of heat when there's a credit crunch and I am planning to move up at work, it's mainly me not having the balls to defend myself properly when people are being morons. If only I had more confidence in real life...

[snowgoose]

hello Poet :)

thank you for your answer .
It has taken me a long time to realise that I was not out of kilter with the rest of society :blush:............not social .......love my space and am happy .
but it is not what is expected in todays world ..

If you read as I am sure you do ............creative people are loners ....so dont push yourself to fit in what society and the media expects of us ?

be what your are Poet .............honest and true to yourself .....you are so eloquent in your writing . A true talent .

[xhyperyogix]

So, how did your day out go?? Hope you had fun x x

[NoPoet]

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies. It has been a completely insane week. My mate said a couple of weeks ago that I don't need counselling, I need a dose of the real world. In some ways he was right!

I joined a dating website last week and by Sunday morning I was ready to give up on it, but by Sunday evening things were starting to pick up. It's gone steadily insane over the last three days and I have had offers of dates and sex to the point where I can't actually cope with it all. I have to stay up while 2am just to reply to them all.

I thought that being male, I'd get no attention at all, but instead I've gone from being a shrinking violet to being shoved into the spotlight for a large and slightly unruly crowd. I am actually starting to lose my "grudge" against women because I now realise that while women certainly get more attention, and there are a lot that become arrogant or ignorant, there are a lot of decent ones who get a lot of trouble from men. I can't believe some of the creepy or downright insulting things men do and say. A lot of my messages have been ignored, but I have also failed to reply to some people, so now I have been on the other side of the fence it is harder to get mad at people.

I always thought of getting attention from the opposite sex as something I needed to complete myself. We all want to be loved. But attention is a mixed blessing at times and too much of it can de-rail our lives.

The way I view myself is changing and I can't stop that; all I can do is let go of the natural anxiety this causes and trust that whatever happens, for better or for worse, I will handle it.

The golden rules of beating anxiety have become the golden rules of living a happy and successful life.